I've been diagnosed with it. I'm in therapy. I refuse treatment. I've been admitted to the psyche ward and crisis unit of two different hospitals. I have been and still am suicidal. It's not that I'm gay or got dumped or got raped that I'm depressed. I'm lonely. I was mentally bullied my entire life. I was never physically forced to do anything. Even being raped, it was mentally forced upon me. He wouldn't let me leave or do anything until I agreed to it. I'm not gay because I was raped. My problems aren't as bad as other people's problems. And yet I don't want to be here. I'm afraid of death which is why I'm still here. I don't know why but I'm a compulsive liar. I lie to make it seem like I'm ok. I even lie to my therapist. I don't do it on purpose. I can't help it. I put on an act for everyone because I don't like people knowing somethings wrong. I want people to know somethings wrong. I'm not doing this for attention. Like I said I was diagnosed for depression. I don't sleep well. I don't eat enough. I get sick often. I'm neither anorexic nor bulimic. I don't have the motivation to get out of bed when I do wake up. I'm going to college in 3 days. I've waited 2 1/2 years to finally go to college. I don't want to go. But I have to. I actually have a plan for my future. I expect my plan to fall through and never happen. I'm 20 years old and have been struggling with the same feelings since I was 10. I don't know how to fix myself since I can't even say any of this out loud.
i'll pray for you. that your soul gets free from its past and that it thrives on its future. i believe in you.
College could be really good for you as long as you keep yourself open and have the will to meet others. You might meet someone male or female young or old, that turns into a great friend and you wont even need to share any of your bad feelings/thoughts, it wont be needed and you might have the chance to leave it all behind you and start a freash slate. You must believe in yourself that you can overcome all that is evil and crush the wicked ways from under your feet. You must believe in yourself. In the end you are all you got so you must have faith in yourself to overcome all obstacles. You are in a tunnel right now and it is dark but with all darkness their is equal light. You must believe that you will find it. I personally have lived alone for many years, ive had times when i had no friends. I was drinking my thoughts away. I was smoking my thoughts away. When i was younger I cut myself on my left arm for a few months because i didnt know how else to speak. I lived in the loft of a barn that was fucking freezing with no running water, or a bathroom for the winter with suicidal thoughts. I was arrested for helping out a friend from being bullied at a party. My family back home was dying from cancer. Through all of this i always believed that the good would come, that i would find it. Slowly i have, because i have water in my house now, it warmer here. I have more friends. You must believe in yourself and you must keep your willpower strong. You dont want people to know something is wrong? Then don't tell them. If you need someone to talk to, and you want to go get those feeligns out of your head, go sit down next to a homeless person and have a conversation with him. He wont care and if anything youll walk away happier. Each day the sun rises bringing a new sunshine to let all of life grow. So work on each day one at a time. Dont dwell on the past, remember each day the sun rises bringing new warmth. Keep in touch with hipforums, their are a lot of people who are kind and care for others. Good luck.
Thank you for sharing your story with me. I don't mean for this to sound bad, but it made me realize my problems aren't as big as other people's. I'm glad to hear you made it though all that.
Today is a new day. The past is the past. It doesn't define who you are today. You need to find a passion. Something that makes you glad you're alive. My advice to everyone is try yoga.
Your problems might be greater than mine or someone elses. It doesnt matter as everyone in life has personal fights they are dealing with. How we deal with them is what makes us stronger. Some people give up, some people use others to cut the corners, but the strongest walk the storm on their own two feet with their eyes fixed on the prize at all times.
Also, our thoughts have a lot to do with how things turn out. Think positively and you'll be surprise at the difference. When you feel old thought-patterns creeping in, repeat to yourself: I am worthy, I am capable, I deserve the best. (Or something more personal)
I found out that depressed people feel better in a healthy environment with sun, wind, clean water and food, good and interesting things to do and around good people.
^ true! I am unmedicated (pharmaceutically), but I self-medicate with vitamin D in the winter. I pop it like candy. Vitamin B12 (and other B's) help with stress a lot too.
I also suffer from depression among other things and self medicate with cannabis, not that I advise it, but it works for me.
Get help. Don't overthink things. Get help. Your mind's probably playing backwards tricks on you. Normal life for the rest of the "more mentally healthy" population is difficult too, so don't fall into this "I'm not completely happy so I will always be depressed" mentality. If you think therapy may help you stand on your own two feet, don't run away from it and try it for a month. Good luck too
Every day is better than the next one. I don't know if I have depression. Maybe I'm just such a pesimist. Having better and worse moments. I'm happy when I do what I want. Why wouldn't you try to find some hobby or something? Is there anything that you like to do and keeps you away from thinking about all that shit?
