Tell me what you'd do as a parent for these issues with your children. Alcohol: Marijuana: Drugs (Besides Marijuana): Dating: Sex: Porn: Violent Movies/Games: Sexually Explicit Movies/Games (But "R" or similar rating): Homosexuality: Here's my opinion. Alcohol: Never drive drunk and I'd highly discourage drinking before college. Marijuana: I'd highly discourage it unless it became legal. Drugs (Besides Marijuana): I'd forbid using strong stuff, i.e. meth, cocaine, etc. Dating: Not until high school. Sex: I'd warn my kids of the dangers of sex and hope they had the sense to be careful, but NO sex before high school. Porn: I'd highly discourage this under 18. I'd make sure they don't get to any before at least 15 or so. Violent Movies/Games: As soon as they know that you can't really act like that. Sexually Explicit Movies/Games (But "R" or similar rating): Probably around 15 or so. Homosexuality: I'd tell them that it's all good as long as the "other" sex rules are followed.
i dont have to worry about these issues with my kids yet but my goal is to educate them on every issue possible and hope they make the best choices. i would hope they would make legal decisions regarding alcohol and drugs but we know how that goes so if they are going to do it i want them to be smart about it. i would strongly discourage cocaine, meth, heroin, pretty much all chemicals before things like marijuana and mushrooms.. as for sex, i will encourage them to wait until marriage, or at least until they are in a serious loving relationship, but we all know how that goes too so i will teach them to use birth control if they decide to have sex. as for dating, i dont know i guess that depends on a lot of factors.. as for violent video games and movies and stuff like that, i dont really know, i have all girls so they arent very interested in the video games but as long as they were old enough and knew it wasnt real life and wasnt playing it 24/7 i guess it would be ok sometimes. they see their boy cousins playing "nazi zombies" and stuff like that. they know it's not real and it weirds me out a little bit but i'm not too concerned that they are going to grow up and be sociopaths because of it or anything.. my rule for anything is "moderation" and i guess you could apply that to a few of these things. every child and every situation is different so i have no definitive "rules" yet, i guess i'm just gonna kind of take things as they come. my oldest is only 7 right now though so i have a while to go before i have to deal with it.. (hopefully... :leaving
Being a teenager taught me a very valuable lesson that i hope to remember this if i'm a parent one day. Teen agers will not just take no as an answer. They will lie in every possible way to do what they want to. Almost every teenage, excluding a few exceptions of course, lie to their parents. This is because they want to experience things and don't want to be told what to do, a simple fact that has been around for years. If you tell your kids not to do drugs, and they want to do drugs.. they are going to do drugs and just not tell you. That no relationship. Id rather be supportive of my kids, and obviously want whats best from them but be there to help them and love them and not be their enemy.If you kids respect you they will listen. Alcohol: drinking is everywhere in high school. drinking and driving is a deadly mix, and i will make sure my kids know they can call me no matter what and i will come and get them anywhere,no questions asked. Marijuana: i will not get involved with this issue unless they are in trouble and need advice or help. Drugs (Besides Marijuana): strongly discouraged. Dating: freedom as long as their it is not an unhealthy, abusive relationship Sex: if my daughter is or wants to be sexually active i will discuss safely and birth control. Porn: no parent wants their child watching porn Violent Movies/Games: violence is everywhere and until they are mature enough to understand the reality of violence i will try to keep it away from them Sexually Explicit Movies/Games (But "R" or similar rating): no child needs to see this before high school. Homosexuality: love everyone. gay straight bi trans, were all people. the more you push, the more they will push away. but with that being said, it still a parents job to protect their child and raise them right. I will always teach my children how to treat other people and the importance of kindness and how to take care of themselves. if they ever get too deep involved with anything that will hurt them i will do anything and everything i can to help them. i just want a to be someone my kids can turn to when they need advice and trust me. Too many kids are too scared of their parents or hate them to ever go to them if they need them. I would never want that for my kids. peace be with you all.
Obviously, I'll explain the positives and negatives of each issue, and hope she makes the right choice. Trying to make choices for people does not work. Exhibit A: the war on drugs. I don't see the battle to any of those.... I'll fight if she starts trying to smoke MY pot, use MY condoms, or have lesbian sex in MY bed..... At least before I know that she's doing those elsewhere, at which point she'll be welcome to do it in the home as well, because that's the safest place to be doing it. No violent movies or games till 15? are you kidding me? Do you expect your kid to have ANY friends at all? Because if so, you won't be able to stop THAT. Fuck, spongebob is violent. Also, this thread ignores that everybody is different, and is ready for different things at different times.
