I've been with a man for almost two years now and I love him to death. After I had a miscarriage a few months back, sex turned to shit. Hoping to fix things, I proposed the idea of a open relationship. Being the extremely sexual person I am, and never having sex with anyone other than my boyfriend, I thought it would be a great experience. I am still in school and I want to make the most of these years, as does he. The problem lies in his jealous issues, and my tendancy to fuck everything up. This past friday I had drunk, but amazing, sex. It reminded me of the sex I used to have with my boyfriend, and honestly after I had sex with that guy, I actually appreciated my boyfriend even more. Even though it was great, his dick was shaped quite weird, and I was greatful that my boyfriend had a normal penis... Anyway, he also did "stuff" (what it was, I don't know, but it wasn't intercourse) with a girl on that same night. I saw pictures of the two of them kissing on facebook, and yes it did hurt a bit, but we were in an open relationship and I had to remember that. I knew the first time was going to be hard, but as long as he didn't tell me about it I knew I would be perfectly fine. Him, on the other case, not so much. He was EXTREMELY hurt by hearing I had sex with another man, and he wanted to have sex with the girl he did "stuff" with just to "get back at me." I realized then, we could never have an open relationship. He is way too jealous. I hadn't been completely honest with him up until that point. I did not let him know that I had a miscarriage because it was such an ordeal for me that I did not know how to handle it. He didn't even know I was pregnant. I know it was extremely shitty and once I had told him, he became extremely upset - almost to the point of being suicidal. Since then, he has been extremely bipolar. One minute he tells me he wants to marry me, the next he wants to say whatever he can to hurt me. I love him to death, and I can't see myself with anyone besides him. I honestly want to marry him, eventually, and he's the one person I can see myself growing old with. He treats me so well, and before this incident, our love was so great. But I can't ignore the fact that I enjoy sex, and I'm always put in a position where I have the chance to fuck someone but I can't. I am at a loss here. I know I can't have my cake and eat it too, but I just want to be with him and fuck other guys as well. I know he will never, ever go for this seeing as it didnt work out last time. What should I do? Make myself happy now, or make myself happy down the road? I know I will never meet anyone like him ever again... but I have to make myself happy!
You don't know this...... You may feel that way, but in reality you can't possibly know it. No offence, and I'm crap at relationships but I wanted to point that out.
I would recommend that you read the book The Ethical Slut. It can help you think through a lot of issues and lay some important ground work for your relationships should you choose to have an open, or polyamorous, relationship.
if you want to have wild sex . then do it . why he have to learn it . like i do with my girlfriend and maybe she does it . if he learn that you had sex with someone then you give him right to treat you wrong and bad . other men would leave you if he knew you cheat on him .you really are bad girl , you cant appreciate and see how much he loves you . he seem think like me . he owns you and you belong to him . he can cheat you but he always return to you . for him is just a sex and no emotion . but for you it wasn't just sex . you having emotion while was with ex that other male . two choices . love him or love him but having sex with a male whore .(better male whore you pay him he satisfy you) . hope i help you . ps can you read my post i would appreciated your help i am in big mess to.
You didn't really go about things right, at all. It sounds like you rushed into the idea of opening up the relationship, without laying down the foundation, or even inspecting the site. There should have been rules, there should have been talks about if you'll both be able to handle it, about how you would feel if this or that. Then, you told him some pretty heavy stuff that you held back, at the completely wrong time. He was already stressed out, you guys were already having trouble in your relationship, what were you trying to do to the poor guy? After you guys are fighting about things done apart in an attempt to open up the relationship (something it sounds like you were way more into), he finds out that you went through this horrible ordeal, that with a bit of different luck he would've been a father, and you didn't even tell him. I'm sure you had your reasons. I'm sure things worked differently in real life. But on this monitor, it looks almost like you were trying to sabotage the relationship. I don't see how you can possibly blame the guy for being a little nutty; you put him through some pretty rough emotional twists. Now, you have to decide whether you want him, and only him; or a new relationship. It wouldn't be the least bit fair to even think about opening up the relationship until his scars have healed, and you're right, it is unlikely that he would be able to handle it, ever. We can't help you decide that though. Not really. Only you know, or can decide, whether or not you could be happy spending the rest of your life with him. Just remember, you aren't the only one in this situation; if you don't think it could work out, let him go. If you think your lust will settle; then maybe there's some rekindling and reconnecting you should get to.
