Trip Report: 15 hits of LSD - Ego Death

Ill just start off by saying that this was by far the most powerful psychedelic experience of my life. I've taken similar amounts, but I had a lot of tolerance at the time so it was a waste. This time was something completely different.

I ate 15 sweet tarts with one drop of LSD solution on each one at 12:00 AM on Saturday the 10th. I had just dropped my girlfriend off at home, and ate the acid on the drive back, expecting it to take much longer than it did to kick in. That was a mistake, but it ended up being ok. By the time I got home, less than 20 minutes later, I was coming up fast. I thought I was having a lot of trouble parking but I had actually parked just fine.

I got back to my apartment and joined 5 good friends who were already tripping on about 12 mg each of some unknown 2c. If it weren't for these people, I would have gone through hell, but thanks to them I had an amazing experience.

As it started to come on harder and harder I became nauseous from the amount of sweet tarts I had eaten. I spent a few minutes in the bathroom completely swimming in psychedelia. I actually tried to make myself throw up at one point because I thought it would allow me to start enjoying myself. Fortunately, after only a few minutes the nausea subsided and I was able to start exploring my trip.

At this point it is very difficult to remember just what order everything happened in. I know that at some point I started to come to certain realizations that this experience had certain very important similarities to the first time I smoked dmt. In that experience, I smoked an entire .2 in one hit in a dry bong, and I coughed my lungs up. Needless to say, that was a bad experience. I remember having this feeling during that trip that I had been there before, and that I had told myself to never go back. This is the exact same feeling that I had during the peak of this trip, except this time I was able to understand it much more fully.

At some point, my friends and I began talking about anything and everything, and pretty much just trying to figure the world out. We used each other to bounce ideas off of and discover what was reality and what was pure psychedelia. This is where the incredible discoveries started to happen.

I'll just explain here something that had a great affect on everything. The friends I was with are all sorts of very talented artists. Several really good musicians, one incredible painter/drawer, and I pride myself on being a very good writer. The way that all of these things came together held a lot of meaning and ended up being an integral part of one of the important truths I took from this trip.

Early on in our discussion, one friend warned us all about something that he had read about, vicious infinite regress. We gave that little thought to begin with, but in the end every single topic that we discussed led directly back to this regression. This topic is extremely hard to understand. It has to do with a certain premise being based on something that is made impossible by the understanding or use of that premise. This is a very basic explanation, and it may not be completely correct. During the trip I had a much better understanding of it.

As it turned out, almost every topic of discussion can lead directly into vicious infinite regress. We talked a lot about space and time, and how they interact. About this we came to the ultimate conclusion that the way we see the world and the way it really is are entirely different. We concluded that time is simply a higher dimension, and that the reason we interpret it the way we do is that we live in the dimension directly under it. We concluded that there are an infinite number of dimensions above and below ours, and that each dimension is only understandable and tangible to the entity that exists in the dimensions closest to it.

This is where the ego death comes into play. Upon the realization that the world and reality operate under a somewhat irrational idea of infinite regress, certain other things that I previously viewed as reality came into question. At this point I honestly cannot remember most of the rationale behind the ideas that I came to, but I know that I thought them through very thoroughly and told myself to remember the conclusions no matter what because they are very important. I wish I could explain these better, but the best I can do is to list the things that I found to be inherent truths of the world.

All energy is finite. All matter, all action, all thought, and all consciousness is part of a finite amount of energy, and it is all connected. It follows from this, that all people and animals are part of the same consciousness. The conclusion that I took from this is that every person is simply another incarnation of the only person, myself. The following conclusion is that I am also god, but that god is the incarnation of myself that is able to use and understand all of the thought and knowledge and experience from every creature who ever has been or ever will be. God basically is the energy that makes up everything, and is thus able to see the world in every dimension and understand everything.

The next conclusion is that the purpose of our existence is the learning of everything for the whole consciousness that is god. This is where the fact that I was surrounded by talented artists comes in. I concluded that another purpose of existence is the development of the ability to do everything and make everything. I feel that every art is an important part of the whole consciousness and everything that had been created is simply building towards that consciousness.

I don't think I've really done these ideas justice, and I don't really know if I can, but I'll move on now to the comedown and assimilation back into reality. As the sun was coming up my friends and I became more and more frustrated by the fact that every topic of conversation led back to vicious infinite regress, and we decided to stop trying to figure everything out and watch woodstock. This movie was profound to say the least, and I couldn't help but think that every artist and every person who was part of this had come to all of these realizations that I had come to and this was simply a way of trying to tell the world about them.

