Hello, I am new in this forum. I would like your opinion on few things, I know that this is not the right place perhaps to talk of such an intimate matter but some times (yes sometimes), discussions among strangers can be a lot more comfortable than talking with relatives or friends. To cut a long story short, I am in a steady relationship with a guy for two years, (next year we are calculating to get married if everything goes according to plan). The issue is that one week ago I returned home drunk (we live together one year now) from a club and he was furious with me. So furious that I had not seen him before because he was calling me all night and my mobile was out of battery. Anyway he was so pissed that even though I showed him my phone, he said that this was no excuse and that i should call him at least once to tell him that i would be late and bla..bla..bla..you get the picture... I shouted at him that this was no way to go with me and show me such distrust, he said he was worried. We continued arguing about it the next morning and until the afternoon and as we were shouting and arguing all over it, he just did that; he spanked me. He pulled me at his knees and he spanked me and he said that i would not get away with that attitude and such manners. I shouted and yelled and after some minutes that I felt like cracking he released me and i stopped yelling because I was exhausted. I was so tired all morning fighting all over and then i started crying and he hugged me and we make up and that felt so good and just so right. But thinking about it is so embarrassing ( I do not even dare to tell to my parents what he did, actually they like him and i am afraid that they wont like him anymore after that) and when we discuss he said that a few spanks now and then is not the end of the world and that I was unfair to him. In a sense I liked it, in another sense (what is considered to be political correct -if that's a term to be used here- I am embarrassed). What do you think?
spanking during sex is one thing, getting pissed and hitting your girlfriend is another thing altogether. it's a slippery slope from there to "tell everyone you ran into a door."
yes that's my dilemma also, I am feeling bad and good and i don't know... i think that his behavior was wrong, on the other hand i think that perhaps i drove him too far dragging the issue beyond his limits ...but what IF i marry him and he does that occasionally beyond the limits that i can take... that's so difficult...on the other hand i do not want to discuss the matter with anyone of our friends (for his protection and mine as well)... as an act i liked it...I am in total mess of contradicting feelings here and I am just looking out for different views on the subject, perhaps i am too young and inexperienced to judge, that's why i am asking.
yes, exactly. the fact that you liked it in a sexual sense does not mean that him hitting you isnt abuse. Dont get me wrong, i love things a little rough and it sounds like you do too. Its possible that your bf picked up on that desire(even before you did) and was pushing the sexual envelope a bit.... you definately need to have a talk with him about what his motives were when he did that to you....if it was a sexual thing then you two need to have a word that means "stop". a "safe" word for you. (we use my girlfriends daughters name....no way to mistake that) that cannot be misunderstood...then next time it happens and you dont want it to , you can stop it. If you say the word , and it doesnt stop,,,then you have something to be concerned with ....
Hey sweetie, first off how old are you? And secondly I dont necessarily agree with the slippery slope theory, there are alot of variables to consider in your situation. I have quite alot of experice being spanked sexually and in discipline and know alot of others in alot of varying relationships, so if you want to talk privately send me a message and we will delve a little. It could be a very good or a very bad thing or anything in between. It takes a bit more knowledge to formulate educated advice.
