My friend and I had planned a fun evening on a Saturday night. We were going to roll on MDMA and attend a rave in downtown Detroit. Well the events unfolded and have led me here, to the end of a literally insane 2-day binge of stimulants and MDMA with a person that I realize I barely knew. He's handsome, outgoing, fun and exciting to hang out with. But he has a pretty bad case of manic depression. He is one of the heavier drug users I know. He lives with his aunt and uncle because his biological mother and father were abusive drug addicts. He is the real life harry potter in that respect. He's a friend that I've been associating with for some 3 years, but never really getting to know him like this. We began the evening by seeking out the MDMA, but ended up with a group of other people that dragged us along to score some heroin before they helped us out with the MDMA. Dragged us along a fucking 2-hour journey into the East Side of Detroit while we didn't even realize they were just trying to score their dope. Who even does H before a rave? Anyway we finally got the MDMA, missed the rave but created an after party at my friend's house. We snorted line after line of that beautiful white powder, and I took a 30mg Adderall XR at some point. Before we knew it we were rolling away into the sunrise in a euphoric mania. I felt an intimate connection with those that had been with us that night. I felt an intimate connection to this friend that I felt I had strengthened my friendship with. Life was looking up, we were going to befriend these amazing people and join the Detroit electronic scene. We awoke and still felt the afterglow of our amazing night. I went and picked up adderall for my friend and another person that had to work at 9am after staying up all night. I realized that my friend had just pulled his 2nd all-nighter in a fucking row, both nights filled with lines of MDMA. We awoke the next morning and I brought him the Adderall gift and hung out with him at the apple orchard where he worked. He was boring. He was pissed off. Until the Addy kicked in and we slammed a quick line in his truck at the orchard. I took 2 Focalin XRs and felt rejuvenated in my sleep deprivation. Anyway, he finished work and we both declined into a definitively crashed state. My face felt like it was melting, I was clammy and my brain wasn't clicking right. No more MDMA, I wouldn't blow a line if you paid me. And I was only on one all nighter. He looked awake, but couldn't sit still and was visibly jonesing for sensation. Not MDMA or anything else, just sensation. He couldn't just sit still. He needed to feel but couldn't, and I could see everything changing. So we go our separate way from a friend's house, where I stayed to hang out before going home. Then I got a call from my friend. He was crying harder than anyone I've ever heard. Gasping for air. "I THINK I JUST GAVE MY MOM A HEART ATTACK, I PUNCHED HER IN THE FACE. SHE WAS LAYING ON MY BED, SHE LOOKED DEAD" followed by insane ramblings about seeing me in another life and manic things like that. Well my friends and I called the police because he was not normal, this was not normal. Those kind of intense altercations with your mother aren't normal. You don't threaten suicide to your friends then hang up. We drove around trying to find him while he ignored our calls. I felt really shitty because I knew that all the MDMA abuse had pre-empted this insanity. Well he eventually showed up and the police talked to him and told him to stay with us. Something should have been done though, it wasn't a simple altercation caused by teenage angst. He is off. I was so pumped. Pumped to have this amazing experience with this friend that seemed like it would lead to awesome things in the future. Pumped to have had this intimate roll with a bunch of really awesome people. But it wasn't true. Rolling words are never sober thoughts. Rolling is a fucking mirage of empathy and love. My friend kept himself in a manic state for 2 days, before it got to be so much that he nosedived into complete depression and mania. He is a dick. He is a jerk. Then he's nice. He does crazy shit like he pulled tonight. I don't know how to handle a friend like this. I don't know how to stop doing drugs myself, let alone tell him that he needs to stop this absolutely reckless substance abuse. Every time I come down off the euphoria of drug's and the opportunities they seem to bring, I realize that we cannot sustain anything positive from intoxication. We can't live normal life in euphoric, empathetic bliss. And this night more than ever made me realize that drugs and mental illness should just not fucking mix. Bi-Polar people try to extend that mania, taking stims, MDMA, etc to keep them awake before they fall asleep and wake up on the other side. Hopeless, apathetic, angry. I didn't know where to post this, I just feel hopeless about everything after this shit tonight.
