am I gay bi or straight? Even if I don't want a relationship?

Well I'm 14. I've dated guys. They always broke my heart. And they always were volatile. My last one, he was abusive. He had called me names beat me up called me names and once I was getting high and he and his friends took advantage of me and it's now embarrassing to see them and I go to school with tim who is his brother and they hang out in around the area etc... Like it's like my other relationships with guys just gets me to want to use more because I feel used like trash when they dump me. I also don't like gay sex at all. My body doesn't respond well to it. I like seeing guys aroused. And guys say I'm good at oral or hands jobs which I enjoy just not actual sex. I like hairy guys with big cocks and usually AA. Yet I don't want sex with even the type of guy I like. My gfs have all been good. I'm still friend with 2. And the other was my longest relationship. I never felt used or hurt with them. Everything seems perfect with girls. They're more appealing prettier better boobs and relationships with them seem easier. I have a wide variety of girls I like. I don't actually have a type but all my gfs have been Japanese Korean or Black/white. I like girls with great tans tan great hair great bodies nice personalities etc. My perfect gf I was completely attracted to both emotionally and sexually. I had sex with a girl which has lead to a lot of trouble. But in September I went all the way with a girl for the first time. And I was drunk but it was so not just like fun. Guys are fun. But it was such a passionate feeling. I never felt that way about a guy. And since then I've really developed like how I see I know I am attracted to girls and I know I want a gf. I know overall I could find a soulmate that is a girl. I don't know if I could with a guy. Like I'm attracted to them but it never works and my sexual attraction to them goes but so far without feeling odd. Like I don't like lying down with a guy. It feels odd. Like how can our bodies really be compatible? It all seems right with the right girl. Like I could see myself being with one until we grow old and everything like longterm in the future obiously. It seems practical for me. Guys just make my life shitty and sexually compromised. Also girls like me more. My only dillema with this is. Like I like older girls or guys. I look about 20 or 21 so I feel like I have to like older people but much of the time they don't like me. I dated my own age. I felt badly like I was getting bad looks like I wasa pervet college kid dating a 14 year old. But it's getting better as I get older I guess. Girls look more mature to me so it's a little better slightly. Also with guys sometimes they like me and I don't know what I want like I may like them but idk if that means I want to date. I just like them but it seems like it never works and I'm wasting time. Anyway do I seem straight bisexual or gay? Advice of any kind?

 

btw I was sexually abused when I was younger think maybe it's why I like doing oral the infatuation with a guy's package etc...

 

Hmmmm.

Firstly being abused when younger is a totally separate thing to being abused around the age you are now. Dont try and link the two together it is mere co-incidence

At 14 I doubt you do look 21, or it may be the case in every other respect, but they will be able to tell in the face you are not 21.

But it does mean you have matured a lot earlier than what is usual, which is probably in the end what its all about. They see you with a body of someone a little older, but still of an age where that can be taken advantage of.

If you use counsellors and the like, that may get a bit trippy as they will in pretty much every case default to that act that everyone else does that this kind of thing doesnt exist, regardless of how experienced they claim to be. Ends up looking like part of a giant conspiracy, thats not the case, its just that no one ever sees any evidence of it

Thats a hard part to deal with, when everybody suggests something like a counsellor, so you go off to speak to those who everybody says are the best people to help you, would know best, but then you go and they sit there with that sceptical look on their face. So basically that person that everyone says you should trust the most doesnt believe you.

But at least the good one with try get you to break it down and project all the negatives onto something else. In this case its just a roll of the dice, that you hit puberty pretty much before everyone else which then led to a bunch of people taking advantage of that.

Nothing really about gay, bi or straight, nothing really about you. Have a read up on things like precocious puberty. If you do use a counsellor, dont just rely on one - if for no other reason than to compare the differences. And just chill. Your story is not normal in the sense it doesnt happen to the vast majority, you are simply just going to have to work some of this out yourself, some people will try help you. But you'll find most dont have even half a clue

 

yea I actually look about that age I have precocious puberty. I'm 6'1" and started puberty at around 7 or 8. So yea the definition of precocious fits. I know I act like my actual age. I do counseling but I rarely talk about the relationships. I don't want like them to feel like they have to report it. And I fear my dad would find out abd that wouldn't be pleasant... I mean we're not close I don't want him to know that about me you know.

 

also what does the make me?

 

I remember you having post about your past life, and sexual abuse. I hope you did find closure for what had happen to you.

I think your just over thinking about the whole situation, you enjoy both a female and male company. There's nothing wrong with that. I think your bi curious for now. Stop thinking about where you fit in and just enjoy the time you having now. You have lots of time to figure things out. As long you are happy.

I live in NYC, there is a lot of younger folks who look older than they are.

