Hi everyone. Here's my story, and I'd really like to hear what people think of it. I'm a 16 year old male, and I'm trying to figure out my sexual orientation. I've been attracted to females ever since I could remember, but I've never gotten too serious with any girlfriends, and I've never had sex. A couple of years ago I had a sort of fascination with gay porn I somehow came across on the internet, and occasionally I would have sort of gay fantasies. However, it turned me off to think of two guys together, so I thought I was probably straight, just in a weird way. This has since changed. This year I met a guy who's a year younger than me but is in my class at school. I could not take my eyes off of him upon first meeting him. Since then we have have become pretty close; we now talk on a daily basis and I feel like we connect. He seems to be constantly on my mind. Even more confusingly, when I'm with him I feel the same kind of fluttering excitement that I do when I talk to a girl I am interested in. I'm really confused about my feelings. This guy is quite effeminate-looking, and I haven't found myself feeling the attraction I feel towards him with anyone else. Is it possible that this just is a confused phase in my life? I know there's not much point to putting a label on my sexual orientation, but would homosexual relationships be something to pursue? I don't know this guy's sexual orientation yet, or if he's into me like that, but I really want to be with him, not as a sexual fantasy but as a real relationship. My only fear is that I'll be getting myself into something that I won't be interested in in the near future, and it'll mess things up for me later. Do you think this will go away, or is it more likely these kinds of feelings are here to stay, and if so, would it be a good idea to follow these feelings at this stage? Also, how do I go about doing this, if the answer is yes? Thanks a lot in advance for any advice or thoughts anyone has to offer!
why are you worried that it will mess things up for you later. At 16 you are learning about your sexuality and nothing is fixed in stone. Follow your instincts and desires, maybe like me you are bisexual. Better to be open to your gut feelings than try and suppress them. For why should you in today's world? you don't need to conform to what for you maybe a possibly repressive moral code. Good luck, Simon :sunny:
the best advice in the world, in my opinion, is ---go after what you want. if you want this guy then act like it. and how to go about it---try to find out if he might be interested in you/guys the same way and if yes the rest should be easy. questions like 'are these feelings here to stay?' are pointless and more, they have no answer. also, sexual orientation is not a label. it's a physiological reality not a subjective perception.
Major part of growing up is really establishing who you really are. Your interest in your sexual orientation is perfectly natural. If you establish a pattern of homosexual behavior over the time, it would be correct to label yourself "homosexual". The operational words here are "a pattern over a period of time". Having sex with the guy whom you find attractive here will not suffice to label you "homosexual". Establishing a certain pattern requires a number of instances over a period of time. There are tons of posts all over the net bashing the labeling. There is little point in doing that. We all know that labels DO function and that they are here for a reason. Understanding the proper meaning of labels is another issue altogether. Just because you and your friend may (or may not) turn out to be homosexual does not mean that he will agree to having sex with you. This applies to all the other people with the same sexual orientation. Very few people will agree to have a sex with just anyone because they share the same sexual orientation. Thus, being aware of someone's sexual orientation does not warrant any sexual happy end. Labels are gradually changing their rigid meaning. Many people agree that sexuality happens to be fluid and with the disappearing of the stigma attached to being gay, many people are turning to be simply opportunists. Most people have an idea who their perfect choice would be but life teaches us to adapt to the circumstances at hand. The attraction under the circumstances takes precedence over the labels in many cases. It speaks volumes that you are concerned about the consequences of your actions. This is a very mature approach for anyone, let alone for a guy who is 16. You want to stick with this approach. However, you also want to understand the dimensions of the consequences you are concerning yourself with. Recreational sex is just that - recreational sex. It is meant to be fun and it does not carry too significant a meaning with it. People have sex mostly because they find each other mutually attractive. The notion that sex MUST be an expression of deepest love and a very long-lasting commitment is simply out of date in this time and age. Be truthful and proactive. The rest is up to the others. KD
