Need a third party opinion.

Well, I've been dating this girl for 3 years and 4 months now and I'm at a loss. I'm currently 21 and I am actually thinking that I could spend the rest of my life with her and I know that she feels the same way. However, me being a rational person, after a fight we had last night, I decided to put all the pros. and cons. of being in a relationship with her down and see what happens. I was really disappointed with the results (maybe because I wrote down just the things that were at the tip of my tongue at the moment). I didn't bother writing all the sentimental things, just the things that make me feel good and bad. Nothing with all the flowers and the butterflies and all that bullshit. Here's what I got in 5 minutes.


Pros.
1. Most of the time looks really good and I can honestly show her in front of my friends and be proud.
2. Fills up the empty void in the heart.
3. Sex
4. Tends to comfort me (not sure if needed)
5. Makes me push myself and become a better man (might also happen without her under the right circumstances)
6. Walking downtown in the evening and having a cup of coffee.



Cons.
1. Tends to insult me (might be unwillingly).
2. Gets mad quite easily (PMS?)
3. I can’t seem to force myself to trust her (consequences of her actions a while back)
4. Tends to smile and laugh at my jealousy.
5. Sex isn’t as good as it could or should be.
6. If a guy tries to flirt with her, she will flirt back.
7. Tends to make me jealous for no apparent reason.

I will be working on this list for weeks and weeks until I finally get it into my head is she really the right woman, because I can't seem to trust my heart on this one mainly because of the trust issue that I have with her. Might be a fault on my end.. but..

I'd just like to know what you guys think. I might be the douche who's being incredibly horrible to her after all.

 

when you like somebody

you do so in spite of their faults

but if you love somebody - you do so

because of their strengths and their faults.

i believe.

 

But is that love worth the heartache? The main issue with her is trust. She did a few things that made me lose trust in her and she doesn't seem to care to get it back. I can't live with a person if I can't trust her.

 

personally - i feel if you love somebody

regardless of whatever issue you may have

you would do anything to be with them

and thus

overcome the issue.

the point of real love - after all

is the idea you cannot really function without that other person

maybe in light of what could be your downfall.

the heart wants what the heart wants

am i right?

 

the decision should be easy

if it's not then you have your answer :frown:

 

Might be one of the reasons why I feel that half of my soul was torn out when she went out to study in a different country for six months. I'm ignoring these issues, I want to be with her no matter what, but I know that I might get burned big time. That's why I think it's about damn time to confront and deal with these problems.

 

"it's better to have loved.. than to never have loved at all??"

i'm full of love today.

 

you haven't said a single thing about your relationship with her, so i have no comments. plus you seem to contradict yourself a little.

and you're 21, way too young to settle down permanently. my advice is, go and live a little, see life. then when you're in your late 20s or early 30s, that's when you can start thinking about who might be the right person to settle down with for good.

also a thought---if you're not 100% sure about her, then she's not the one. it is as simple as that. if she were the one to share the whole rest of your life with, you'd know it. you wouldn't have to come asking about her on these forums.

 

You might as well close this post because I think The Imaginary Being and Meridianwest have just about said it all....

 

my parents married when they were 18 and 21 respectively

and now they're pushing forty years together.

 

work out the cons or dump her bitch ass

 

Only YOU can make the decision that is best for YOU. We can sit here all day and give advice on the very few details you have told us but it honestly means nothing. Questioning things does not mean you aren't meant to be, but I do believe that trust is the foundation of ANY relationship. If you can't give her 100% then I really don't see how it could work. If you can get past that then you have a chance. Good luck!

 

if you cant trust her then fuck her.

 

I agree with the others opinions here.

However if you do decide to try married life with her, get a prenup just in case. Also hold off on kids because those complicate things.

 

So you want a ring round your finger, a title, and a public kiss. Ok, I get it. I guess that`s as real as anything else.

Oh, and that means you want to have sex with and kiss only her for the rest of your life and you want the same in return. And your idea of success is that she doesn`t kiss or has sex with anyone else for the rest of her life. And the ring, the title, and the public kiss are your way to agree to that.

Well, one can speculate. But, a scientific answer is impossible, IMO. Science is not about certainty, but probability. Divorce rates are about 44% among the most well-intentioned couples. That`s all science cares about. The rest is for the psychics...or the weatherman!
-----

I see marriage as the weatherman`s forecast! A blizzard is making an onrush over yo`town carried by 100mph winds. :biggrin:

 

I do have to say that the divorce rate being 44% today is lower than it was a decade ago. So I guess that's a good trend, but from what my research into why the divorce rate is down from 50% a decade ago, has to do with the next generation (being the kids of divorced parents) trying to to avoid the mistakes of their parents. Meaning they are going to relationship and communication classes BEFORE marriage.

This is almost another topic in of itself, but I wonder what everyone thinks about this trend. I think it's a good thing for those who want married life.

 

Definitely.

 

Ok first off this "Pro" bugs me....... what is she a trophy? Show her in front of your friends makes her sound like a show dog.


Now in saying that, if you love her all cons won't matter. Being in a relationship is about give and take. Trust me there are some things my husband does that annoys me, but I deal with it.

Why b/c the rest of the stuff out weighs those bad things.

and I think this says it best too regarding trust issues, sometimes you need to take a chance and......

 

---
While I agree that his choice of wording does give off the vibe of a trophy girl/wife, as a guy I'm wondering if a better translation of what he means is: 'I have a girl that gets along with my guy friends' and I think that's a fair statement, and from what my female friends have told me it's important that their gal pals approve of their guy as well. (although the importance of friend's approval does have a limitation placed on it)

On this topic I think friends matter to an extent, provided that you have GOOD friends that genuinely want you with someone that will treat you right and makes you happy. But if you have superficial friends that are worried about your image and say "he/she's not right for you" but your heart says otherwise then then friends don't matter in those situation. Ultimately your own heart decides this in my opinion.
(Context matters a lot in valuing a friend's opinion on anything in your life)


Personally, if I had a girlfriend, I wouldn't use her as bragging bait among my guy friends. The fact that she's with me is enough and will speak for itself. I'm not into making my friends jealous of my girl and I because I think that's grounds for trouble.

 

I just had to point it out as it seemed to be the first thing that was good about her. Not that she had a lovely smile type thing.

Maybe it was the way he worded it, and I haven't had morning coffee when I read it but just seemed really superficial to me.