Girlfriend is psychologically traumatized and sex is not going well, please help

I've been with my gf for a year, I love her and she's amazing. In that year
we have had a lot of hurdles while getting to know eachother.

Early on she got some infections, they took 1-2 months each to get over.
They were within a month of eachother, it was because we didn't use
enough lube and she got cracked/scraped on the inside and got infected.

After this, and a UTI too, she has been psychologically different about sex.
She doesn't like sex unless she can take a shower soon after, because she
is afraid of another infection. She's worried about me slipping out and
hurting her (that happened once or twice). She's worried about a lot of
positions because she's afraid they'll stretch her too much.

On top of that, I am big and she's small, so a lot of from behind positions
don't work, it hits her bladder.

Another thing is that our sex drives don't match up, and she thinks she
can't satisfy me and feels terrible.

In addition, she has lost a close pet to her this year and that really
messed with her head and still does, months later.

From my perspective, I have trouble with all of this, and more:
-She doesn't really enjoy being fingered, or oral on her
-A lot of sex positions aren't enjoyable to her because of my size
-Her foreplay/passion/energy is on a lower level than mine

All of these things have contributed to us having really weird sex a lot
of the time. I can tell she's not into it and it really affects me. Sometimes
we both just give up and stop in the middle of it because we can both
tell we're bothered. I can tell she's just doing it to please me even though
she doesn't want to, because she wants to please me and she feels bad.

I've mentioned some of these things to her and it has made her feel
even more terrible. Now she overthinks a lot of this and it has added
another level of distraction for the both of us. Sometimes she gets really
tense because she thinks she'll get hurt by me because I'm too bad.

This feels like a downward spiral and it has really messed up our sex life.
It feels like this entire year, we have only had great sex a handful of times.
The rest of the time is messed up for one reason or another.

This makes me feel like such crap, and combined with her not enjoying oral, or from behind, or fingering, I feel like I can barely satisfy her. It
makes her feel like she doesn't satisfy ME!

It's a never ending downward spiral and I have never experienced any of
these problems with sex before, we're not even old yet!!!!

This is so frustrating, any advice would be appreciated.

 

First & foremost, if you genuinely love her, then this is just a pebble in your shoe. Perhaps a large, annoying pebble. If you are mentally stable enough to live without physical contact in a sexual manner, give her some space and talk to her about it. Conversation is always the most important factor in ANY relationship. It does work, you just have to choose your approach wisely. Just be careful not to offend her. I know this must be extremely frustrating for you. Try and be patient, put yourself in her shoes..

 

Injured because you didn't use enough lube for vaginal sex?

Red Flag

In my experience I can't enjoy sex if I'm not thoroughly Naturally Lubricated. Start now and enjoy it later doesn't work At All for me.

I don't like to be fingered or licked either, but at risk of sounding like a broken record because I've posted this countless times on HF, "outercourse" (stimulating the clit with the penis) works very well for me. You could give it a try.

Have a little patience and don't penetrate till she's dripping wet, whatever that requires.

 

Sex In The Shower Can Be Lots Of Fun...



Cheers Glen.

 

lol:2thumbsup:

 

First off, if there are things she doesn't enjoy, make sure you avoid them. Fear of you touching her in a way she hates will make things worse. There is no way for you to make it pleasant, only she can decide that, and trust is so important here.

Don't pressure her to be satisfied. A woman can enjoy sex without orgasming every time. We don't get blue balls. Let her ease into that.

If she wants to shower after, let her. Slippery and sweaty is only fun during sex, not after. To avoid UTIs, tell her to pee after sex.

 

Run.