I've become really broken inside and don't understand the dynamic. I feel let down by doctors. Never really got into psychadelic drugs, mostly just marijuana. I've wondered though if maybe the right drugs would allow me to have awareness of my inner illness (not sure of combination of bad entities, energies, thought forms, curses, etc.) where I could do something about it. I don't mind having to face real demons or whatever. I just want to get healthy. Some concepts I wonder about relating to this: Maybe a decent amount of this stuff comes from bad things in my aura. A psychic told me this in the past, but I wondered. Maybe something like DMT would let me be aware of my aura? Currently I don't even have the ability to visualize at all. Can't even picture what I look like in my mind. Makes me feel like visualization exercises could be like exponentially more powerful if I could get visuals on what I was trying to imagine. While part of my dysfunction seems to maybe stem from bad energies or spirits in me, there is also quite a bit that seems related to bad mental programming. Maybe tripping out on the right drug would confront me with that programming on a level where I would know how to change it. Thanks for reading. Looking forward to feedback.
I got started planning some stuff out today somewhat like that. Thinking of going to buy a tent and stay on the front lawn for a week or something. In the past I was told nature spirits can help with healing by laying on grass. Also the fresh air seems good. I was thinking to of having myself blind folded the whole time. Might help my inner eye open. Also could practice meditation. I might try some psychadelic drugs that could help, but I'm not sure that would be good. Plus I don't know where to get any. I saw on wikipedia that the psychiatric drugs page talks about how psychadelic drugs can be better than typical ones used for mental illness in some cases, but I don't expect to be able to find a local dr that would have / use them with me.
honestly, if you are not mentally stable or believe that you may be plagued by negative spirits, using psychedelics, or really any drug other than prescribed medicines sounds like a really bad idea. seems very likely that you would just mess yourself up more. that's just my 2 cents meditation sounds good. keeping your stress low sounds good. acupuncture and chinese medicine might help. hope that things get better soon!
ya. while i've wondered if they could help me a lot, i've also thought they could mess me up. not sure the potential, but my dad brought up concern about them maybe causing a psychotic break. going to try and get to the psychiatrist monday for some new meds. i'm hopeful things will keep improving. thanks for caring.
Exercise, eat well, sleep well, intellectually stimulating activities, social interaction of any sort, minimize unnecessary medication. These steps will make your mind much healthier if you do them consistently. We can give more information if you give more information, what do psychiatrists say you have, what medications do they prescribe you, how long has it been like this, etc. More details about what ails you too.
What is actually going wrong? Your post is rather vague as to what symptoms you are dealing with. If you are simply seeking some sort of validation for life or the like, try reading some self-psychotherapy books. I suggest "A Guide To Rational Living" by Ellis & Harper. It really helped me out with dealing with life. Elaborate on what you are dealing with though so we can suggest better things. As for drugs, it sounds like the type of thing you speak of is best dealt with without drugs. I know this from experience. I have schizoaffective disorder and also accompanied by severe personality disorder (unspecified). I take meds for the schizoaffective which help that, I also take a few "off-label" drugs for "life enhancement" but honestly the only thing that ever helped my bizarre personality issues was sober meditative reading and inner exploration.
