Why won't men commit? Should we talk about commitment, or remain silent?

Why won't men commit? It's like dragging a child from a toy shop!

My best friend and I are both in very new relationships and both of us want to know, are they going anywhere.

In the past she and I have had very different communication strategies.

Before sex she'd be plying for information: “what do you want? Do you want me, cause I love you! