Boyfriend Taking Away Freedom?

Hey there. I know many of you will think this belongs in the Relationships forum, but I was wondering if my situation is of a man taking my rights away:

I've been in this relationship for 6 months, we were good friends 2 months before. It is my first relationship because I was always a happy chick who didn't see the need for relationships, I wanted to be free to love everyone (not saying I want to have sex with everyone, I mean emotionally). It took me awhile to finally agree to dating him. It's been a really good time, he's my best friend, has taught me so much and I deeply love him. However, I feel as though he has taken my wings away. I used to be very free spirited and joyful, but now I am always stressed, bitter, and on the verge of depression. He makes me change my clothes (by getting all upset and implying that I want to attract other men) when I love my clothing, I don't think it's slutty, I just love to wear light, short clothing in the summer weather. He has made it so I spend no time with friends, or else he guilts me into spending time with him, EVERYTIME we are in groups he gets so upset at me, saying how I don't care about him and jsut care about everyone else when I am constantly maknig sure he feels loved. Once I run after him, hold him and express my love for him, he's magically okay! Before him, I was very spiritual and meditated constantly, was at peace with everything. Now, he gets upset when I ponder Osho's teachigns about Relationships and Buddha's on attachment. Am I being caged? He does have so many traits that I love, he is my best friend. But I'm not sure if our love is worth my freedom and joyful spirit.

 

Sounds like theres some insecurity on his part. Everyone needs to be reassured sometimes however. I can't really comment on the dynamics of your relationship, but I can tell you this: I am all too familiar with the feeling of constantly being stressed, bitter, and on the verge of depression when in a relationship. From my perspective, it sounds like you don't want to be there.

Remember however that this has nothing to do with love. You can love someone even if you dont ''belong'' to them and they dont ''belong'' to you.

Find a way to get your wings back. Whether this means you stay or go, this should be your priority.

 

He is doing nothing more that talking to you. Or being pouty or ...

YOU are the one who is changing your habits, running after him.

Make your choice, if you want to spread your wings and fly or if you want to furl them and rest next to him. Its your choice.

But don't lay it on him. Giving him the blame for your actions is the same as giving him control over those actions.

 

Thank you both for your answers!

Shivaya; he has admitted how insecure he is. Especially in relationships. I think it's because his mother cheated on his dad and left him, so I try to have compassion, that must be such a hard thing to go through. && I've suggested not being in a relationship, but still being there for each other, but he got really upset.

&& MikeE; wow, thank you for the slap in the face. I really needed that, you are exactly right. I suppose I have played the victim card lately, when only I can choose my actions. Again, thank you both<3

 

Honestly, this sounds like it could easily progress into an abusive relationship. Let's just look at the facts you have stated:
He's separating you from your friends
He's criticizing the way you dress
He's needy

This are some pretty clear indicators to me of someone who might be abusive. Not to mention, he is changing your religious practices.

I don't know your guys' relationship, but if I were in your shoes I would call it off.
Just my 2 cents.

 

Yes, I totally agree. He's becoming controlling. Relationships is also about trust, it is important to have your own space and some time along either with your loved ones or friends. You either express how you feel to him, and if he dont get it , you need to find the strength in you and leave him, if you know he will get mad and abusive, say you want to take a break to clear your mind.

 

I have a friend, who has been in a relationship with a guy for about 2 years. At the beginning he was behaving like your boyfriend does. Now, she can't even go out without his permission. I ain't saying you'r bf will behave like this, but you should have a serious conversation with him about your personal freedom, and the fact that in a relationship, the most important thing is trust; without it, a relationship doesn't exist... Just my two cents...

 

I think its a little early in the game to label the guy as an abuser. I don't think thats fair. I myself have been known to be insecure in my earlier days and it never went further than what she is describing here.

He is not the one who is making her give up her spiritual practice. She is giving it up herself. It's going to be up to her to make decisions based on how she wants to live her life.

 

Shivaya, I didn't label him as an abuser...I said I could easily see this progressing into an abusive relationship. Of course, I don't know the guy but from what I've experienced/read, guys that are insecure and controlling have a higher tendency to exhibit physical violence should things progress that way.

I agree, at this point she is the one giving up her spiritual practice...but it sounds like that is in an attempt to please her bf. He (IMO) is not controlling her physically, but mentally. Manipulation is a very powerful tool in the eyes of abusers.

 

Thank you all for sharing your opinions, I really appreciate it. He's actually gotten a lto better since the time I've psoted this, he's grounded for a month so my time spent with him is limited to school, which I think is healthy right now. I know this may sound like a girlfriend in denial, but I honestly could not see him physically abusing me, ever. He has a very gentle soul, and will go to the ends of the earth to cheer me up when I'm down. He loves me so deeply. I think I just need to help raise his self-esteem. I never gave up on my spiritual practices by the way. We meditate together sometimes too, it's just harder taking on beliefs such as "Loving everyone as equals, we are all one" when my boyfriend is supposed to be even more loved and showed mroe attention. Thanks again for your answers!

 

He sounds insecure and possessive/controlling.

My advice would to be just friends, and don't accept ANY controlling bullshit.

 

i think the most important thing is to keep your social activities running and your hobbies also, in this way you are going to be yourself, i would just recommend to talk to him about issues that make you feel uncomfortable and agree that okay young couples need time to be together but they also need and some time on their own without the one nagging to the other about it...plus a bit of distance will keep you tighter...too much closeness sometimes can make get bored sooner...so keep it up with your friends and circles and never let go!

 

Remind him you are not his mother. As has been said--be yourself,do what you want to do and be with someone(or no one) that likes you for who you are. Live your life as you wish. Never give up your freedom for anyone. Never.

 

thank you with all my heart<3