Please read my cyber infedilety dilemma!

Hi, I would love to hear from anyone who's been in a similar situation.. or any opinion on this,

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years, and living together for most of that. I've had suspicions through our entire relationship about his cheating/lying.. with one girl in particular who he works with.
Every time I've confronted him after seeing messages, finding condoms, finding out he's been lying about where he's been etc he's managed to convince me he's innocent. In retrospect it's easy of course, I should have left at the first signs.
But you know love and blindness and everything.. I chose to believe him. My fault.

Things have reached a point a week ago where my suspicious little self found that he's been in constant contact (as in every day) with numerous girls online.. chatting constantly, having frequent sex on webcam, sending and receiving dirty pictures and messages.

Now this has come totally out of the blue. I had suspicions about one girl.. and now i've found all this. On top of that he also has fetishes/some kind of sexual attraction to 1. armpits, and 2. girls doing poos.

Ok.. so I can understand that people have fetishes that can be embarassing and I can understand completely him hiding these things from me.

But.. all the girls online (at least 7 he speaks to very regularly, as you would a friend, 2 he speaks to every single day and he's having cyber sex with all of them.)
This I do not understand. Not to sound self righteous, I have my faults, but sexually I thought everything was perfect. I am attractive, 13 years younger than him, VERY open sexually. I have given him the opportunity many times to tell me what he likes sexuallly, he's always insisted he just likes "nice, normal" kind of sex. The most sexually adventurous thing we do is talk out fantasies of him fucking other girls, which we both enjoy alot.

At this point I want to end the relationship, despite how much I love him,.. the part that upsets me the most is that like i said before i am totally open to doing anything to satisfy whatever need he has and he's always known this. Secondly the last few months he's been saying he's been feeling unwell/working alot and we've barely had sex at all. But in this time his online encounters were increasing so much you wouldn't believe it.

I hope at least one person gets to the bottom of my rant to give me a reply.. sorry it's so long!

I want to know.. what would you do? Leave immediately or stay and try to understand why he does this and how to stop it?
(this is what he wants to do.. he is refusing to accept that i'm probably going to leave and insists we'll stay together and hell change)

 

Get the fuck out of there.

This guy would rather wank to strangers doing shits on webcam and make excuses to you. This lying, sneaking nature which doesn't understand what a relationship is will not change.

If you want to spend the next few years wondering every day what goes through this guy's head, or worse, getting to the point where you no longer care and your relationship is pretty much dead, then stay. He's had two years to prove his true nature, and this is him...It's not wrong of him, but is it really what you want in a man? It sounds to me like this guy needs to be alone in order to think about what relationships actually are. Or just to wank over armpits. Whatever takes his fancy. Meanwhile, you can seek out something with more promise.

 

I'd leave his ass...........

 

If he's been keeping all that stuff from u, chances are he will keep doing so no matter what, and he probably hides more things u're unaware of.
As Fingermouse said, if u stay with him u will spend the next few years wondering every day what goes through his head... And obviously its making u miserable at the moment, so im sure u don't want this to go on.
Leave him and find a man who is faithful and honest.

 

You already said it yourself, you should've been out of there a long time ago.

Do you really deserve this? Do you really need to be in a relationship so bad that this is what you'll settle for?

 

Is this taking time away from you? Is he prefering cyber company to your company?

Is his emotional connection to these cyber chicks any stronger than your emotional connection with your vibrator?

 

i would leave him, but first give him a parting gift of poo in his bed.

 

loose him

 

Leave him! As others have said, who knows what else he's keeping from you.

P.S. By the sound of your description, you will have no problem finding someone much better than him!

 

How old is he and how old are you may I ask?

 

Also would you poo for him if he asked? Just curious

 

Wow thankyou everyone for the replies! I am very grateful to all of to all of you!
First to answer the questions, I've just turned 24 3 days ago and he's 37. No I would not poo for him in a sexual way, that would be too weird for me, however if he had have been open about it I would have respected it, coz like I said many people have fetishes like this and weirder, I would have been willing to let it intrude on our sex life somewhat (maybe je could watch his pop porn while we had sex and I didn't pay attention, or he could talk about it during sex while I zone out a bit...) and definitely would have given him space/no pressure for sex if I knew he needed personal poo masturbation time or whatever.

And an update.. It's been 18 days since I discovered the extent of the cheating (not that anyones counting..) and in that time I have left him.


