Hi all, I recently had a crush on a guy in my school. I found out soon after, among other things, that he was Christian, the specific branch of which I haven't found out. He's not die-hard religious, but he does attend church every week. There are certain things that make me think that he's gay, or at least not totally straight, but I can't tell for certain, and his religion makes it even more confusing. I was just wondering, how significantly does his religion lower the chances that he's gay or bisexual, and willing to accept it? I'm planning to ask him out casually, but I'm not sure if doing this too early would scare him off, or if he would reject me completely because of his religion (or because he's just straight). Thanks.
I'll be the devil's advocate here, and ask, what if he turned you down, because he were not interested in you, personally? Both his sexual and religious orientation may be of no importance, if he is not interested in you. For all that matters, he may be as gay as Christmas and as Catholic as Pope, if he does not find you attractive, not much will happen anyway. I'd focus on trying to find out if the vibe between the two of you is right in the first place. This is really what matters. Everything else may be of some importance down the road. But you want to do the first things first. Religious attitude may be an issue once you decide to live together or enter some sort of a LTR. But you are not there yet. KD
Hi KD, thanks for the reply. I've definitely thought about that too. We might be past this stage; we go around together most of the time at school, and he calls me several times a week and we talk for like hour about whatever we can think of talking about. If he's just not interested in me, or he doesn't swing that way regardless of his religion or anything like that, that's a whole different problem that I can't really deal with, and I wouldn't bother bringing back here. What I'm asking here, though, is purely centered around religion: how much of a difference would it make on his sexuality?
Religion has no effect on sexual orientation. Religion might cause all kinds of fear, guilt, shame or whatever but the boy is gay/bi or straight and it has nothing to do with being born into a family that has a certain religion. Religion does not determine eye color, skin tone or any other biological attribute. What about you? Would you still be gay had you been born into some flavor of religion?....same with him.
Here's an added thought. When I was in high school I had a friend who was a major part of my life. From 8th grade through sophmore year we had great, sweet sex. I still remember how powerful that feeling was. Then his true sexual orientation began to take over and he was soon dating girls and going "steady". He completely rejected my efforts for sex by saying it was just "kid stuff". He had moved on. Be aware that can happen too. Nothing will protect your heart but your head can be ready.
Hi Parkade: There is probably no universal answer to your question. IMHE, some people view their religious orientation as a purely personal matter, and are NOT keen on imparting it upon other people. I have met a fair share of people who insist on "being very much in your face" about their attitudes and beliefs. I guess, we have all met people who insist on convincing everyone around that they are right about every topic under the blue sky... Some people wrestle with their religious beliefs at all times. This affects their sexuality, too. The others have absolutely no problem with keeping their religion and their sexuality separated. Only you know your friend. And only you can find out how the cookie crumbles in this one particular case. I have made friends with benefits with several religious guys. Only one of them really allowed his religion into the realm of his sexuality. This started to have an adverse impact on our lives together. I moved on. All the other guys knew how to keep their church out of their beds. KD
I think this is an important point. From a religious background just that little more likely they didnt attend a co-ed school or the parents were more stricter about seperating them when younger. Dont take same sex stuff seriously cos thats just what kids do when they were younger, junior high or earlier, back when kids dont really know what it is. Its one of the main areas that can really mess up your gaydar, when they are comfortable around you more than the average, but that comfort factor is because they dont take it seriously. And it does seem to be something a little more common in those with a religious or non co-ed background As a side note, you may have noticed the girls dont all react in the same way, some will over mother you, not take you seriously, you are gay cos you are too scared of girls type attitude. Thats really the same kind of thing, cos back early on when they were younger, too scared of guys or petrified of getting pregnant dabbled in same sex stuff, back at an age where it was silly kids stuff. Will never admit to it, but project that you're still a little kid attitude on to you as a way of trying to distance themselves from that. Ends up sounding like, well you are not a grown up until you become one of us. So in the end its pretty much the opposite of what it initially looks like, it doesnt have anything to do with you, and you end up working out that it does mean in almost everycase, they didnt start off hetero. Or think of it as reverse-closet is a better way to put it Whether its from a straight male or female, that kind of attitude can be irritating (especially if its a hot guy ) or come off rather patronizing, but in the end they are the ones more relaxed around you. And usually serve for longer lasting plutonic relationships. Makes a huge difference 20/30 years down the track once everyone else has been married forever and is psycho territorial about their partners, you end up representing that which is least threatening to them
