The first open relationship I had was a "don`t-ask-don`t tell" one. It worked ok, though I suspect it was mostly because it was short-lived (I moved away from the college town I was in), and because my partner was somewhat submissive. Then, I began moving in the opposite direction, into "tell-all" territory. First, with a fuck-buddy, but not something I would call a relationship. And, finally, with a friend of 7 years who became my girlfriend overnight. I believe that was an interesting experience, though it caused her a bit of pain. I had sex with at least two other women while we were together, and I remember her describing feeling "physically sick" every time I told her I was going to spend time with another woman. Nowadays, I`m fully single, but were I to engage in a relationship again, I think I would take a middle-of-the-road approach to communication. I think communicating every instance of casual sex indulged in your own time would be too much for me. I would keep the casual stuff private, and communicate only when either I or my partner felt ourselves getting emotionally involved with someone else. What is the model in your relationship? What open relationship model do you think works best for you and why?
just depends what kind of relationship your wanting to have ...... It sounds like your looking for just a "fuck buddy" /"friend with benefits" kinda thing because i dont believe that it could be much more than that, if its not completely open and honest. we dont have an open relationship.... but .... i guess i have a hard time imagining me asking my girl what she did this afternoon, and having her respond with "it's none of your business , now I'm going to take a shower".. Now having said all that, ..I think if i WERE to try an open relationship i would probably want a same room swap kinda thing or maybe what ive heard called a soft swap, where only certain things are allowed. And there would probably be 100 pages of "rules" as to whats acceptable and what isnt...lol
That sounds more like swinging. That would not be an open relationship, as I see it. --------- I`m not much on keeping tabs on what my partners did in the afternoon, so I`m good. The question I would ask is, how have you been? And, if they thought there was something they did that includes me, then they could say...hey, I went jogging at the park. Wanna go tomorrow? Or, they could simply say, Fine, glad to see ya. The sort of question you describe is very much a monogamous question. It`s just a different way of relating. ------------- And, no. I do see a marked difference between a fuck buddy, and an open relationship. I have a fuck buddy now, but we do not have a relationship outside of the bedroom. For my experiences with open relationships, read the first post. And, yes, they did 'work' for me.
well you know what you need, seems as though its just a matter of finding the right partner you. best of luck to you...
my wife and I have been in an open relationship for a year, she has a reguar boyfriend she sees, another bi-guy which began as a three. I am open to seek a regular fuck-buddy, at which so far I have failed, or to seek affairs. But we both love each other and regard ourselves as primary and are open about events, but not necessarily the detail as you say. But there are so many different arangements between couples - MOMs mixed orientated marriages - and any form of open relationship is bound to be an evolving thing, open to discussion between the primaries and change. I'm on a learning curve........... anyone else? Simon:sunny:
So, if there`s casual contact, is the agreement that you "tell" about it as well, or is it just for regular relationships? Here`s a vid about agreements in open relationships that I`d like to share: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mapvBWlUnA&context=C37af2deADOEgsToPDskJxqC29cbInV8ulhUyHWak8"]Julie & Joe: Less Agreements is More - YouTube And, this vid here which just melts my heart; especially, when he says, "Maybe she will get swept away...But (...) I`ll be ok." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpGvLpMKCJM&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL"]Non-Monogamy Provides More Trust - YouTube
hi Cherea, casual contact - well it's not exactly that we have a specific agreement on this except that we have agreed to be honest with each other and so I'll naturally tell her; I have just spent last night with a new guy - we are living in different countries at the moment and I will definitely tell her next time we talk on the phone. I know also that she was with her bf last night. The video clips are interesting - I know what he means when he says that he trusts his partner more now that they are open; I think that once you change your marriage/relationship in this way you not only become closer but you trust each other more: you have made a sort of new committment or contract together by becoming open. And then of course nobody owns their partner - she has her sexual needs/desires, ovulates every month and I am currently not available to her to satisfy her needs so I don't expect her to become celebate until I return. She also says that it is better for her to have a regular bf - and in this case I know him - than to be 'available' and open to any preying guy. In this respect then maybe we are not properly open. I have casual affairs but would much prefer for both emotional and safe helath reasons to have a regular fuck-buddy but it is difficult, partly being on the move and partly because most bi-guys are not out to their partner and thus liasing secretly. I have her acceptance to go also with another woman but so far this has not happened; it might, but really I do not feel the need to look for a woman - my wife satisfies me completely as a female and it is the m2m thing that she canot give me. Feel free to PM me if you wish - I'm interested to know a little more of your own situation, Simon:sunny:
I really need to understand how ones gets there…to a point that you don't feel jealous (always a big issue in my life that I have been working on with huge progress) We have started to swing and all the worries I had…just didn't happen and I found it very liberating. Not sure if I could do the "open" relationship, but I really respect those that can, it says a lot about your character and allowing a partner to experience life honestly and not try to "own" them….I know that swinging has been very beneficial for me in so many ways healing my emotional insecurities. Thanks for your posts they are very encouraging…any advice would be appreciated...
well Sazzielazzie - we just tell our own experiences - advice is another thing! My wife found that a 3sum with another guy and myself really turned her on (to her surprise) - she loved seeing m2m sex. But then a little while ago we paid a visit to our local swingers club since they started a bi-night, but she did not find this experience very good. I think many women do not have the emotional detachment that a lot of men have and need to have/develop feelings for a sex partner before having sex with them. So, and I think you are female (?), you are maybe more liberated :2thumbsup: though I'm not sure how that heals emotional insecurities. As to Jealousy - well it doesn't completely go away - but there are different levels of it and as Tristan Taormino says in her book Opening Up - "the best way to conquer your fears is to shine a light on them and talk about them." Her book and Love Unlimited by Leonie Linssen & Stephan Wik might be good reading for you. Good luck, Simon :sunny:
Despite being sometimes very vocal in favor of polyamory, I think polyamory and monogamy can coexist and flow into each other. A relationship may start monogamous, and that can be very beneficial for latter periods when the primary partners involved may decide to bring others into their lives. Likewise, polyamorous relationships to my way of thinking, may "flow" into monogamous periods because your needs are fully met by one partner at that time. So, I think you 'arrive there' by simply doing what it is that you want, and by having a positive motivation to do what you want. I described my first open relationship in my first post. What I did not say was that I was never with anyone else during that period. So, in fact monogamy coexisted with the consent that we could pursue other partners. But, I also felt free to be monogamous if I so desired. And that turned out to be my choice. Here`s another resource I found on youtube that I think might add to the discussion. Thanks for your input! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGOpUQOK-u0&feature=related"]1 of 2 PolyTalkShow "Jealousy" - YouTube
I do not define my relationships as exterior processes. Openness does not refer to what occurs 'out there'. Nothing out there is responsible for my inner condition although I am happy to share and happy to have something to reflect on, company.