 

my only last post was about a gay crush.. I am trying to find closure.

I think guys are cute and there re sexual feelings just not emotionally really.

 

I'm saying you are not going to really know until the brain catches up with the body. I dont mean that in a derogatory way, theres nothing wrong with your brain. Just that the body is an adult, but your still 14 inside your head, there are going to be too many people that will try to take advantage of that.

It sucks, confusing, you want to know now, but you have to chill first.

You say you dont want the counsellors to know everything, cos you dont want your dad to find out. Try and annonymous one, I'm sure there is some kind of kids help line where you are, one where you dont have to give your name, can even ring them from a phone booth away from home

 

first, if you use paragraphs 10x as many people will actually bother to read your post and you'll have much better odds of getting helpful advice.

i have no idea if you're male or female, so it's pretty much impossible to answer the question. sounds to me like you're a young kid who is going around fucking everybody you can find, no matter what their age, gender, or if you're at all attracted to them. calm down and start thinking about what you're doing before you do it and it will probably be pretty easy to determine who you are actually attracted to.

sure, that happens everywhere, but that's a really big difference at that age.

 

I do not really know what to make of your post either. It is difficult to tell what you want or what you are looking for, which I suppose is the question. You are 14, so at least in terms of the thread name I would not even worry. You are an emotional and clearly confused person, but at the same time I believe you are way too over involved in yourself.

Just like Vanilla Gorilla said, being abused when you are younger and abused now are separate things that you should not link together, no matter how unfortunate or similar they may seem. Not that anyone deserves to be abused ever, but sometimes I find people your age do no exactly make the best choices (I know I didn't when I was 14) and its clear from your post that you need to think a little better about the people you choose to be around, lifestyles you choose to live, ways you choose to act, relationships you choose to pursue. If you want a more fulfilling and emotionally satisfying relationship, then do not date the equally as emotionally confused 14 year old stonebags (boy or girl) that are the type of people who (strangely enough [or not strangely enough ]) abuse others and partake in self damaging behaviors.

More then anything else though. I would say that you are 14, and other then examining your own self destructive behaviors, do not worry about your sexual preferences just yet. Because this time of your life is the part where you are just starting to figure them out. You have a long road ahead, even if it does not seem like it at this point.

 

I'm a guy. And actually I was with m ex 9 mo. I didn't sleep around until the end of our relationship when I was drunk. He wanted me to and I said I didn't want to when I was sober. He kind of pressured me into it while I was intoxicated. And I only have been with 1 girl all the way. I've slowed it down since her really bad news with her. But yea on a regular basis while I'm single I'm not that loose.. Anyway the abuse isn't at all the same the past relationships were more emotional or physical abuse. I've never been raped. I also don't date or do anything with 14 year olds I haven't since I was like 12 when I first started dating.

I know I have to rethink the people I date it's hard to. I'm not the best of guys either.

what do you mean self-involved? I mainly wanted to know what I seemed like in this thread. Well reason I even asked was because my best friend I thought I kind of liked and he sort of likes me but I don't know what to make of it. I feel that way about other guys in my life. I just don't want to go through that again. So that's why I asked and what it was really based on.

 

and thanks gorilla I'll look into that.

 

I dont mean self involved in a negative personal sense, I mean it in a sense of you seem to involved in yourself for someone of your age, if that makes sense. You are trying to answer questions about yourself that people of your age simply do not usually have the emotional tools to answer. It is not a sign of maturity to be able to answer them, because in my opinion static answers about yourself are useless. Existentially, you are becoming, changing, and are asking questions you may never be able to answer. A better sign of maturity then answering these questions about yourself is to accept that you may never be able to answer them, and it is better to figure out the kind of person you want to be, work towards being that person, and let silly things like sexuality decide on its own. Just be an honest person, honest to others, honest to yourself more importantly, and be open to experience. For your record and so you know I am not just talking out of my ass and hopefully allowing you to relate more. I am a bisexual male, and have gone through a few experiences that you have described in a few of your posts in this thread.

 

I can't help but question though it's only how I think of it. Like especially when asked I don't know what to say. I guess it takes time....

 

why do you both say that?

edit: i was so shocked to hear you say this, that i started another thread to see what others thought...
you can find it here http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/showthread.php?p=7114038#post7114038

 

Let me be super blunt.

A 14 year old who is getting that high and having that much promisuous sex is going to have relationship problems over and above normal 14 year olds.

My advice, sober up!
(Sober-you is changing fast enough without you having to simultaneously learn to how to be drunken-you.)

 

those were only 2 incidents out of a year. I get high a lot more than twice a year. But I don't get high anymore it's been hard to give it up because of depression etc....

 

btw I have proof that I actually look older it's not just imaginary. Precocious puberty is actually real.