Man: 'Evening, squire! Squire: (stiffly) Good evening. Man: Is, uh,...Is your wife a goer, eh? Know whatahmean, know whatahmean, nudge nudge, know whatahmean, say no more? Squire: I, uh, I beg your pardon? Man: Your, uh, your wife, does she go, eh, does she go, eh? Squire: (flustered) Well, she sometimes "goes", yes. Man: Aaaaaaaah bet she does, I bet she does, say no more, say no more, knowwhatahmean, nudge nudge? Squire: (confused) I'm afraid I don't quite follow you. Man: Follow me. Follow me. That's good, that's good! A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat! Squire: Are you, uh,...are you selling something? Man: SELLING! Very good, very good! Ay? Ay? Ay? (pause) Oooh! Ya wicked Ay! Wicked Ay! Oooh hooh! Say No MORE! Squire: Well, I, uh.... Man: Is, your uh, is your wife a sport, ay? Squire: Um, she likes sport, yes! Man: I bet she does, I bet she does! Squire: As a matter of fact she's very fond of cricket. Man: 'Oo isn't? Likes games, eh? Knew she would. Likes games, eh? She's been around a bit, been around? Squire: She has traveled, yes. She's from Scarsdale. (pause) Man: SAY NO MORE!! Man: Scarsdale, saynomore, saynomore, saynomore, squire! Squire: I wasn't going to! Man: Oh! Well, never mind. Dib dib? Is your uh, is your wife interested in....photography, ay? "Photographs, ay", he asked him knowingly? Squire: Photography? Man: Snap snap, grin grin, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more? Squire: Holiday snaps, eh? Man: They could be, they could be taken on holiday. Candid, you know, CANDID photography? Squire: No, no I'm afraid we don't have a camera. Man: Oh. (leeringly) Still, mooooooh, ay? Mwoohohohohoo, ay? Hohohohohoho, ay? Squire: Look... are you insinuating something? Man: Oh, no, no, no...yes. Squire: Well? Man: Well, you're a man of the world, squire. Squire: Yes... Man: I mean, you've been around a bit, you know, like, you've, uh.... You've "done it".... Squire: What do you mean? Man: Well, I mean like,....you've SLEPT, with a lady.... Squire: Yes.... Man: What's it like? :mickey:
Encyclopedia salesman: [rings doorbell] Burglar! [rings again] Encyclopedia salesman: Burglar! House wife: [opens door part way] Yes? Encyclopedia salesman: Burglar, madam. House wife: Whatchu want? Encyclopedia salesman: I want to come in and steal a few things, madam. House wife: Are you an encyclopedia salesman? Encyclopedia salesman: No madam, I'm a burglar, I burgle people. House wife: I think you're an encyclopedia salesman. Encyclopedia salesman: Oh I'm not. Open the door and let me in, please. House wife: If I let you in, you'll sell me encyclopedias... Encyclopedia salesman: I won't madam, I just want to come in and ransack the flat, honestly. House wife: Promise no encyclopedias? Encyclopedia salesman: None at all. House wife: Alright. [unchains the door] Encyclopedia salesman: [stepping in] Mind you, I don't know whether you've ever really considered the advantages of owning a really fine set of encyclopedias, ya know. It can do you a really wonder...