Another thing I watched after most of my friends were asleep is the movie "stay." This movie is about vicious infinite regress and it helped me even further to understand the idea and develop it further. It also solidified the thought that these realizations I had come to were true because the same things had been realized and documented before and there were so many things that had been made to try to explain the ideas to the world. This also led to the belief that since I am everyone, I had made all of these things in other lives as a way of trying to explain these things to the world.

Eventually I organized my thoughts to the point that I was able to latch onto the most important conclusions I made and remember them, because most of the thoughts I had became extremely hard to remember very quickly. I knew that I needed to save the important conclusions and to know that they were true, even if I couldn't remember the reasoning behind them.

Another thing that I haven't mentioned is that I think I must have created all religions as a means of imparting some of these ideas to people throughout time in a way that people would actually follow, being that I am everyone of course so I must have created religion.

So I'll move on to returning to grips with reality. Around 14 hours after dropping, the trip had mostly ceased, but I was far from normal. My apartment was a complete wreck and my mind was in about the same state. I was completely unsure of how I would use this new found knowledge and how it would affect my life, but I was so tired of being so crazy that all I wanted was to go back to being normal. I realized that there were certain things that I would have to do before I would feel like my normal self again.

First was to clean the apartment which I did with the help of two friends, but it was really all me, because I am everyone. Next I had to shower, because I felt disgusting and it was one of the most refreshing showers I've ever taken. Then I had my friend drive me to the lake, so I could see the edge of the world, which is what the lake always symbolizes to me. After this I felt better, but I still had a long way to go.

There were three very important things that I had left to do. I had to sing, I had to see my love, and I had to cry. Not in that order. When I say sing, I mean with the utmost passion, and the only place I do that is alone in my car, so after an hour or so of what must have been sleep I decided that I had to go for a drive and pour my heart out. I got in the car and turned on some creedence and as soon as I began to sing everything started to feel more and more right. At some point during one of those songs I just began to cry uncontrollably. I released all of the emotion I had and I drove and I screamed out the songs and I cried my heart out.

I drove for maybe 20 minutes and then returned home, and I felt almost cured. An hour or two later my girlfriend got off work and I went and picked her up. There's a Hunter Thompson quote which had stuck in my head throughout the trip that has something to do with the mystic fallacy of the acid culture, that there was someone tending the light at the end of the tunnel. It turns out that she was tending the light at the end of my tunnel, and she was exactly what I needed to become me again, and to become completely happy again. After spending a few hours with her I felt completely at peace and I was finally able to sleep and recover.

The process of coming back to reality was deeply scary for me, and it led me to the ultimate conclusion that I don't want to or need to do any drugs every again, except smoke weed when the time comes that I'm able to. I don't ever want to have to deal with that feeling of being stuck away from myself. It was one of the scariest things I've ever experienced. I think that I've figured out everything that I can with this trip, and that anything else will only lead to more vicious infinite regression, and thus I don't want to take any more psychedelics, at least not for a very long time.

Thank you so much if you've put forth the time to read all of this. It really means a lot to me. If there's any particular topic that anyone wants to talk about I'd be happy to try and go into further detail. There's so much that I haven't included, so much that I can't remember, and so much that I've just neglected, but I think I've made the basic points I wanted to make. I hope that you all can benefit from the things I've learned like I have.

Again, thank you.

 

Very impressive dosage, well written TR. Sounds like some heavy contemplating and conversation was involved, I get the impression that this dosage level is sort of a balancing act of enlightenment and delusions of grandeur.

Do you feel that with your friends around that that positively affected the trip?

 

Hmm..this is a real interesting one man. What is it exactly that you learned though? You explain how you were ''taken apart'' and how you put yourself back together, but did you learn anything valuable, or were you just ''scared straight'' ?

 

not cool driving on 15 hits . . .

yeah this dose is crazy intense

You mention a lot of the ideas that you had but speak little of sensorial things, what was this like / what was 200mg of DMT in one hit like :dizzy2::alien:

 

One of the best tr's I've read.
I'm usually one of the first to slam DUI but, I can see how you didn't expect to even be close to coming on in 20 mins and at the point you went driving and singing later you sounded like in the safe range to me.
You brought many thoughts to mind. Have you ever seen the first Star Trek movie? The whole premise of V-GER was the same as your thought about collective consciousness. I could ramble on about what you shared, it probably wouldn't be all that valuable of a contribution though. I did read with interest your comments on infinite regression... I had long since forgotten that term but it's often been called 'thought loops' here. They can be quite frightening for some people, one facet of the "I thought I was loosing my mind" that people sometimes express. I'm not sure they are exactly the same thing but if not, they still can be insideous. If I understand it, a thought or insight comes to mind, which brings another supporting idea upon which the first is dependent, and then another, etc.
Is that the essence of what you were relating?
I think most logical thought occurs this way but there is something about it coming at you at light speed that makes it different.
I really enjoyed the ideas you took the time to try to put into words. It's difficult, why "ineffable" get's used to describe these experiences. Perhaps why I enjoyed it so much is because much of what you wrote are similar to things I've experienced, or, have come to believe to some extent.
Really good stuff man, I wish you well with the long term changes in perception and perspective that will be a part of you.