What I wrote about originally was focussing on the cyber thing, because I wasn't comfortable discussing it with anyone (especially the poos thing) so I went to seek the opinions of strangers.
but unfortunately the girl he works with I had my original suspicions about well, the suspicions were all correct and there were others like her aswell.

When I confronted him with all this information , which I had proof of btw. He admitted to a few things, denied alot. And I am not joking.. Tried to make the fact that I was snooping on him worse than what he'd done.

I told him that there was no way in he'll he was getting out of this and I couldn't stay with him (this was the second day, if I'm honest, the initial confrontation involved
Me screaming at him, then crying hysterically , shaking etc while allowing him to comfort me.
Definitely the lowest point of my life. When I regained my senses, I told him that can't stay with you, disgusted, betrayed etc but that I had a huge busy week, work plus assignments for last week of school. So I didn't have the time to move out but I'd do it as soon as possible.
That week was horrible, he refused it was over, blamed me for not being a forgiving person, he was sorry, we had to stay together because we love each other so much. Blah blah.. Getting really aggressive if I tried to insist we were breaking up, sending me text messages, both sorry and abusive all day. When he came home and saw I'd started packing, he got so angry I had promise I'd unpack the next day.

I ended up throwing all my things in rubbish bags with two friends while he was out and leaving, took about 15 minutes. And that was 9 days ago.

I still love him and miss him intensely, I have to remind myself every day of what he's done so I don't cave in and come crawling back to the love, intimacy and friendship I thought existed.

Sorry again for the long rant but seriously.. Where does this guy get off? I am not a stupid person but he turned me into one: example of one of our many conversations during the last days :
Me: (after being talked at for a long time about how we have to stay together)
"please, you have to stop emotionally abusing me, I am a grown person and I can make my own decisions. Im leaving and that's it.
Him: I'm not emotionally abusing you, you're just pathetic. you need to go and get yourself checked, you have mental problems.
Me: start crying again.
Him: gives me a big hug and I not only let him, but find comfort in it.'


Thoughts ? Anyone else been this stupid ?

 

Lots've people have been way dumber. You got out, you did good, now you just have to keep it that way.

Relationships, especially when they end sour, can be a bit like addiction. You know it's bad for you, but your brain still craves it whenever it's effects are out of mind. You are doing yourself right; it may be painful, but don't ever forget the things he did to you.

You're doing great, and I think you've been pretty intelligent in your handling of this, really.

 

I see no problem with just cyber sex , but if you are finding rubbers , new or used he is fucking some one else , and not wanting a std . Leave him . desert rat

 

I can relate.. you are doing great. I am in a similar situation, needing to stay the fuck away from a female and what you typed is very inspiring to me.

 

Good on you for leaving. I know it hurts and will be difficult for a while, but keep your head high. He's a dog and he doesn't care about you or your feelings obviously. And he's the one with the problems, if he's saying he loves you one minute and abusing you the next.
You truly deserve better, you sound sweet and ideal for many guys. So good luck!! x

 

update?

 

Update: it's been 15 days since I left the house, was staying with a friend and just moved into my new place last night. I've had a few things to discuss with him, like getting off the lease and bills etc.. Plus canceling a holiday I'd planned for him..
We met once to discuss things, was mainly a logical discussion about what had to be done, but deteriorated at points to more of the same him insisting we had to stay together, apologizing, still denying some of the "charges" and trying to make out I was a worse person than him....
Since then have been a few emails and texts about practical things, flight credit etc.. I made sure to stick to the subject matter and not reply to any "I miss you I love you please come home blah blah..."

Thankfully the messages have stopped.. And I'm feeling good. I feel lonely alot, which is understandable considering my life revolved around him. To be honest I do feel a bit miserable, but I just keep reminding myself that it'll get better with time etc..

And I would rather feel sad for a while than have a false sense of happiness thinking I've got the perfect guy who is actually controlling and repressing me while doing all that behind my back.

So working on bit by bit on getting my life back. I was thinking I would be totally lost and have no one without him, but thankfully I have much better friends than i thought who have come out of the woodwork, and it's amazing to be able to go out with friends for lunch, drinks etc or just hang out without having to worry/ask permission, or just automatically say no.

Thanks everyone so much for the advice and support.. There's nothing like outside opinions to make the obvious obvious!

Much love xoxox