Well first off, stop lumping all bi-polar people together... As for your friends drug use... what do you do about it? Nothing beyond sharing your opinion with him. Blaming this on mdma is really pointless, you mentioned multiple drugs, plus sleep deprivation in a mind that is already on a slippery slope... Choosing one aspect of what was going on and thinking it caused it isn't even close to being logical. Your realization that drugs and mental illness do not mix, just shows that you have no clue about mental illnesses, and unless you plan on doing some research and learning about these issues, you would be better of to walk away from your 'friend', for both of your sakes.
I didn't share my opinion with him about anything, like I said I didn't realize how unstable he was until this weekend, and the main theme this weekend happened to be MDMA. I didn't "blame MDMA" I was just sharing a story that happened to feature MDMA and mental illness. I was freaked out and afraid for my friend, and we drove around to fuckign find him and make sure he was safe. And I kept him company and didn't say shit to him about his issues. As for MDMA and bi-polar, they don't mix because MDMA encourages the user to unnaturally maintain that manic state with rolling until they crash fucking hard. You're a dick. I was just caring about my friend and worried. I don't know what your deal is, you're abrasive and rude.
I've never rolled so I can't speak for the moly crowd but it's a great realization to know that drug induced ephophia isn't permanent and that things said heavily intoxicated are often weightless. it's also good to know that some people can only help themselves. All you can do is provide them with healthy ultimatums and if they can't meet you half way you have to dump them. bi-polar is about control. being in charge of your emotions, fighting the strong desire to follow the flight feeling (just letting yourself take off) and if you can't do that by yourself you get a support network and if you can do it with a support network you go get a script. any heavy drug compounds any brain abnormalities. I find I am very susceptible to being very active under the effects mj and liquor, but psychedelics generally calm me. no drug should become habitable (they are all so much more awesome as garnish), the habit should be sobriety, because at the end of the day it's way we were born to be.
Once only and then I become very very nasty about this... I don't give flying fuck what your experiences may or may not be... they do not in any way shape or form grant you the ability to speak for all 'bi-polar' people. Take all of your sanctamonious statments in your post and fuck right off until you come to the realization that your experiences do not put you in the position to speak for anyone else. Do I sound mean and nasty? TOO FUCKING BAD... I get this way when people think they have some right to make claims for all others by nature of going though something that is lablelled the same.
Hey!!!!I have had stuff like this happen! You got to learn to be around people who can chanal these negtive thoughts and roll with the punchs!What do you think fear and loathing was getting at? "shit happens"when it dose dont let it get to you like this!For example its like a redneck and his brother getting in a fight after drinking and then they say there not going to drink but the next weekend guess what? There drinking! Dust your self off girl!
I have bipolar 1, I have never rolled but no stranger to drug abuse. I also know that being in control is not possible when manic/depressed that's why its called fucking bipolar disorder not fucking happy and sad. Damn the girl is fucking concerned about her friend for fuck's sake! And yes some bipolar folks do enhance or extend their mania with drugs. I was manic all the time without drugs...I eventually used heroin to take the edge off myself. I get so hyped up I can't stand it and I can't sleep, my mind races, I can't stop...etc. There is no willing it away and when you develop a drug dependence it REALLY SUCKS! When manic I am in insatiable fiend for anything pleasurable. Its just sex, sex, sex, drugs, drugs, drugs, travel, buy, create....etc So, tjtigers14, if you need to talk to some one about this, talk to me I feel ya.
What the fuck, man? First, you get "MDMA" from sketchy junkies.... that was not MDMA, you didn't get pure white MDMA from anyone who spent half the night trying to score H. Second of all, you went on a multi-day speed binge and mixed in random fake MDMA, and then give the guy an amphetamine to start the day, and you're suprised when his demons come out and blend with amphetamine psychosis. And then you go call the cops and blame drugs. If you couldn't handle him yourselves, after you started the whole thing, the only NON cowardly thing to tell them is he was on a speed binge because of you. But instead you presumably blame MDMA, a chemical that you guys didn't even HAVE. You are really looking like a pretty horrible person, unless there's a lot that I can't see about this story.