 

I can see how what I've written could come off as delusions of grandeur but I think it's actually the opposite of that. I first had to come to realize that everything that's happened in the world is part of some extremely important entity which I came to see as god, or the whole collective consciousness, and upon that realization I felt very small and insignificant. After that, however, I came to realize that I am a very small but still very important part of the collective because without me there would be no connection between what came before me and what comes after, and the collective consciousness would lack the experience which I've brought into the world. Basically I realized that I am very very small in comparison to what really is, but that I'm an integral part of it, and it couldn't exist without me. This may sound like a delusion of grandeur but the same applies for every person in exactly the same way, being that I am every person and every person is me.

I think that without these particular friends that I was with this trip would have turned very bad very quickly. I was completely overwhelmed for a long time and just being with them allowed me to maintain a grip of reality and gave me a way to express what was going on in my head. Otherwise I would've just been thinking everything at a mile a second and once I came to infinite regression I would've driven myself up a wall.

I learned a lot. The things I learned are all the conclusions I made, which I can't really remember the reasoning behind, only that there was an almost infallible reasoning behind them and hence I had to keep those conclusions and view them as fact. These include the facts that: I am everyone, I am god, the world is entirely different from the way we see it, there are an infinite number of dimensions, and every creature only views the world in the dimension it lives in and passes through the next highest dimension through the course of its life. Through all of this I've learned that the life we live is very important to the collective consciousness that I now see as god, and that living life is an extremely important thing to do, simply to add to the the whole consciousness. I was sort of scared into thinking that I should just devote myself to living for the purpose of adding to the greater consciousness, and that I don't particularly need to understand it any better than I do now. That's why I don't really want to do drugs anymore.

Driving after taking that was most definitely a mistake. I got lucky that I only had a short drive, because if I had been driving for another 5 minutes I would have been in serious danger. The next time I drove wasn't until 6 PM so I was fine then, although not really myself.

The reason I talk so much more about the ideas I had, and not the sensory aspect, is that everything other than the ultimate conclusions which I worked long and hard trying to retain, is very difficult to recall accurately. For one thing, the visuals were on a completely different level from anything else I've ever experienced except DMT. Very similar to DMT during the peak, but still more based in reality. I was so overwhelmed by the sheer extent of the psychedelia that I was experiencing that I couldn't even focus on one thing for any length of time in order to observe what was happening. That and the things that were going on in my mind were so outrageous that they required all of my attention to try to understand them.

I feel like, during the peak, as well as during my 200 mg DMT trip, I was able to see the world in a way that is much more similar to the way it really is. Time stops being a factor that exists, and you can sort of move through it like you're existing in a higher dimension. I came to the conclusion that this was the same thing that I had experienced in that DMT trip even though I could never remember the DMT trip from the moment it began to subside. I decided this because I had a feeling of intense similarity and talking to my friends about their DMT trips I began to remember things that I couldn't really place where I was remembering them from.

When I had the DMT trip, it was my first time, and I did it horribly wrong. I coughed hard with lungs completely full of smoke and that sent me into a massive amount of pain which greatly influenced the trip. Immediately upon returning to reality I decided that I hadn't broken through, and that I didn't want to do DMT again, but I think I was wrong about not breaking through. I think I just blocked the memory completely because it was horrifying. Looking back, if I really try to remember it, I think there are things that I experienced in that trip that are only possible in a breakthrough.

I don't know if any of this is the kind of sensory description your looking for, but I have a lot of trouble trying to recall anything of that kind. The best sensory description I can make is sort of how I felt during certain parts.

 

I've never seen that star trek movie, but the fact that it describes something similar to the things I came to in my trip only further solidifies the thought that these are truths, and that many people have come to them in their own ways throughout time. There really are a lot of works that are based entirely around these concepts. If you look up vicious infinite regress on wikipedia, there's a quote from Plato describing it perfectly. That just shows how far back this idea goes. The way you describe infinite regress is just about perfect, as far as I can tell. When we first started regressing infinitely in our discussions the idea and the practice of it was fun and interesting, but as we started to realize that everything would lead to that it became frustrating and then deeply scary. We eventually had to simply stop talking about anything that matters and just try to be normal again, which started the least enjoyable part of the experience for me.

