I am a 51 year old man who has spent most of his life in a terrible marriage wiht a slack jawed whore. I was not able to keep her and was divoreced after she had many affairs wrecked my fiances etc. Most of her behavior was indirectly caused by my unmanliness and inability to stand up for my self. A year after teh divorce I met a lovely woman who is everything my X was not. I have not been good to her and in many ways punished her for my X's behavior although ?i justified it to myself at the time. She rece3ntly took a trip to the north est for 3 weeks and I nearly lost my damn mind wiht jealousy although I know whe was working the entire time and I had noting to be jealous of. How to fix my self before I lose this wonderful woman who doesnt deserve my jealous rants.
stop ranting maybe? we don't wanna hear it either, bitch boy just make a mental note of it, and when you notice you are doing it - just stop. apologize if necessary, but tell her you need to think about what you say before you do it. i have found much of the way i act with another person is out of habit.
This isn't a habit it is so unlike me...it began when she was out east and was unable to call because she was working as an adjuster for the hurricane, when she did call she was either crying because she wanted to come home or clammed up and surrounded by other adjusters mostly all men... This behavior reminded me of bad old times and i started freaking...BAD I responded by detaching in a more or less healthy way not clinging etc...soon she was ready to come home. I am really concerned about my thought though they seem so out of control when they get focused on this thread...I was totally and utterly convinced she was cheating although I know logically she wasnt....weird. This has never happened to me before.
trust and communication are pretty fundamental to making a relationship work you could start by telling her that you think that you've treated her badly and want to make things right, that you care about her a lot you can tell her that being cheated on by your ex is still something that gets to you maybe think about going to couples counseling
well then ur not ready for a relationship. which suckes but u might need more time. ezer said then done i know. but u gotta just move on and be thankful u get the chance to wake up every morning and make the best of the day.
There are two books I always suggest people read if they need help with a relationship. One is "Love & Respect", and the other is "His Needs, Her Needs". The links I posted didn't work, so you will have to go to Amazon and just do a search on the title and it will come right up. I would suggest buying both of them and reading them through once a month until you have them memorized.
I think everyone has trust issues at some point in their lives. I've found, in my life, that you have to start off with every person you date with a clean slate. Any woman you are with does not deserve the baggage your ex left. She deserves to be treated as if she is #1 in your eyes
It'll come back by itself, don't push it. If you don't trust now, youre just not recovered. Give it time, it'll come back alone.
You seem realistic about the situation ,therefore you can take care of it properly. Do not make your friend suffer for what others have done to you in the past. If you keep doing this--you will suffer for it again and again. Also remember--YOU DO NOT OWN ANOTHER PERSON. You should not try to control her job--her friends-her life in any way. People stay together (generally speaking)by mutual consent. You get what you give and if what you give is a ration of jealousy,detachment and constant questioning of her life--it's your problem,but you won't have to worry about it much longer. She'll rightfully hit the road.
Thanks guys She came home on her own and we have had lots of long talks...i apologized many times and am working on me, i know it is all me not her......this was so weird but the triggers were so strong after three weeks of her being gone never calling at all then and calling me crying and needing money were too much..my X did taht shit too....under different circumstances of course The job was so stressful and Pilot Cat fucked her paycheck up repeatedly we were losing money on a friggin job that cost 5 grand to get! We actually coulnt afford for her to work for them! She has worked away before and i get a little blue but not like this..i should spend more tiem exploring why this happened...
