The American Revolution:How that shit happened

Ok, I think everything that has gone on through history is a little glorified. Since it is the past, we add magic to it. Mystery has always had its benefits in the public eye (The wizard behind the curtain), and History answers mysteries while offering them too.

So George Washington and a group of friends (I don't know specifics, so I'm gonna say...100 friends) were pissed off about taxes. So they sat around, and got drunk, and bitched about it. Like, "Why do I gotta grow the weed/cotton, then send it to them for sale. Then I also pay them for luxuries from home?"
They all got wasted and were making their points, when Thomas Jefferson chimes in with, "You know...I can write this shit REALLL fancy. And make it sound REALLY good. Then we can all sign it and send it to the king. They all agree, and are like "Hell Yeah!" and the meet continues, then they went home.
Jefferson writes for DAYS. And eventually comes back with the finalized Declaration of Independence. Everyone was excited the other day. But now they're like..."I don't know man, I mean the king has an ARMY you know."

And John Hancock was just like "FUCK the bullshit." Walked up to that piece of paper and was just like "BAM!!", signature.

So they all signed, and sent it off to the king. Now, there was no email. No phones, no textin, no anything. So when the king reads that "The Colonies" are rebeling. He "assumes" that the colonies are rebeling. BUT it's really just Washington and his friends. Not EVERYONE. But the king doesn't know that. So he sends an army. This army gets to America, and it's like. "Pay your taxes in which case maybe be considered a trator by your countrymen, and could die. Or fight, don't pay the taxes. And stop feeding these ass holes living off your household while the kill your friends." And Paul Revere and probably others, didn't help. Running around yelling about murderous red coats invading.

So it became a fight for America. I think history was made by regular people. Not mythic idols. No one is born known as a legend. you gotta earn that. And that's all they were doing. They wrote the right letter to the wrong guy, and ended up heroes.

 

Instead of making up shit, I suggest you read the book "1776" by David McCullough.

 

Yes it is a conspiracy - the US is still a British Colony
- Great PR job eh?

 

So where did the Tea Party figure into your theory?

 

Dang! you were there?

Hardcore.

 

The revolutionaries were rich landowners with Washington, and his military experience, leading them. The average colonist was poor an didn't understand the protest or want to succeed. They were the majority loyalist, It took around 8 yrs for the revolution to take off.

 

Whatever, it's a joke dipshit. It's laments history, in a comedic way. Chill yourself.

 

Well I'm not sure when exactly the tea party happened, or I would have added that too. But that was just a bunch of drunk dudes being like, "Man, we can make the whiskey we're drinkin right fuckin here!!! What the fuck do we need their tea for..." *Group cheers* and there's the tea party.

 

It wasn't that funny (unless you're drunk). Bye.

 

drunk history is pretty funny.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6V_DsL1x1uY"]Drunk History vol. 1 - Featuring Michael Cera - YouTube

 

We are still a British colony. The IRS is owned by the British. Monarch still holds power, i believe the British fueled both sides of the revolution.

 

That's strange if true.
That would be crazy. But kinda makes sense no matter what. George Washington was British, and so was EVERYONE else.
Indians weren't funding the war...

 

What is true is the fact Paul Revere never shouted "The British are coming" because in 1775 everyone would've regarded themselves as British. More accurately he probably said something along the lines of the redcoats, or the army, is coming.

 

Right, what he said, according to eyewitnesses, was "The Regulars are coming out."

 

I thought it was more like

"Those Nigga's is comin to kill you, strap up!"

 

rofl

 

i assure you we did no such thing. most ungentlemanly.

 

Almost all the colonists grew a littje 'hemp'. When Paul came along yelling abouy the army Washington and his pals were sitting around drinking and smoking. What do we do with these buds? says Hancock "Quick put the kettle on!" says Ben taking the steaming kettle tossing the buds in a teapot to steep. Without even a knock much less a warrent in comes a Redcoat officer "What goes on here?" "Why Sire we're merely having a spot of tea." And thus the legend of the "Tea Party" .

 

what really happens usually tends to be somewhat cruder and cruddier then the cleaned up version parents want their little darlings to be taught in school. certainly. and it wasn't the tea party incident that lit the fuse, it was a pamphlet by thomas payne. with a modest little title of "common sense".

payne, and i think franklin who ran, or worked at, the print shop that printed it.

washington, who was of the "elete" came on board/was drafted to lead, AFTER that, and the others mentioned, not until after his little war was well under way.

while i admire the o.p.'s speculation, he got the time frame and the roster wrong, though the idea may not have been that far off. the new drug at that time was tobacco too, if it even was yet.

he got the not born mythic idles bit right of course. they weren't even particularly nice people some/many of them. village burner washington, was, if anything, an arrogant bastard if there ever was one.

 

OP was way funnier and way more likable when he was banned.