I'm glad that you've all taken the time to read my report. I know it's very long, but it means a lot to me and I thank you all.

 

Great post man! 15 sounds wild! But yeah, higher doses hit FAST and HARD. Like it's subtle compared to the peak, but in like 20-30 minutes the world will be in color and breathing! Not a good idea to drive haha

But the thing is you made it safe. Tripping with painters and musicians (artists) just sounds incredible!! I really wish my band was into it so we could trip together, that'd be my dream. haha. This was a whacky adventure. And you're idea of time is correct, it's the dimension above us. We'd call it time travel from our perspective, it's a nonlinear look of time, as opposed to our linear perspective. But the theory goes that there is only 10 dimensions (11 if you include the 0th dimension)

Some whacky stuff! A high dose is a completely different experience, I can't even imagine 15 on no tolerance.. WOW! Great job again man

 

Another thing that I wanted to note, I thought you might like this black lotus, is that even though I didn't listen to it, the line from I am the walrus "i am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together" was playing over and over in my head. This is another thing that helped to solidify the thought that I am everyone and everyone is me. I think the beatles must have had a pretty good understanding of this concept. Other music that I've heard similar messages in are every performance at woodstock, rhcp, and a lot of Dylan songs.

 

^Oh yeah. Beatles are genius with there acid concepts. See, John and George did a LOT of acid. Paul not so much. And this was perfect. Paul was more stable, it worked for the bass. And Lennon with his lyrics and Harrison with his instruments make the songs so acid friendly.

I am the Walrus is a great example. That very line you mentioned was such a big part of my first trip. Even "sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come" brought me so much meaning. The Beatles had a lot of great concepts once they got into acid. I know Kedis was into drugs, sex, and rock and roll haha, but did he even ever do LSD?

 

^ I read Kiedis autobiography, he was into acid.

 

^I'm gonna assume that was around By the Way? Based off his life style. Veganism, and how he settled down a lot from his punk style.. do you know when?

 

^ When he was a teenager before he even joined the RHCP.

 

oh wow! Totally did not see that, interesting. I thought it would have been something he did later in his career.

 

I was sure that kiedis had done acid just by the lyrics of his songs. He had to have done it to know the things that he sings about. It's like he takes the thoughts that came out of my head while I was tripping and puts them into all of his music. Another thing which has a great deal of significance is that at 10 AM while I was tripping, RHCP tickets for the concert they're having here in a couple months went on sale, and a few hours later I got a text from my girlfriend saying that she'd gotten us tickets, and one of my friends girls had also gotten tickets for the two of them. This felt like some very important cosmic unity and order. I absolutely cannot wait for this concert.

 

That was one long post (nicely spaced) but also one of the better long posts out there.

I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed that-and thanks for sharing.

---
Side note sort of related to stopping the use of psychedelics:
I personally found after my last trip that...well...if I believe I'm a consciousness/spiritual being living a physical life and this could possibly be one of my "only" ones (or maybe we exp them all idk)-why should I spend it trying to explain that which I came from and inevitably will end up going? I loved expanding my mind but at this point I'm busting a Ken Kesey.

It just seems ridiculous to try to experience something "I" had left behind so I could experience this life. I say stop looking for the ultimate and just live in this crazinesswhile you can.

:hippy:
-Peace-

 

Respect :sunny::2thumbsup:

Take up meditation

 

This is pretty much the way I feel too. There's just so much going on in normal everyday life that you miss out on if you spend all your time trying to figure everything out.

 

RHCP and the album By the Way got me through a snowstorm on acid, I wish I could thank them personally.

 

great trip report man. i agree with a lot of what you said, though i still can't fully buy into the 'fact' that i am EVERYONE. have you read the short story "the egg"? read it if you haven't.

http://www.godlikeproductions.com/forum1/message1128202/pg1

i was already thinking of them, before you (i mean I) posted this:sunny:

i was thinking the same thing..again.
one that comes to mind - from the album one hot minute, the song one big mob. he says near the end "take care of me cuz i might be you!"

http://grooveshark.com/s/One+Big+Mob/48xDW9?src=5

i'm terribly jealous that you're going to see them. have you seen them before? if you're right about everything, i guess i can just revel in the fact that REALLY i am seeing them play, and i AM them, while they play.


another line: "every thing you ever see is never more than you and me. give it all in to the beauty of a mystery"

pretty much sums up exactly what you've said.

great report man. thanks for sharing.


maybe you guys have seen this, but it relates to the talk of dimensions.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkxieS-6WuA"]Imagining the Tenth Dimension part 1 of 2 - YouTube