Learn from my mistakes

Well guys. I just feel like throwing some shit out here, telling you guys a little story about the past six months or so of my life, hopefully to help myself vent a little bit. Maybe to get some advice, hopefully some words of reassurance and help...maybe =] You all can learn from this, as I have. Though, hopefully your not stupid enough to do as I did.

I'm 20 years old. Until recently, I was dating a girl named Michelle for about three years. We had a spectacular relationship. We made everyone around us jealous and we just radiated love and happiness all the time. We had two and a half spectacular years, but the past six months have just been an absolute bloodbath of emotions for us, or for me rather.

Six months ago, things started turning bad, for such a ridiculous reason too. Michelle was upsessed with talking on the phone. She would talk to this 60 year old man for about 2-4 hours a day. thats right, two to four fucking hours. EVERYDAY. I was living with her at the time, but I felt like I didn't even get to see her. By the time we were done with classes she was on her phone wasting her time and brain away with this guy. As you can imagine, this caused all sorts of problems with me because I just wanted to hang out with her. I would start arguments about it all the time and she would just push push push. It got to the point where, all I asked for for my birthday was for her to put her phone down for the day and spend time with me. That's all I wanted. I loved her attention. But she couldn't even give me that. I was shocked....

To speed things up a bit I have to leave out many many many minor details. The moral of the story, however, is that I did everything to hold us together because I loved her and I knew she loved me. She told me everyday. She still fantasized, (and still does) about how we would spend the rest of our lives together. But...I was not a happy boyfriend anymore, and she became unhappy with me because I was never happy with her. Sooo, she told me she was going to break up with me. She got a job in north carolina that she was going to go do over the summer. I still had to live with her for another month knowing that I was betrayed by her, that SHE was the one to break up with me, even though she was the one that ruined the relationship. That last month was hell. She wouldn't have sex with me, she wouldn't touch me. I was a fucking mess. I was the happiest person alive for most of my life and I never in a million years imagined the way she could make me feel. I didn't even care to be alive anymore. I almost decided to drive my car into a tree one day.

She would disappear for days on end and ignore me...All the while our time was ticking down. The whole time I was trying to end our relationship with dignity and respect. I understood that we have two realities and that she needed to go if she felt that. I understood that. But she gave me absolutely no respect. It was as if she was a totally new person. She changed on me overnight. She didn't come home the last night I got to spend with her, which I had planned to take her to her favorite restaurant to show her respect. But she didn't show up. Then she came by the apartment, packed up her stuff, told me she didn't want to see me the next day to say goodbye and she left. She promised me she would still talk to me because we both really valued our friendship.

She was the best friend I have ever had. Ever. But the day she left was the last time I talked to her. She ignored me for 50 days straight. Those were the longest 50 days of my life. I was a complete mess. To be betrayed by someone who you have shared so much love with, who was supposed to love you, who you have done nothing wrong to, is the hardest feeling in the world to cope with. I went to a commune for the summer to work on their farm. It was an amazing experience for me. I met an amazing girl there who I had a great time with. But one day, michelle called me and I picked up.

She was a mess. It finally had hit her about what she did. She was begging for forgiveness and to have me back. She promised me the world again...and after a month of consistent persuasion i came back to ohio to be with her for a month before I was leaving for the Bahamas for two months. It was an amazing month. She apologized multiple times a day for ever hurting me and we were like new again. It was perfect.

We stayed up all night before I left for the Bahamas. I was going there for school, for 2 months, to scuba dive, sail, windsurf, study ecology etc. (yeah, it was a blast) so we stayed up all night and righttttt before I left at like 5am...she revealed to me that one night during the past month, she had cheated on me with my friend. I was shocked. I was pissed. She seemed so sad to tell me. she had lied to me about it for a month. she was so upset when i left. i was very very sad to learn this.

What was even worse about this situation was that i was going to a very remote island in the bahamas where i could only get on a computer like once a week to chat with her, so it was going to be very very hard to ever get over this and move forward if that was the plan....Oh, and the guy she had cheated on me with was coming to the bahamas as well. so i had to live on a fucking island in the middle of the ocean with this guy for 9 fucking weeks. and after a week or so i had decided that i wanted to forgive her. she seemed so apologetic and i knew she loved me, so why not? she promised she would never ever ever do it in a million years and it was just some drunken mistake.

I'm such a fucking idiot. i am way too forgiving, i am way too trusting and i am way too nice. I was so excited to see her again after the nine weeks had gone by. I had used every chance I could to talk to her while I was there, and she had been messaging me as well. We talked all the time about how we were going to rebuild our relationship when im back and about how much we miss eachother etc. I was pretty much over the whole cheating thing.

So I come back to america. It was great. she picked me up at the airport and we spent the next five or so days with eachother non stop. And that brings us to about where I am now.

