why after a few years of marriage my husband plays the prince charming helping the girl next door carrying her shopping bags when he does not even see if i carry some bags?is it happening often that a man finds it easier to smile at women he does not know so good than to smile at his live in partner with whom he shares the material problems ? i think these kind of men are very immature and their behaviour is totally unreal!if they just had a quarrel with their wifes they go have a easy chat with another lady who could be worse than their own woman in a relationship!but they are the one to get the surface smile and to feel like a princess ! maybe it is only outside a marriage a woman can find this kind of thoughtful gesture after all when the man is still half a stranger!pessimistic or realistic?
Yes, sometimes it's easier to have a positive interaction with someone you have no frustrating history with.
when dealing with a stranger, often it's easier to stick to the standard rules of basic manners, whereas with a spouse you're more likely to just be yourself.
People have a bad habit of taking their loved ones for granted. You can remind him and be non-confrontational about it - figure out a subtle way to remind him that you still need him and when he comes to your "rescue" reward him. Make a big deal out of it. If you find that he truly doesn't appreciate you - remember that there are plenty of other people (and this is true for anyone, no matter what your thinking) who will.
what i am wondering is if it is current and how often it is current.. is it something that happens almost of the time after many years ?and since it seems to be a natural behaviour i do not think i can stop that! it is funny today i met a couple i could recognize the same trend: the man became so selfish his wife was a useful helper dedicated to his wishes..i do think that in almost all the relationships you are ending up in a situation where you do not see the other any more.. so does it really make a sense to take another partner? maybe it is better to find a way to live with it..as to change for another partner sometimes couples are financially interdependant and this is my case.. but believe me if i win the lotto tomorrow i am buying my own house and live an independent life in it and see my partner only for the good times..i definitely think it is a way to have a better relationship! thank you everybody for the comments!
This phrase came to mind: If you've become part of the furniture, get out of the house. And I don't mean that literally. So you feel like he isn't seeing you anymore, yet other women get favours from him? If this is anything more than an overreaction on your part, it may well be that you've become too familiar. You're the wife...you're always there, like part of the furniture. The fact that you're even bothered about it may confirm that your relationship is stuck in a kind of rut. I suggest maintaining your independence...sod the lotto, do it now. This means not wanting him to carry your shopping and not giving a shit if he carries anyone elses. Allow him his freedom and enjoy yours. If you have certain patterns or ways of doing things in your relationship, mix them up. Go on some trips alone. Keep your confidence in yourself. You will get respect as a woman when you respect yourself...which means not letting your emotions depend on a man. You will be exciting to others when you provide new perspective, new ideas, new conversation...don't become the moaning wife, because it'll set you up for the kind of relationship you clearly don't want. Remember that sparkly wonderful magic feeling when you first fell in love? That was in part due to the excitement of the novelty...you were discovering eachother and treating every day together like a real treat rather than a drag with more complaints and problems. You know what? When you noticed him helping the neighbour with her shopping, you could have felt great about it...if only you'd thought "wow, he's such a sweet gent!" rather than "he doesn't do enough for me". You could have even told him how sweet he was for doing it and how you love it when he does you favours, too...which would have made him feel fantastic. When I was a child, my mum used to say "if you don't want to be walked all over, don't make yourself a doormat". You can, in part, choose your role in relationships by altering your attitude.
fingermouse you are just 23 you do not have the experience of 20 years of marriage!yes he is doing it just to be nice and it is true i think that we treat definitely sometimes worse the people we are living with than the people we barely know.. at the same time that shows us the limits of relationship and maybe we have to keep inside our own space where we can ressource and make ourselves happy.. i am a very independent person and from the beginning i am doing a lot of things on my own .. i think that people too much sticking one day will eject from each other!the key in a good relationship is maybe to know how to preserve your own independence that s right!
If you have ever seen the movie "When Harry Met Sally", you saw a basic truth in it. If a man gets a chance, he will screw any woman that comes close. This is irregardless of how good your sex life is with him, and it really doesn't matter that much if she is pretty or not. The trick is to not get into situations where we are tempted. If he's helping the next door girl, he's thinking about her while he masturbates. Given the chance, he'll be doing the horizontal tango, especially given the fact you two aren't married. If he's not committed enough to marry you, he's probably slept with other women along the way. There are two books I always reccomend to people with relationship issues, life changing books. One is "Love & Respect", and the other is "His Needs, Her Needs". You can do a search for both at Amazon and buy them relatively inexpensively when compared to the cost of an STD.
