Hello everyone, So I am an out of the closet lesbian, and have been for 10 years now. My problem is that I sometimes don't know where I fit in. I know there are lables, such as femme or butch or the many others and I don't really care for lables much. I just know that I dress more like a guy than a girl. A typically day is plaid shorts, and a T, or jeans and a t. Although my hair is long, even if it isnt down much. Sometimes I feel like, I try to make everyone else around me comfortable (as in the straight people, or my family, or my partner's family) by dressing a certain way, or having my hair down. Lately, I've been wanting to cut my hair short!! But I guess I'm afraid of what my family will think, or my partner's family. I want to be comfortable in my own skin, and I don't think that I am. I just don't know anymore...
I truly understand, I don't consider myself femme or butch, I am between, like a tomboy, but I do like to wear tight shorts, or harem pants with just a bra in the summer time. My mom always would tell me how to have my hair in a certain way, and I listen to her this time, but I'm not happy, I don't like how my hair looks at all. So next time when I get my hair done I'm definitely getting done my way, and she will just have to deal with it. Its not worth it to be unhappy and uncomfortable. You only live once.
i used to be femme. then androgynous...and then borderline butch. i can still go femme but sometimes, it doesnt feel right and sometimes it does. i can go from one end of the spectrum to the other depending on how i feel. my brain is androgynous so i go by that label. as for the way i look, i look the way i feel.
That feeling of 'not fitting in' will dissolve as you grow and carve your own niche (and create your own label). I personally disagree with 'butch' and 'femme' labels...I fall into the androgynous zone. I dress for comfort and my own personal style. I felt the way you do when I was younger, but have developed a new sense of confidence as I've grown emotionally. The good news is, you will too! That 'caring about what other people think' tends to be abandoned as you gain more confidence in yourself. Be gentle with yourself, be your own best friend, and most importantly love yourself...confidence is both sexy and charming. Gender roles, in my humble opinion, are slowly dissolving (they are but social constructions designed out of a patriarchal paradigm anyway). So straight women can look 'butchy' and lesbians can look 'femmy'. I say, do what you feel and love it...your pride and confidence will surface -- even if slowly.
Would you be cutting your hair for you, or just to please everyone else around you? You need to stop living for them and start living for you. If you want to cut your hair, cut it. You'll never be happy if you're uncomfortable with yourself. Who cares what they think? It's not like you'll be, "Surprise! I'm gay!" They know, right? So how much more uncomfortable can they really get... In the end that's their problem, not yours.
