Do men in their 30s lose interest in sex?

My guy is in his 30s, and I'm in my early 20s (9 years difference). We've been together going on 5 years now, and in the last few years our time spent in the bedroom is becoming less and less. He's the least kinky guy I've ever been with, so the sex is pretty basic... I'd like to spice it up a bit, but after so long, how do I suggest anything new?

Right now I guess my main concern is how do I get him in the bedroom at all?! In year #2 we went from having sex multiple times a week to once a week. That was fine... But in year #3 it became once a month. This year, there have been more than one occasion where I notice we only had sex once in a two month span. I am a female at my sexual peek. I can not stand this! I find myself sneaking "alone time" just to maintain my sanity. Its starting to get to the point where I want to fuck every guy I see. If I had my way, We'd be having sex every day or two.

Why isn't he sleeping with me? I've only gotten more physically attractive since we've been together (I've lost 40lb and gotten fit... And really bendy from yoga every day). All of his friends tell him he's lucky to be with me... But it's like the thought doesn't cross his mind to fuck me. I want a man to take charge in the bedroom, and I'm getting so sick of being shot down because he's tired, or wants to watch tv, or just got home from work and needs to wind down, or would rather get fucked up with his buddies.

Ive tried just being naked when he gets home from work, and it's becoming embarrassing when he doesn't even seem to notice. I know its not mechanical dificulties because when we do have sex it's amazing... Although... Because of how infrequently we have sex, its a short experience. What could be causing this? Too much soy (estrogen) in his vegan diet? Nicotine? Blow? Pot? Is he gay?

It's like he doesn't even think of sex... If I make a dirty joke I usually have to explain it to him. The only times he agrees to sex (I suggest it multiple times per day) is when there actually isn't enough time for it (like today... An hour before I had to be to work I dropped some hints, and he said "sure!", but obviously there was no time because he had a bunch of other more important things to do).

On the rare occasion he wants to do it, I often find myself turned off because he comes on to me by saying corny things like "feeling amourous?" or "feeling frisky?" and perhaps subconsciously I want to show him what it's like to be ignored. I also don't really like that he asks permission... Just be a man and start groping me until I get the picture!

Anyone know of supplements/herbs/foods I can give him to boost his sex drive? I am getting desperate. If I wasn't head over heels in love with him I'd have left by now.

Sorry for the length of this post. I appreciate any advice!

 

I had this problem a few years ago with a man I loved very much...I can't give you any answers because I still don't know what the problem was...I just know how much it hurt my self esteem and how long it took me to get over it.

 

Yeah it's doing a number on my self esteem. Thank you for your reply. It's good to know I'm not the only one who has gone through it. If you dont mind me asking, what happened with your guy?
It doesn't help that he has cheated in the past (at the very beginning of our relationship) so I can't help but be suspicious... But, I mean, he doesn't even look at porn, so... What the hell is up?

 

..I don't ask,I just take... I guess I'm an aggressive type. if I want some I get the ball rolling, it's rare that a person doesn't dig being turned on this way, Even if it was the farthest thing from the persons mind originally...I'm thinking in your case..go out flirt w/ some hot men and make it obvious to your man that his position is threatened, see how quickly his lazy pecker turns upright and points directly at you!! giving a lover some COMPETITION works every time! -shake um' up- to wake um' up-

 

Have you talked to him about this?

 

Alright, four things I notice in the original post:

1) You`be been together for 5 years. I`m not going to argue the point here because there will be a bunch of people who`ll come in and say they`ve been together for 40 and have pornographic sex every day. All I know is that fucking only one woman for 5 years couldn`t happen to me because I would die on the third; I don`t care if she`s a top model.

2) You seem really sure he`s not interested in sex because he`s not interested in having sex with you; I wouldn`t be if I were you. In spite of your self-congratulating about getting fit.

3) Which ties in with my 3rd point: I`m sorry, but you come across real naggy, which itself could be a turn off. He does not owe you sex, first of all. You can`t manipulate him with herbs, or lingerie or Kama Sutra or a youth fountain. Interest in having sex with you would have to come from him. And, it does make me wonder if you would be really interested in knowing the truth about him. Even if the truth means that he wants to fuck a woman who`s totally unlike you. Or, a man, for that matter.

4) Finally, you shoot him down when he asks you because he`s not manly enough. Well...maybe he thinks you`re not woman enough in bed because you`re too passive...Maybe he would be super manly with a girl who drops down to her knees and swallows all his cum as soon as he walks in the door, rather than walking around naked dropping passive-agressive "hints." Or, a girl who loves anal. Or, a girl who likes threesomes with other girls. Who knows what he reeeeally likes? I don`t...and, it appears you don`t either.

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It may be time to start taking responsibility for your own sex life rather than projecting that onto him. You`re not forced to be with him, you`re not forced to be monogamous. All of that is on you.

And, if you`re going to have sex with this person, then you might want to try to actually know what he thinks of you...even if that means he doesn`t think you`re as attractive as your friends and you think yourself to be.

But don`t be surprised if it`s too late. He may not want to share his fantasies with you anymore. The whole relationship might crumble as a result, anyway. So, I would prepare myself for that eventuality.

Good luck.

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Edit: Or, he`s simply asexual. Nothing wrong with that. He`s not interested in sex. It`s his prerogative, and you`re going to have to decide between the relationship and sex; and communicate that to him. Just a possibility...