Thank you all for your responses, they trigged me to dicsuss the issue again with him in a calm and positive manner. I told him that I worried about his attitude and that his act was not nice; I also told him that this opens another topic that I consider crucial; what if he does that when we get married in the future and that ends in a daily routine that will kill us; how can I trust him? …(In other words we discussed that slippery slope theory that you suggested). The answers I got: 1. He did not do it because he was pissed with me – actually he said that he did it with full conscience of what he was doing…but he had no intention of really hurting me, in this case he said he would have preferred to leave the room or hurt himself; he claimed that I should have known him better in these two years in order to say that he would want me to get hurt. 2. He had no intention to sexual arouse me or anything of that sort (because I told him that if this was his target he could have asked about giving me an erotic spanking in a better timing), he wanted me to calm down and stop arguing over a subject that he had considered closed and he thought of giving this tactic a chance, knowing that I was too tensed and tired and that I would stop there. 3. He said that if that really bothered me he wont do that ever again, but I showed him otherwise at that moment and since I responded back to him, why I am still doing it a subject? I told him that its an issue we both need to be an accordance, he told me that at that time there was no way that I would have agreed on that. He also told me that it was just a spanking and that I should not make such a fuss about it, as it will not stigmatize our whole life. I agree when I think about it, the moment was a bit funny (from a 3rd person view), I do not know…too much confusion right now…I just told him to never do that again and he told me “okay”, and then we closed the subject. And still I am not happy with that because I do not know why, it seemed too less than I expected, I mean don’t laugh but I would have preferred him to have said that he actually wanted to tease me in an erotic way through that or something like that because the fact was that I liked the feeling afterwards and if I tell him that I like that then he will certainly think that I am perverted here. It looks that I am the mess here and not he, it also showed that I did not trust him and that worried him, what a “mess”. Anyway at least i did what i should do for a start and from there on i shall see... I am twenty one to twenty two and thanks for the time and the suggestion but i am not ready in going into a private discussion yet, as you understand i am very new in this forum...but i would welcome any ideas here..thank you again.
a spanking is something a parent might use to discipline a child. Unless he considers you a child? Are you in a "parent/ child" relationship with him?
how do you define a parent/child relationship? that's hard to answer. In general he does not treat me as a child when it comes in decision making about the house it is all mutual; most times i get my own; like vacations, trips, shopping, ect. What it does give to his nerves though and he can really start a quarrel its about issues that have to do with health, protection, safety, there he can break my nerves with advices, tips, instructions ect.
I understand hun, we are about the same age but it looks like I have been around the block many more times . I was just thinking that sometimes it is easier talk girl to girl than leaving everything where anyone can chime in, nothing sinister Looks like you are on the right track anyway, starting to talk it out with him.
so he hit you while drunk and it worries you and you are the mess? there's nothing wrong with not trusting a guy who hits you... you're not the mess
it did not happen that way, not that it changes that much but in order to be correct it did not. _______________ by the way how do you send pm or answer to messages at the wall? i can not find it, sorry for this but i do not see it.
I feel that so much of this depends upon context-in my relationship the ground rules are established-for certain behaviours I will be punished and sex usually follows-I feel that because these rules are negotiated beforehand-I am in no way being abused.
oh yeah i just re-read it ... anyway, i think he acted wrong by hitting you - i mean, like someone said before, you liked it in a sexual sense and thats ok, but he didnt spank you in a sexual sense.... so it was more like he was hitting you out of being mad and to send a PM, you have to be a 'member', but you're still a 'guest', a few more posts will do it
Ah I see about the pm and the visitor messages, so thanks about the answer that solved my question, okay who has saluted me there, I shall respond when i become a member, don think that i ignore you... m..yes, i would have preferred if he had given me at least that excuse (that he meant it sexually, too bad and i could have made it easier for him), you see he complicated things for me and i do not know how to react... anyway for the time being i just dropped it behind me and we shall see, the problem is that i would like that in bed but then how is he going to perceive that? perhaps i should talk to him more, i do not know:dizzy2:...
i guess that's fine... dont worry too much about it.. he said he woudlnt do it again, so if he doesnt, its ok if you want spanking in bed , my guess is you should talk to him about it, approach him subtly... unless you tell him to spank you in bed, he'll probably never find out that you want it by himself
no way he is that clever as to suspect such a thing on his own...lol i hope he won't read this, haha, i am joking but practically yes after condemning his act as something that traumatized my trust and our relationship, there is no way that he can guess the continuation... such minor things make think that women are far more complex than men are, altogether, anyway i shall try to talk to him (and hopefully he understands the right think and not that i want him to spank every time that i start a fight haha, imagine that..I am joking).