A few days ago she decided to reveal to me more information. The ENTIRE time I was gone, she was cheating on me again. She met a guy at her work the week I left and started fucking him right away. For two months straight. I am completely and utterly shocked at how fucking terrible of a person she is right now. She is completely begging, like crying mess begging for me to take her back. she would literally show up at my parents house with her wrists bleeding from her cutting them just begging me to give her another chance.

I want to give her another chance so badly, but I can't help but wonder what would happen the next time. I have come to realize that I can't put myself out there and risk getting hurt once again...let alone enduring the misery of being with knowing that she cheated on me soooooooo much. But that is such an incredibly painful task for me to do. I have never broken up with someone before. im a pushover, as you can see from the above writing. im too nice. im too forgiving. It is so hard for me to sit here by myself right now knowing that I could be with her. its so hard. but she has fucked up too much this time. this time it was not a mistake, it was not able to be blamed on anything. she did this intentionally, knowing she was risking not only our relationship, but my feelings, once again.

I feel like such a fool for even getting back together with her after she was so incredibly terrible to me during the break up and the month or so preceeding it. Here I am again, back at square one. I guess I'm a bit more prepared to face this one though. I was in the bahamas for 64 days without her, I was without her for 50 days before that...I can do this. I know I can. Now is the best time if ever to do this. It is so incredibly heartbreaking to think that the entire time I was looking forward to seeing her from 1000 miles away, she was seeing someone else. I should have never wished I wasn't in the bahamas when i was just to be with her. I feel like i wasted a lot of that time away just because i missed her...only to come home and find out that she has fucked me over again.

so, if you managed to read through all of this, i hope you can take something from it. sometimes it is worth it to forgive someone and move forward with your relationship, but that decision can also come back to haunt you. As I'm writing this I have had to ignore many text messages she has sent me begging for me to give her another chance.

Any advice, wisdom, jokes or whatever are welcome. I don't really know why I'm writing this on here...I guess it just feels good to know someone might read it, as I don't really have any friends I'm close enough with to tell this to. she was my best friend, and I'm pretty much just embarassed by how stupid i could have been.

thanks for reading.
I love all of you guys. everyone out there.
peace

 

She has really messed you around. You have to go with your heart. I could go on for some long drawn reasoning but the decision is yours to make. Good Luck my friend.

 

Strongs Bro , it not easy going through all that , been through two divorces myself so i know what you are going through .This sounds cliche but its true -it does get better trust me
peace

 

MOVE ON!!! You got a chance to go to the Bahamas , a lot of people don't have that option. She is very disrespectful and inconsiderate to your feelings. I believe she done this just because she know you will take her back. But you need to be the strong one, your a happy person, don't let no one take your happiness away from you.
Take a break from her and think over things.

 

That is quite the story man, it brought back quite a few old feelings in myself even. It definitely is a rough thing trying to make a relationship work, especially if it is one person who really wants it (she only says she does). I would really leave it where it is at man, history repeats itself. Just do what will make you happy in the long run. Forget about right now in this matter and whatever you do don't base any decision on anything she says or does. Do you for you brother. Much love and peace out.

 

exactly.

 

Thanks guys for the respect and advice =]
I've been feeling pretty positive about all of this today. As painful as it may be, there is a part of me that knows I will grow into a better person from all of this. I know that better things are coming my way.
Cold bike rides and copious amounts of ganja are also helping me get through this. hahah.
Thanks for reading my story =]
peace

 

Sometimes this is all you need man. :sunny:

 

There's only one thing I can say to this: be happy that you got rid of her. You cared about the idea of her, because obviously she is not the person you thought her to be. Stay strong. It is difficult now but it will get better. I wish you good luck.

 

I am sorry that things didn't work out.

We all make mistakes, especially when it comes to the people we love. There is no reason to be embarrassed by your choices. Had you not taken her back, perhaps you would be posting asking if you had made the right decision, with a bunch of "what ifs" instead. At least now you can walk away knowing that you tried, and that you gave it everything you had. Now, walk away. Don't engage in her guilt fest, or answer her calls. Focus on you, and do whatever it takes to move on with your life.

Good luck on your journey. I hope that you are able to move on, and move past your pain.

 

Sorry, but that story is waaay too one sided to be taken seriously.

And any replier that gives you a little pat on the back, oh there there dude and says things you want to hear, gets thanked for "respect"

And let me guess, any replier that says they smell bullshit is going to get labelled a troll?

You want respect?, how about a little honesty, I'm sure it wasnt only one way....especially if she got the the stage of cutting herself, assuming thats true. And this guy you are going to the bahamas with, I'm assuming he was a reasonably close friend, and your girlfriend got with him, usually (not always granted, but usually) theres one main reason for that, that she's having trouble with the boyfriend.

I'm sure you'd be able to come up with a few things where you fucked up, its never a one way street

 

Thats tough, but i do have to agree with some of what Vanilla Gorilla said. i mean, it truly is never JUST a one way street. im sure you messed up somewhere. but still, that girl seems like quite a heartbreaker.