Sex and relationship advice? should i look elsewhere?

I've been with my partner 6 years, we've been very happy together other than our sex life.

Basically we've never had intercourse, when we try she tenses up and it causes her incredible pain. Her libido has always been low too, so we don't try that often. She's been to a sexual health clinic, having numerous appointments but this has been little help.

As a result i'm still a virgin and i feel as though i'm reaching my sexual peak and i've already missed out on lots! For the last 2-3 years i have considered cheating, just seeing other people for sex...my love for my partner always stops me though. Everything in the relationship is great apart from this, so i'm trapped.

Can i get some advice please?

Thanks alot!

 

try to solve your problem... though i dont seem to get exactly what it is... explain it better?

if the problem cant be solved and you cant stand a relationship like this, dont cheat bro, end it and go find someone else...

 

Intercourse isn't the only way to have great sex, but your partner does sound very frigid.

There are plenty of other things that can be done in the bedroom and plenty more places for "it" to go (her mouth for one lol)..

Most importantly have you tried talking to her about it. She must understand you are sexually frustrated.

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Thanks for the replies guys. Yeah she sure understands my frustrations, its the only thing we argue about and is a strain on the relationship. We have always had good foreplay, thats never been a problem any sort of penetration is the issue.

Funktastic, my problem is my sexual frustration i feel as though i have missed out on sleeping around and having experiences with other people, I don't know if i would feel this way if our sex life was normal.

 

You guys need to sort this out some way or another. Maybe agree to be in an open relationship or explore other types of penetration. Maybe even try getting to the root of why your girl dislikes it so much... was she raped when she was younger???

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Maybe your dick is enormous and she can't handle it.

 

I totally agree with this. What you described is the classic reaction of people who were molested/raped. The biggest question here is whether she is prepared to work on this. That means: -accepting that something is wrong, talking about her fears/past experiences, accepting them and learn to understand that sex with you is not something bad or scary and trying again.

If she wants to give sex another try, make sure she's on top. Perhaps do it in a sitting position. If it helps let her tie your hands and ask her beforehand which words you can use during sex. It might not be your dream first time but still a step forward.
Does she enjoy oral and fingering or is that also a problem?

If she's not prepared to overcome her fear/aversion than you are wasting your time. Sex is a part of a normal adult relationship and there's nothing selfish in wanting it, especially with the person you care about. I would advise against affairs outside your relationship. Make sure you break up with her first before finding someone else.

Best of luck, Lively

 

im not the onewho encourages cheating. It is human nature to get what we need, to satisfy our needs, we get hungry we eatm we are thirsty we quench our thirst, but what happens when we are sexually unsatisfied? honey we are only human, you gotta ask your self, are you willing to live a sexless life an be partially happy" are you willing to give what you have now for sex? its not fair to have your cake and eat it too, but it is a possibility, in mexico we say "what the eyes dont see, your heartcant feel" basically what she don't know wont hurt her, ultimately the choice is yours to make.

 

that's an approach and under these circumstances I would understand it...

What about your partner? I understand that she has her personal problems but does she accept the notion that if she wants to keep you all for herself under these conditions that's selfish of her?

because you also have the need to experience the whole, its in your nature, we are humans, not gods, we lean to our body's needs and our instincts. Perhaps you have not been challenged yet but one day you might find yourself in the dilemma of getting what you miss from another woman, and that can even be the beginning of the end for your current relationship.

So you need to talk to her about it at the open (and also your urge to go with other woman as well) because that's the truth, either you fight everything together (because you are a couple and since her problems are your problems then your problems as well are her problems) or you don't need to fight anything at all. At least that's my opinion.

 

First of all, you're never trapped. Or rather you're only trapped by your feelings if you let them trap you. If she has been to sexual health clinics and they have ruled out any physiological reasons for the problems, it would be a good idea to look for a relationship counselor who specializes in sexual issues. If the problems are not due to some past psychological trauma then it may be time as much as it may pain you to completely re-examine the relationship itself.

Is the relationship really as good as you are indicating it is? Because if there's no other real cause for this problem then oftentimes a lack of physical intimacy is a symptom of deeper problems. You don't mention whether you're getting sexual satisfaction in other ways besides intercourse. If there's no kind of physical/sexual intimacy happening at all you're not really in an adult relationship. It's ultimately up to you, but 6 years is a very long time to go without being sexual with your girlfriend. However if you've been together for 6 years starting at age 14 that's a different situation, I'm assuming you're both adults.

The fact that you feel trapped however indicates to me that it may not be that you are deeply in love with her but more that you're afraid of what would happen in your life without her. My old psychologist always used to tell me "it's better to have bad breath than no breath at all," meaning sometimes people hold on to things that aren't really working because it's easier than having to start all over again.