So coming out is supposed to be liberating right? Then how come I just want to crawl back in the closet? I came out to my husband a couple of weeks ago and it has been hell since. He's already emotionally and verbally abusive now its 24/7 Holly beat down. He told my mom and my mom is one of those Christians who think gay can be fixed so she thinks I'm delusional. She's sure there was a time I was strait...I know there was time was trying to be strait. Heck I even got married and had a kid. But I was miserable and living a lie. Mom told grandma who in turn told the whole family...ya know in the name of prayer *eyeroll*. I feel so lost and alone. I don't any gay people really well. I live in Texas its kinda smart to stay in the closet here. I need to know I'm not alone. Anyone elses parents think they were crazy? OR get the 24 hour emotional beat down? Anyone else enter a hetero marriage? I feel like dieing and would if it weren't for my son.
Trouble is 98% (roughly) of the population is not homosexual. A lot of that be true to yourself garbage comes from them, act PC about it.....until it directly affects them. So its not till you actually come out do you get to see what they are really like. Yes its good to be able to say it out loud, but thats for you....then theres having to deal with everyone else Your husband doesnt have to right to be abusive, but he does have the right to be pissed, he didnt get what he bargained for, you can understand that As for your mother, I wouldnt be too hard on her, its nothing to do with religion, thats just the cover story, its always more personal, she's probably more worried what its going to mean to your son. That is, she knows what people are really like, they'll say a whole lot of crap out loud to make themselves seem more superior but then act like idiots about it
Aw Geeraff - come and have a hug :grouphug: I don't know what to say. I've had to put up with a lot of rejection and negativity and hatred, but never from my own family. How awful to have plucked up the courage to tell them what you've known all along, to share an innermost, core truth about yourself with the people you love and care for, only to have them treat you like you had three heads as a consequence. Thing is, now you're out you're out. The genie can't (or won't) go back in the bottle. So what you gotta do is start from where you are, and build the life that you want. Let me tell you a very inspirational story. A friend of mine - a gay man - was applying for a job with a youth organisation. The person interviewing him clearly hadn't heard that homosexuals and paedophiles aren't the same thing, and was giving him a bit of grief about how could he be employed in a youth organisation? My friend just glared back at him and said "Can't you understand that my personal life is just that: MY - PERSONAL - LIFE. It's got nothing to do with the post you're interviewing me for, so shall we move on to something a little more relevant?" Good on him! Who you choose (or want) to go to bed with is nobody's business but yours and theres. And other people gotta learn that. So try not to let them get to you ... and come here for lots of non-judgmental support if ever they do.
I've been married twice (to men). I grew up in a very rural area where it's not ok to be gay. The relationships that I had with men never felt right. I started seeing my girlfriend last year and it was like everything made sense all of the sudden. It's very hard telling a spouse. My ex-husband had such a hard time understanding. He's still having a hard time with it and we've been apart for quite a while. I have a hard time understanding why something that feels so right to me is viewed as so wrong by other people. It seems very natural to me. Sometimes when we're out together I realize that people are staring all of the sudden and I have trouble understanding why. As far as the family issues, I didn't have all of the problems that you're having and I know that must be really hard. I had decided before I told everyone that it was my life and nobody has to live it every day except for me. So, I need to live it the way that I'm comfortable and happy. Have you talked to your son? That was really my one concern was my kids (they're 11 and 13). Turns out, they were the ones that were the easiest to tell... they were like "That's cool... can we go to the mall?" I also decided to come out because of my kids. I want them to be themselves. Anyway, hang in there - it gets better. :2thumbsup:
my son is 2 not much to tell. my soon to be ex husband is calming down. the job hunt is going well...despite mom backing out on babysitting and me having to miss a job interview.
Been there done that Geeraff. Married a guy and had some similar issues with family. These things will change who you are as a person. I had some negativity when I came out, only it was veiled and behind my back. I am stronger now, with thicker skin. Don't hide. "If you're gay, be gay in everything you do." Words from my grandma when she found out.
dont crawl back into the closet.you dont belong there.i noted you said your husband was already emotionally and verbally abusive an worse now.so even before its not somewhere you should be anyway.the abuse is whats making you think about dying.but you have your beatiful boy to go on living for, until you get to a place where your living cos you want ta live again.so lock that closet door from the outside kid an just keep on goin' til you come out the other end of it all.hugs :grouphug: an goodluck:2thumbsup:
