This is quite lengthy and for that I apologize. I want your input! :) please read.

Hello ladies. I'm sort of just ranting, but would like some input on my situation. This might be kind of scattered, but in a sense, that's how I'm feeling. Typically I don't post on forums, but this is not something I can talk about with anyone I know and you ladies seem to know what you're talking about.

I got a new job about 7 months ago and during the first 2 weeks I had to take training courses. One of my traitors was a very beautiful woman. We didn't talk a whole lot, and at the time I knew there was something about her, but didn't really think too much on it or pursue anything. Then in September she starting to come to the place I work. We talked a bit and joked often. We have each other these looks and when we caught each other looking we would look away and not talk. Everything was said with our eyes. After a couple weeks of this I couldn't take my feelings any more and had to do something. So, I set flowers to her office and on the card something so she would know they were from me, but didn't sign my name. I wanted to make her think. Anyways, a few days later when we saw each other she asked me if I sent her something. We talked about it for a while. She asked me what I was thinking and I told her.. She then told me she was straight. I told her I was sorry if I offended her and that she didn't have to worry about me "undressing her with my eyes". It was quite funny actually. As time went on we talked more and more and now for the past month we've been talking everyday. We even go out for coffee sometimes, and usually we're there for at least 4 hours. When we talk online we can't stop & we both end up sleep deprived. I hit on her all the time and text her in the morning and say "good morning beautiful". She doesn't tell me to stop. And I told her if she feels uncomfortable I'll stop, but she doesn't want me to. She says things like tht to me too. I also have told her that I still think she's gay, but in all seriousness I know she's not. Pretty much she confuses me sometimes, because she isn't always very direct. I tell her how I feel and that if she doesn't feel the same way to tell me.. She tells me to trust my instincts. Now, I've known from day one that I loved her, and as hard as I've tried I can't get rid of my feelings or stop thinking about her, not that I want to. The other night I was telling her my thoughts and feelings and this went on for 4 hours. It was a very serious conversation. Usually we joke around and she's a smart ass. Anyways, after telling her I wanted to be more than friends and her saying she doesn't know what that means because she thinks all friendships are relationships she says.. Even though I don't fully understand what this all means or what kind of friendship we'll end up with I can say that I care for you very much and even love you, too.... Now do you see how I'm confused? I told her I was going to steal her heart before she knew it was gone and she said.. If you planned to do that why did you ask me all these questions for the past 4 hours? I told her because I don't know how she feels and she keeps insisting that I do. She wants me to follow my instincts, and my instincts are telling me that she feels the same way, but she won't actually say that. I want to be with this woman. I love her, and I am in love with her. She's beautiful. And she knows all of this, but I'm unsure as to what exactly she's thinking.. I just know that she thinks all friendships are relationships.. And when I tell her I wants her she says she doesn't know what "want you" means.. And that we all need different relationships with different people to fulfill differnt needs.. That part makes sense to me, but I still think two people should be in a committed relationship and still be able to have other friends, but stay committed to that one person.

This is getting way too long of a post, so I'll leave it at that. I'm just confused, but I do believe that one day soon her and I will be an us. After writing this out, I feel a lot better and even may have answered a few of my own questions.

By the way I'm 19 and she's 48. I don't think age matters. In fact all of my friends are over 40. I've always felt connected to older women, ever since I was a child. That's another thing that make me worry.. Our age difference. Not for me, but for her. I'm not sure if she likes that. When we talked about it she said that me being with anyone, a man or woman who is 30 years older than me isn't in my best interest. I asked her why she cares about my best interest and she says "because I care about you and whats good for you, if I didn't I would take advantage of your obvious attraction"... So I feel like she has those maternal instincts.. Or that she thinks I'm confused and unsure as to what I want. I know I said I was going to end this, but I keep thinking of more things.. Such as, when we talked about this stuff she had mentioned that we need to be realistic and because of the age difference we need to have realistic boundaries as to how far things should go.

I'm really done now. Your advice, comments, suggestions, input, anything. Just tell me what you think! please and thank you.

 

I think she's just confused. She's probably had feelings for girls before but your the first one she's kind of acting on. And she probably feels guilty by the age difference. Not everyone approves of such a lengthy age difference and she might feel uncomfortable about it. She's telling you to trust your instincts so she's telling you she has feelings for you but might just be uncomfortable to come straight out and tell you. And as for her not understanding you when you say you want to be with her is bs. She knows what you want but is just trying to get around the fact that she might want you too. She's been on the "Straight Path" her whole life (probably) and a little curve on that path most likely scares and excites her at the same time so it's confusing her.

But I don't know her so I'm just guessing. lol I say just take it slow. Go at her pace because if you go too fast for her you'll miss any chance you might have had. Let her figure out what she really wants.

 

Thanks for responding to this & reading my lengthy post. All of that definitely make sense. I would even say that I agree. I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing and kind of put the ball in her court. We'll see. I just get very anxious! I want her and I want her now, lol. If she is feeling that way, confused and unsure then you're right.. I need to give her sometime before I ruin my chances. Thanks again!

 

I hope everything works out for you

 

Wow, I'm 10 years older than you, but the woman I want is also about the age of the woman you want. I prefer older women as well. Anyway, she obviously wants you based on what you've stated. She's telling you to trust your instincts about how she feels, and you already have her txting you the same way you txt her and spending enormous amounts of time with you in person and online/txting. Hours and hours apparently. She said every relationship is to fulfill a need, so obviously your guys' is fulfilling one of hers. And your relationship revolves around you chasing after her and doting over her. And you're probably teaching her a lot about attraction. She's lovin it or she wouldn't still be there. Right?

 

Over analyzing just light some candles open some wine and invite her over and see what happens!!!!

 

<--- That definitely makes sense. I guess I never really looked at it that way. She probably is learning a lot & I probably shouldn't be over thinking it. It'll happen eventually and for the time being I might as well enjoy life and getting to know her further. Right?

Smip, I wish it were that easy. I would love to do that. In fact, that reminds me of something she said. When I asked her what color her bedroom walls were she said she couldn't describe the color and that I'd have to check them out myself. I believe she was subtly saying that I'll be there sometime. Another plus.

Thanks everyone! You've been a lot of help!

 

I agree with smip. I hope it works out.

 

Yep, just jump on in. But, she IS a grown woman...all this "she is learning" etc is giving me a giggle (as another 48 y.o woman).

I'd be willing to bet its the age thing too. I know I would freak out if a 19 y.o came on to me...male OR female. (although I would be greatly flattered).

 

You don't think she is learning a lot about her developing attraction to women (or maybe just this one) in all of this? I was referring to that. This woman has lived her life as a straight woman her whole life, so I bet the op will play a big part in her future somehow. Either in person or in memory.

 

Yeah... She is learning. Like Lesbian_Bliss said, she's lived her life as a straight woman. This is new for her.. Of course she's learning. And I'm glad to teach her. I do agree though that age is playing huge role in this. If I was an older woman I would be concerned too. There are a lot of things for the both of us to think about, and I understand the fears she may have.

We're going out tomorrow though, so I'll be able to talk to her about some of these things. thanks!

 

Just put your hands on both sides of her face look deep into her eyes and give her a gentle kiss on the lips and see where it goes. Trust your instincts as she says. Good Luck.

 

Well I went out with her last night. We were at a coffee shop for 5 hours. We had some very nice conversations. Though we didn't talk a whole about "us". I invited her to my house sometime around new years for a little get together, as she's friends with my aunt. Before we left she says "it's a shame you haven't had a great experience with a man" and I said.. "it's a shame you haven't had a great experience with a woman".. She laughed and said she liked my quick wit. Shortly after we left she texted me saying thanks for a nice time and that I was funny and interesting. So I told her that I meant to add the word "yet" after the great experience statement, and said that she will have a great experience. And she replied with "as will you" so I said... "yeah.. With you" and said she would too. She asked me if I was drunk.. And I told her to just accept it.. Then said "you can't accept it because you're apprehensive about it" she told me to have another drink and that she was going to bed and we would talk soon. I know she was just being a smart ass.. And I'm not offended or upset about what she said, I'm just not sure what to do now. I want to text her, but I feel like a pain in the ass, lol. I could just wait for her to text me, but I can't stop thinking about her!

 

Can someone PLEASE delete this thread? Please.

 

I feel like its going to haunt me for the entire length of this relationship. :/ Too many personal details.

 

Actually, very sound advice.

My other advice is - age differences DO affect relationships. After the first glow of lust slips (and it does, and is replaced by love) you do have to share and communicate at different levels.
Something to be aware of.