Except for my nephew. I live with my mom, my sister who's 22, and her 2 1/2 year old son. I've given up going to school or getting a job in order to take care of my sister's child while she goes between being kind-of to full-on addicted to opiates and juggles a crappy job. The last month she's been paying me since she's been working. She's stolen 2 expensive digital cameras, a brand new ipod, so much jewelry I can't even account for, as well as two years of my life where I have been taking care of her son pretty much the majority of the time. My sister is incapable of acting thankful for anything, and my mother takes every chance she can to call me selfish and terrible in every way possible. Just today, I let her borrow my computer (pretty much my only outlet for entertainment) for as long as she wanted. I was spacing out barely watching whatever was on, and she comes in at the end of a show and screams at me for not reminding her that particular show was on and calls me selfish, telling me I only care about myself when I was just letting her use my stuff! It seems like every day either my mom has a problem with me, or my sister does. Even spending 99% of my time watching my nephew, she complains if I didn't take out the garbage and calls me a slob, and complains that I don't do anything around the house. When I want to go to Miami to spend time with my boyfriend, or when a friend calls me and wants to hang out, I have to work it around my sister's schedule, and when she feels like being home to watch her own child. When she's not working, she uses every excuse to not be at home. And if I have plans, and she finds something last minute to do, it's more important than anything I wanted to do and she gets to go, and I stay behind and watch the baby. My sister bullies my mom into pressuring me to just stay and do what she wants. I think that it should be the other way around, if I have plans, find a new sitter for the day. But it NEVER fucking works out that way. I feel like I'm not even being treated like a person with feelings or needs. I only exist to do my job here and that's it. Is it crazy that I feel like I should get some appreciation or leeway when as of right now and for the foreseeable future, my life is not mine to do with it what I like?
No it is not crazy at all, it honestly sounds like you are the glue that is holding it all together. Without you....... I can say I admire what you are doing for the lil guy tho. You are the best thing right now.:love:
It feels that way, but God forbid anyone ever tell me that to make me feel a little bit better about it. I love my nephew so much, and I don't want to take it out on him. This won't be something I have to deal with forever, but for the next few years it might be unless I put my foot down and leave. I don't want anything to happen to my nephew, but I can't talk to them about wanting to be treated better. My mom just calls me dramatic and reminds me that I don't do that much to be thanked for. My boyfriend has a job and is getting his own place soon, he wants me to move with him at some point but I feel like shit having gotten nothing accomplished with my life. I feel like he is so ahead of me and I can't catch up. The best thing I could do is start online classes, but I barely have time to do anything as it is. Most of the time I'm on this forum is with my nephew climbing on me, or after 11 at night when he finally goes to sleep.
These people are taking advantage of you because you let them.. Not your baby, not your problem. You are enabling her, so she dont have to help herself. If she was on skid row. She would figure out something. Either find the proper services to get off dope, find real work. Ect.. You babysitting is a real job, should be paid hourly wages. 5 to 10dollars an hour. If she cant pay that , then its time to call child and youth services on your sister so she can get the assistance she needs and you can move on with your life.. Its possible that you do not want to move on with your life. You are making excuses for yourself. What will happen to the kid if you dont care for him. Think this: your walking down the street "boom hit by car" you are dead. Whos caring for the child now? Don't make excuses for yourself or anyone else. Allowing them to steal your property and not reporting it to the police is enabling them... youre making them the junkies that they are.
I really hate saying it but maybe if you leave it might be a stark reality for them seeing how much they really did depend on you. He loves you and wants you to move in with him for who you are:love: haha like me but they are my rugrats. But I can understand how you feel, I am a stay a t home mum and tell you it can be a very thankless job, where you take a lot of shit. And yes it feels like days get wasted b/c you don't do anything etc etc. But look at your nephew at the end and know that you were there for him. And if you ever need an ear....... I'm always around.
Yeah, I admit that at the beginning, even the first year I was thrilled to take care of him and not have to deal with a job or school. I didn't want to move on with my life then, but I do now. I wish I could leave now, but the offer to live with my boyfriend and his grandmother is null and void as of now, because their apartment is crowded due to his own addict mother moving back in with them. It's a big reason why he's so important for my sanity. He's the only one who understands how I'm being treated. I don't know how I could deal with it if I did what you're suggesting. I think for starting something that big, if the baby was taken away or my sister went to jail, my mom would never forgive me and would alienate and/or kick me out. As badly as they treat me, I can't live with depending on someone else's family until I can get on my feet. However, it might be the only option if I want to get out of this situation. And Goofy, thanks for that. It's nice to have people to commiserate with
I was in a similar situation with my best friend at the time. We were both early 20's and she had a baby. We decided to get an apartment together. I worked a full time job and she worked part-time and went to beauty school. I had a lot of responsibility with the baby as far as dropping her off at daycare and putting her to bed every night. My BF worked as a waitress after school and wouldn't be home till nearly 2am even thought they closed at 11pm. Well eventually it got later and later until sometimes she wouldn't even be home by the time I got up for work the next day. I loved that child as my own and the hardest thing i had to do was tell her I couldn't keep her anymore. I was doing something with my life and enrolled in night and weekend classes. It forced her to take responsibility for herself. 10 years later she is a great mom and now I am a nurse.
Wow...That's great. I'm going to try to do what I can here, it's just hard when it's two (my mom and sister who magically get along great when I'm fighting with my mom) against one and I have no where to go.
You need to get out and get your own life. Don't let them make you feel guilty, it's them not you. Move in with your boyfriend,get yourself a job and start taking classes at a Community College.
you're getting shat on. get out of that crap situation and let them deal with the reality of them pushing you away.
Yea, if i was you i would make them understand your feelings. tell them this is how it is going to be for now on. If they cant respect your wishes and respect your feelings then it time for you to pack up and move on. We all have our own journeys in life. Your journey took you there. You have the choice to move out with your boyfriend and start another phase to your journey or to stay behind and see where this one takes you. Ether way there are many things you can do but at the same time i know you love your family deep down inside or you wouldn't do these things for them. To the stolen items you should approach your sister and tell her straight up pay you back right away, write a contract stating she will give you X amount of her paycheck to you for the missing items and X amount of her paycheck for the babysitting. IF she does not agree to that then call the police and they will handle it. believe me i have many friends that are addicted to dope and jail is the best way to kick it. i know it sounds really mean and really shitty thing for you to do to your blood but sometimes it is what is needed. She is going to a destructive path that will lead to death.( i lost a friend two days ago from a overdose of Dope and xanex.) so i know your pain but sometimes we have to watch out for ourselves first. i hope it works out