People really do dumb shit to score drugs, been there myself. Too bad its not legal. Stimulants are very bad for people with bipolar they can trigger mania or make it worse. What I am saying is they can be a catalyst...even after the drug wears off the person is manic as shit. What her friend sounds like to me is having dysphoric/mixed mania, he amped, doesn't sleep, aggitated, he cries and wants to die all at the same time. That's happened to me before. So yeah, she did some stupid shit about scoring from junkies and now she knows just how fucked up the combo of bipolar and drugs are for her friend. So now she's worried for good reason....what to do now.
In my opinion, you hit both a right answer and a wrong one in that... The lack of sleep due to the drugs, is what causes the issues. Weed speeds up cycles.. which is good because it gives good and bad everyday without spirals up or down. X is just downright fucking amazing, but way to easy to fuck up and overheat and die from. About the only time I have felt what I think a 'normal' person feels like, is on X. Acid... well, I enjoyed the fuck out of it years ago, havent had any recently, but man... did I ever love it... lol I have found that from talking to many many people who are diagnosed as bi-ploar that have 'problems' with some drugs, usually miss the point that the drugs causes things that causes the issues.... such as lack of sleep... Take the most intelligent person in the world, and dont let them sleep for 24 hours, and they start becoming stupider by the second... make it to 48 hours, and you may as well knock them out with a baseball bat, cause there is little point in listening to them... 4 hours out of every 24 is vital to let the brain function. As for getting drugs from sketchy people... that speaks for itself...
Too many people are diagnosed with mood disorders when they have a substance abuse issue. You're right on about lack of sleep too, I have bipolar 1 and loosing just 2 hours can send me into orbit for months. I have a very high tendency to go manic than depressed. Even weak stimulants like caffeine can trigger it too...without loosing any sleep from it...its the stimulation of my brain that does it. Everybody with BP is different...most people with BP2 tend to get depressed more for ex and stimulants may not bother them as much. I love LSD but every time I did it, it made me manic for months...trigger. Those episodes happened anyway, LSD didn't cause them but it was a catalyst. The pain killer Tramadol is like fucking CRACK! It makes me instantly manic and so does methadone. When they wore off I would stay amped most of the time but a few times swung the other way pretty hard. Weed I had mixed results with, some strains were like medicine and worked great other strains aped me up or made my depressive episodes worse. If I had access to medical weed I could try each type and find the ones that work. But anyways, stimulation of any can potentially trigger mania...drugs almost always did and other stuff like excitement doing stuff does too on occasion though probably because people like me need to wind down afterwards but that's no fun. There's definitely a difference between somebody who is manic and not sleeping and somebody who is very sleep deprived and can't think strait or on drugs and acting "manicky". I remember when I dot Dx'd BP my doc kept asking me if I was on speed because the two look so similar. I said "nope, never done it, I don't need any" LOL
Ah yes i love me some mdma and i love being manic but its hard to stay that way. When im in depressed mode i try everything to get back to my manic state nothing works you just gotta play the waiting game enjoy it while you have it.its funny how people treat you differntly and walk all over you when your in depressed mode i hate it its like being a cracked decaying statue on display for your chastising brains and scrutinizing eyeballs! I am blessed with this disorder to do what others dream of. But it all comes with a price!
I have bipolar disorder and I don't have to "extend that mania" with stimulants. My mania comes on its own with triggers and I am left to deal with it. Mania feels great but it can really suck sometimes. Your body has such a hard time keeping up after a while. I like stimulants because I am able to keep up with my manic racing brain. I am able to be sleepless without being sleepy. My body is able to keep up with my mind. Also, when I do things like that I don't wake up "hopeless, apathetic, angry" - when I finally sleep I wake up happy that I slept and ready to continue on with my crazy little life. If you think bipolar is black and white like that then maybe you should do more research. If he woke up in that kind of a mood it was triggered, bipolar disorder isn't just crazy random, it's actually very predictable. Depending on how long he was asleep maybe he was experiencing mild withdraw symptoms. For the record, I am 4 months pregnant and no longer do stimulants, or any drugs for that matter, not even my prescribed medication.