 

at first i thought..classic case of a girl that thinks she is hot but isnt...so i peeked in your gallery...you are beautiful on a societal level so thats not it...i can tell you that i have never not tried to fuck any woman that took her clothes off in my presense....kinda makes me want to slap the dude...i'm sure its frustrating....i can only conclude that he doesnt feel about you like you feel about him and he is too chicken to leave you

there is one more possibility...check your hygeine...some girls dont realize what a reek is coming from there vagina

 

I've also just noticed you`re 22. So, you would have been 17 and he would have been 26 when you two met. Hmmm...

I`m just sort of anticipating the crowd who`s super sensitive about age and is going to come in and call him a sick rapist and a pedophile, as soon as they do the math.

Which, sounds like would be too severe a charge to leverage...but, maybe he likes teens. j/k

 

In his 30s and he does not make love anymore with you? Wow! I'm in my 40s and make love almost every day or every time I have a good chance.
Maybe he has someone else, has a sexual dysfuntion, depression or he does not like you anymore. However is going to be hard to get back on track. That's why lots of people look for someone else.

 

maybe he's sick of getting shot down every time every time he tries to have sex with you.

 

Are you keeping your self up to great sex standards? attractive body? good hygiene, shaving, smelling good? applying sex techniques? etc?

 

Maybe he likes you with the extra weigh and not now...maybe it is his diet...or maybe he's not into you and you need to move on....or maybe you should just TALK to him.

 

Very simple! Just ask him a question:
Why you do not want to have sex with me like you used to? I'm sure he has a couple of reasons.

 

Zephyr, This is the one:

Now that you are a bit older, almost mid twenties. If tomorrow you met a couple for the first time, never seen the guy before, he was 26 and had a 17 year old girlfriend. How would you react, you'd probably go along with the same act as all the other girls your age, oh thats sick, thats wrong, he's too much of a little boy to handle a girl his age....blah blah blah.

But what would you really think? Oh well, if he can pull a 17 old girlfriend, then I've got no chance to pull him as a future husband, the only thing I'm going to be able to use him for is sex.

I mean, are you really going to try tell us you are surprised 5 years down the track its not as hot and heavy as the first couple of months, well D'uh.

Does a guys libido drop after they get out of their teens? Of course, you already know this. Its one of the main reasons at 17 you would have been going out with a 26 year old in the first place, instead of a 17 yr old your age that that would have been bugging you all the time. But now you're frustrated he's not acting like a 17 yr old boy.

I'm afraid you probably where the bait all along.

At 17 you do look better to them, but in a certain way, its more about being pretty, cute, sweet, innocent...whereas when it comes to sex, if you go by Playboy and all the porn they watch its where you are now, mid 20s, bigger boobies, none of those silly inhibitions, no where near as scared about getting pregnant, nowhere near as much of a silly little girl in the bedroom, a lot more confident (at 17 you wouldnt have greeted him naked when he got home).

So think back to when you were 17, he was 26, what would that have REALLY looked like to girls around 26, or even 22 for that matter.

And its worse now he's 31, he's got a whole bunch of girls around him his age, who have been married a couple of years, who for the most part married a guy based on his job or bank account, regardless of whether that husband was always going to be a 2 minute wonder in the bedroom. I'm sure none of them are sexually frustrated, cant be true because they all say they are happily married and so 'love' their 'gorgeous' husband. And I'm sure none of them would try sleep with your guy, because if they tried of course they are going to tell you. And if they did they'd do it right in front of you. So becuase you never see it then it musnt exist.

Thoughts like that might get you jealous and angry. If he's the type of guy that is with you and running around chasing other girls thats one thing, but he doesnt sound like that.

Whereas if he's with you but he's got a whole bunch of hornier older woman throwing it at him.....basically because he is with you, then who is it you are actually getting played by? Him or Them?

No use getting angry at him if he's got a whole bunch girls older than you throwing it at him but he doesnt bite cos he doesnt give a shit, comes home greeted by the naked girlfriend who then pushes him away when he tries to touch her "Nup, Nup, you got to work for it" ....."Errk, whatever, crazy bitches, I wonder whats on TV"

Its still all about you, if you are doing that, "Nup, Nup he's got to want me" that attention is still more important to you than the sex itself

 

I will say mine slacked off for a while in my 30's but,,, it's back,,, :cheers2:

 

Mmmmmm well my hubbys did for a bit in his early thirties but now....
Its goods

 

^That's what i thought too... Guys absolutely hate being rejected when they want to have sex, and u should know what it feels like since that's what u're complaining about. Who cares that u only have minutes to have sex or that he says corny stuff beforehand, if u're sexually frustrated u should jump on the opportunity !

^ good points. It could really be anything, and u should ask him.

As for the original question (Do men in their 30s lose interest in sex?), the answer is no.

 

He doesn't notice that much... And I feel horribly guilty because I truly don't want any other man. Thanks for the advice!

 

I have, but it goes in one ear and out the other. Maybe it's time for a more frank discussion about it. Maybe I need to tell him what I like.

 

Telling your guy what you like is the first thing that should come out of your mouth. How could he know how to please you? Women, women, women! grrr it's like ordering a pizza by phone but not giving your address where you live or what topings you like on the pizza