Thanks for the tips guys. I was doing good with exercising and eating good, but kind of fell out of that and more into depression. Maybe will get back very soon. Funny coincidence that I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder as well. I'm not confident however that it was accurate, but I suppose it could be. I haven't really researched it enough. The main drug I've taken for it has been risperidal (or however it's spelled), but I can't say I noticed it do anything. I was given samples for Saphirs, but on the first try of it I had bad side effects where I like fainted and had difficulty breathing. Wondering about haldol as I tried that for like 1 day while in the hospital and wonder if it could have been good if continued. Not sure. As for elaborating on my concerns, there is a lot of information. My experiences cause me to figure rational intelligence points to some serious spiritual issues as being a very large factor of my problems. Also I know I have serious emotional issues and feel like I've like nearly died emotionally to the point that I don't feel. I acknowledge I may also have some chemical imbalance as well. Then there is the fact I have a lot of bad mental programming. Confusion as to the nature of reality and open mindedness to the extreme has been a significant cause of the development of bad programming and also amplifies the stress that inner dysfunction causes me. Past experience has pointed to the nature of a dramatic part of my inner dysfunction having the potential to be lifted supernaturally to a large extent. Two of the most recent occurences of this were 1) during the 2 hours or so I was in the emergency room at the hospital after trying to kill myself. 2) after spending 2 days doing a lot of forum posting on a spiritual internet forum. I can't explain the dynamic. Makes me wonder though about more evolved humans / beings doing healing on me from a higher level than the physical world. I feel I was really stupid in the past exposing myself to excessive internet porn and suspect that likely caused (at the very least) significant negative energies or images to be inside me on some level. The severity and nature in which it shows up makes me think it might be most likely actually negative entitie(s) or spirit(s) that got in me. I also imagine spending so much time over the years thinking about suicide contributed to having my spirit be even further down in the dumps or whatever. Another possibility I can imagine is that something like a curse was put on me. I've had a bizarre personality too for a lot of my life, but finally feel mostly past it. Strange looking back at when I was younger and feeling the need to not show any interest in females or music. Still am challenged in areas of letting go of social anxiety and expressing myself like by dancing or whatever, but I'm hopeful I can work through that in the near future. Just got a psychic reading today from a women that really seemed to care. Seemed like she spent considerable time on the reading, had a lot of years experience, and only charged me $10. Not all of it agreed with me, but most did. She reported an evil spirit like surrounding me and mollesting me by putting negative thoughts and feelings into me. A lot of times it happens and the bad though or feeling is retarded and doesn't relate in any way to what I identify as me. Other times the thoughts or feelings I can relate to, but they seem in a form exagerated to the extreme. I do wonder a lot if that "The Nature of Personal Reality" book could be good for me. I've moved my focus to wanting to deal with my inner issues, but I've also had immense frustration with how reality has shown up for me. I've felt like stuck in a hole for a lot of years where I just go in circles wasting my life. Time after time I've presented people with giant win-win opportunities where they could basically for sure lift me out of this life long depression, make a lot of money, indirectly likely help a large number of others later by me being in a place of wellness where i then put considerable energy toward helping mankind, and do so with extremely low risk. Every time, reality has not let it happen. Makes me wonder if some evil forces could be involved or if the resistance to that kind of help is a result of past sins or something. Recently on an internet money forum I brought up the topic and got nobody even interested in getting more information from me. I did get several interesting responses though. Got at least one pointing to some bible scriptures. Then another one pointing to a youtube video relating to The New World Order and beating the system. I don't like the idea of trying to beat any system so I only watched a minute or two of it, but the fact that was given in a response makes me wonder as to why. In a different political forum the other day I also got an unexpected response. Someone told me "Try DMT and you'll figure it out". So confused about reality. I don't expect this is even that real, but who knows. Kind of thinking I'm in something kind of like a dream. At this point I'm not sure what the best thing is for me. Ideally I would like to find a psychic type healer with the ability to create that inner lifting effect and take it further and also have me be like protected from the negative stuff returning. Not sure how hard that would be to find and I don't really have money right now anyway. I'm thinking I should start working on learning to meditate and do everything I can to cleanse physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. So very tired of it all though. I do suspect I may be very close to the end of the world as I've known it. Hoping that is the case.
Risperdal is not a very effective drug IMO. All it did for me was make me feel like I lost a significant amount of my intelligence and drive for life, but did nothing to combat my threatening symptoms of paranoia and associated rage outbursts. It is probably one of the more 'nasty' antipsychotics. I take a very low dose of Zyprexa now. It has side-effects like Risperdal but at least it actually WORKS. Of course, it doesn't help with depression (it isn't supposed to), so like I said, I take other medicine (as well as 'off-label' quasi-legal drugs) and use self-psychotherapy (I don't get along with therapists) to combat that.
