husband neglects me for porn and masturbation.

I get it, guys are guys.. they look at porn sometimes and need to jerk off sometimes. I like to look at porn and do that too every once in a while. What I don't get is this- My husband went from the normal to the extreme. He looks at porn daily, jerks off 5 days a week while we have sex maybe once. I've tried sending him pictures, we did our own pornos (which sometimes he does look at), I told him that we should look at the porn together, I told him that I would jerk him off or give him head instead.. anything. He still continues to look at the porn.. he'll come home from work, go in the bathroom, and be in there for hours.. I check his phone and it's full of porn. He favorited a picture of some girl bent over, and that bothers me because I took a picture just like that and he probably never used it.. I'm very sexual, I'm 22 and he's 31.. I want sex all the time, I'll do ANYTHING for him. I get that lately i've been naggy because the porn has really started to bother me, esp. since we had a baby a year ago and I'm trying to lose the baby weight. I don't look like those porn sluts and I hope that he doesn't find me unattractive and goes to them instead. I need advice, how to get my husband back from the porn.. I'll do anything.. I just want our sex life back.

 

Find a physical activity (sport) you can both do together, just the two of you. No baby, no computer, no porn, no stress. Just some time you can spend together, have fun and reconnect. You'll feel better, more relaxed, less frustrated, happier and lose some weight along the way. Happy women are attractive. Don't nag, just take it easy. Then after a week or two of your new routine buy a new set of sexy underwear. Don't pressure for sex just make sure he sees you in it.
Don't beg for sex, turn his head around instead. You've done it once, you can do it again.

 

Maybe he has a fetish he hasn't told you about. Maybe he is scared to tell you about it. It could be controlling his attention. I did the same thing trying to figure out how to get her into what I was into. Looking all over the net for advice and info. Just a thought.

 

One thing you might try , watch the porn with him . Tell him you sould do togher what there doing in the video . desert rat

 

He does not have any motivation to desire you sexually. If you cannot wait to loose your extra pounds, find a well trusted male friend and have lots of fun. He should not do the porn in front of you! He should be discreet about it if he has to do it. There is nothing in the world like a hungry pussy, like I think you have. What a waste!

 

He might honestly have an addiction if it's that bad. Does he devote several hours a day to porn?

You honestly need to talk to him about it. Not nag. Sit down and talk. Plan out the points you want to bring up before hand. How the porn is affecting your relationship, your confidence, etc. Ask him to be honest with you, ask why he thinks he needs it, what's lacking to him with your love life, etc. Assure him that you want to try to work through this, but remain steady in that the situation has to change.

If he makes no effort to change, you might need to persuade him to talk to a professional. Porn addictions can get nasty, I've had a family member go through one and it lost him his wife and children and now he's miserable. One thing it shows if he doesn't change is that he's putting himself way above you, with no regard to your needs or feelings. That's a huge warning sign which may lead to many other issues your relationship may begin to have.

 

I don't think it's you. He may just have an addiction to porn. Try talking to him about it to get help.
Also, act like what he's doing does not bother you. From experience, I think that guys at first want what they can't have. So be nice, lose the weight, and get confident. Then he'll wonder why he always looks at porn all the time when he can just have you.
Good luck!

 

Porn addiction is a real problem and a real possibility.

As the others have said, nagging is the worst thing you can do. I know it's hard and I sympathise with your position completely, but try to refrain from pressuring or complaining.

Calmly let him know you are unhappy and would like to talk. Explain that you feel that his porn habit is becoming a problem for your relationship, but that he can trust you, you're open-minded, will understand etc.

Where to go from there will depend on his response. The best you can hope for is that he'll explain. I can't say how likely that is as I don't know you. He'll obviously feel awkward and embarrassed. If he doesn't disclose any info and continues all this sneaking around in toilets, I'd seriously consider the possibility that you aren't an ideal match or that he's not ready for a relationship rather than sitting there thinking it's your fault.

I like the exercising together suggestion, or trying any new activity. It's easy to slip into unhealthy routines and sometimes we need a shake up.

 

:2thumbsup:

 

And the sex will come from there...

 

only leaving him will have any effect....stop being so damn wimpy about it and put your foot down ...the dude would rather beat off to a video than touch his own wifes vagina?.


..its over...you gotta split

 

I agree, this sounds like he wants to isolate himself and find true paradise...

if that's a repeated behavior and as it sounds it is, and since nothing of the things that you tried helped perhaps you should try to distance yourself for a little while until you get his attention back to you and then take advantage of that to discuss the problem with a therapist- or a psychologist? because it really sounds like a pattern that he can not escape from...and that can ruin your marriage for no reason.

 

I really feel for you & can feel your frustration in your post. Some good advice is given here! If you've recently had a baby, it's important to spend time with each other away from your 4 walls. Its true that nagging is the worst thing you can do, however it's also important that you communicate your feelings with him. The park or beach has always been a fav of mine to sharing a walk & talk.

 

actually, that would be cutting off his penis.

nagging is easily in the top 10 though.

 

guy sounds pathetic to me. you should find a new husband. you can do better. you are young. there are men out there who will appreciate you lots more than this guy.

 

you need to talk to him right now and seek some resources on porn addiction. it can be a serious problem and it WILL ruin your marriage if you don't get a handle on it now. talk to a counselor about it or seek help on line dealing with it in the most responsible way...you're young enough to be "cool"with it but it sounds like he has a real serious problem and your are fed up. do whats right. get help.

 

My boyfriend is similar, but it's not just porn... it's porn plus literally dozens of sights, and figurines of naked girls in poses, he does nothing anymore but stay online all day/night... I did leave him but it's complicated.

Glad I didn't stay with him, I feel he would have gotten bored or left
anyways to hop back to online habits and junk.... cause I never got net at home here when he lived with us until recent... when he left i barely heard from him since he was "catching up" online.

I'm all for naked girls and porn, but i like the real thing............. computer
time isn't all the time ..... and it certainly isn't a first priority

so if he rushes home to do his online business first , then other "habits" then yes you know it's definitely over.

 

A marriage "contract" has specific obligations. Your husband is neglecting HIS side of that obligation, thereby, negating the contract making it null and void. Perhaps he would rather be paying you child support, live in cyberSpace and allow you the opportunity to find a trustworthy man.

Seems simple to me..........the marriage takes priority. That is why we have marriages.

 

give him an ultimatum, he can not justify masturbating if you are sexually unsatisfied, no room for bot if he can not handle you. its a live woman or his hand and porn but hes not man enough to handle both. Im sure there is nothing wrong with you, you are younger than him he should be thankful you aint sleeping around.