Help! I need some advice about a crazy Ex....

For once in my life I am happy and whole heartedly in love with my bf. He is the greatest man i know and wouldn't change him for the world. Treats me like a queen. The only problem is his crazy ex, She is still trying to control him and play games with him even tho they have been split up for over a year, and SHE Was the one who walked out on him. If I thoguht she was even a little bit worth the effort I would go knock her head off. I feel horrible for my bf because not only is she harrasing him, but his parents are on his back aswell. Cause it also happens that she has a baby that she claims is his, BUT when she got pregnate they were actually broken up for a month. She has only let him see the baby once since she was born and that was i believe 9 months ago now, Even tho he has wanted to be there for her and had told his ex this she still won't allow it and is giving him a hard time, Telling him that he has no rights to her because she left his name out of everything, But then turning around the next sentence and bitching because he isnt around and hasnt help out any, But she thinks it is perfectly fine that she walked out on him when she was preggo, Then when he tried to work things out with her she calls the cops on him, And he STILL wants to be there and help the baby out (not even knowing if she is his or not). Hiis mother wants him to fix it and magicly find out if the baby is his or not cause if she is she wants to be there for it .... and his father wont have anything to do with it till the DNA test is done (Which he is willing to pay for). But the ex will not allow anything of the sort Then it comes to me LoL .... When he is talking to her I get depressed and jealous and worry that he is going to want to get back with her for the babies sake and cause it's what his mom wants. Even tho he has Promised me in twenty diffrent ways that he will NEVER be back with her ever cause she is crazy and that he is with me now and wants to marry me and have our own family. But it pisses me off that he lets her get away with all the drama and headgames she plays, like one min telling him that he is no good and to never talk to her again then the next asking if he will do a favor and babysit, then the next hes no good again and not allowed to ever see her, then the next he no longer has a daughter. I just can't sit back and let her treat him like this i have to say something but i am scared if i say too much it will end up hurting someone. She hates me and the fact i am in the picture, she tries to pretend that i am not in the picture and has even told him she imagined that they were back together the one time she did let him see the baby, She wanted to kiss him, but she wouldnt allow me to go with him if i did he couldnt see the baby. she even found me on fb and messaged me a nasty message before their was even any contact between him and her, trying to put him down and say he left her and all that crap. WHAT SHOULD I DO .... If anything .... someoen please help !!!!

 

1) stream of consciousness writing can be useful, but if you want replies you should slow down, separate your thoughts, and press enter in between major subjects to create what is known as "paragraphs."

2) she won't let him do a paternity test? that means he's not the dad. if he insists on helping her raise a baby that's not his, he's not over her.

 

On the other hand,,

I can see having some love, sympathy, affection even for an ex, though the thought of living with them again could be repulsive. You can love someone without needing them around.

 

Nope any time the mention of a paternity test is brought up she FLIPS out about it. I think the main reason that he is still trying to work things out is that his mother is on his back about it so bad, And if the baby is his he wants to do the right thing and be there for her. I just hate seeing him being played by her, He's an amazing guy and is just too nice sometimes.

 

Also, if you (the new girl) show love, patience, tolerance for his decisions, instead of trying to control him, you'll end up winning. No one who tries to control others ends up winning, in the long run.

 

Ya i completely understand that there is going to be some kind of feelings there for her, she was his first real serious relationship and as far as he knows the mother to his child. There is no debating that, even tho he swears that there is none what so ever, i cant help but imagine there has to be some .... even a tiny bit in there somewhere

 

It's not wrong to love people, even people that are a bit challenging to live with. Love isn't wrong. You just have to exercise good judgment, to limit the amount of contact, and the means of contact.

 

I have been supporting him about it, His parents are controlling and i have told him that it's all up to him that he is an adult and old enough to make up his own mind about things, that i would be there for him when he needs it. Even told him IF he can find out the baby is his for sure that i would help him go for custody. The mother so far in the poor babies life has already had child services involved and has posted pictures that no mother in their right mind would post of their child on the internet, with all the sicko's that are out there.
But without high legal bills there is nothing we can do to find out for sure. I just dont wanna see him being treated like this.

 

Life gets messy sometimes, though we would prefer it tidy and neat. Keep a cool head through it all, you'll come out on top.

 

smart dad.