Porn and homosexuality are "issues"? Maybe if the kid is watching animal porn and his or her gay lover is a murderer or something. Otherwise, get your beak out of their business! "Dating- not until high school"...I take it high school is around 17 in America? Most teenagers are ready for girl or boyfriends before that age, even if it's just holding hands or learning that relationships aren't all fantastic. This is natural learning. Why would you ban it as long as the person is well informed about safe sex? (they definitely should be way before 17) "NO sex before high school" - I hate to tell you this, but if your offspring want to have sex before the age of 17, they'll find a way. You can't ban sex. I did it at 15 and so have countless others. Guess what, I'm perfectly well adjusted and have no regrets about the experience. And as another poster pointed out, there's no way you could ever enforce the no voilent/"sexually explicit" games rule unless you never let your kid out of the house. Basically I think aside from the drugs and alcohol policies your "rules" are inappropriate, unncecessary or impossible to enforce. You seem to have some sex hangups. I mean, you're happy for the kid to play violent games as long as they know it's not a reflection on how they should behave in reality...but not happy for them to watch "sexually explicit" games until they're of a specific age, even if they know all about sex before that. That seems out of place.
Honestly I have no idea. My son is fiesty and very strong-headed. Im pretty sure Im gonna have to be very careful how I word things with him because I can already tell hes the rebelious type. One thing I know for sure is I dont want to be like my parents. They were so overbearing to the point when I moved out at 17 I made up for lost time by getting myself in some pretty bad situations. Im hoping by being a little more lenient with my son he wont make the same mistakes I did. One of my biggest flaws as a teenager was not realizing bad stuff really does happen. I was so sheltered. Maybe by showing him some real life people that fucked up their lives he will see. The only rules I know for sure I will set: Dont get brought home by the cops Dont let your grades drop Dont get a girl pregnant If that means letting him smoke and drink in my presence, so beit. Sex? Sure, just wrap it. I also want him to know the good and the bad parts of my past, even if that means shattering the perfect image of me he may have (as of now, mommys a superhero ) My parents never told me their own life experiences so I never took what they said to heart because "pssht, they dont know jack shit, what have they ever done?"
My boys are way too young to apply this but I think that these will still be the same down the road... ultimately I know they will find a way to do what they want and get away with it...I did. I can only make sure they are really well informed and make the best choices. Alcohol: its a part or growing up. Never drive or even ride a bike drunk. For the first few times I would appreciate if they chilled at home until they were able to handle the buzz responsibly in a party setting. Learn your limits and don't over do it. The people I know with the harshest parents always went overboard when they could. It was a huge fuck you to their parents. Marijuana: How can I condemn them for something that I fully support? learn everything they can about it and use responsibly. Drugs (Besides Marijuana): Learn form my experiences. I would encourage them to talk to my friends that have drug problems and have ruined their life on hard drugs. Dating: Play it safe and it is a healthy part of growing up. How could I put an age limit on dating. It can teach us really important aspects of living. Sex: Keep it safe. Bottom line, learn about the horrors of STD's and teen pregnancy and keep your shit in order. Porn: A curious glance is healthy as a young male. A hard drive full of animal porn is a different story. Violent Movies/Games: I don't allow it now, but as they get older and can think for themselves and realise that violence is not a way to live its their choice to watch what they want. They will be exposed to it everywhere outside of my home anyway. Sexually Explicit Movies/Games (But "R" or similar rating): Same as above Homosexuality: Is no different that being straight. I don’t care if my boys like boys, as long as they are happy and can love someone as much as I love my wife I will be happy.
In the wild, most animals raise their young until they are capable of taking matters into their own hands... My parents did that to me in a way. My mother knew when I was wrong and doing bad things, but she knew I'd learn my lesson and boy did I! I will educate my kids on the things that matter and tell them of my experiences and lessons learned and hope it turns out for the best. It worked for my brother - who is 21, doesn't drink, smoke, or do anything of the sort. If my child should get into trouble, I won't bail them out. If they should get pregnant or get arrested or become addicted to drugs, I will do all I can to help, but I'm not going to financially support them or their habits. Also, I think its wrong of these parents who think their kids do no wrong. If my child murdered someone for no reason, you bet your ass I'd testify against them. I was raised by tough love and I guarantee I will raise my kids the same way.
Seriously, what is with the memory loss thing when people become parents? Teenagers arent going to take you seriously, and you should remember this from when you were a teen. Whether it was back in my day and you had to program the VCR for them, or nowadays if they have to explain what a wifi router does. Its not like they are going to turn around and hang on your every word as gospel on other subjects. Everything you listed there I started on with my parents having no clue. My Dad sat me down when I was 17 and gave me the birds and the bees talk,almost a decade too late, and the hetero version of course. When I had half a dozen guys on the go at that time. And at 15 I was playing bodyguard to best female friend and her skank gal friends in high school while they fucked older guys for pot/money/vodka. At that talk, I seriously did get "When a man and woman love each other very much..."
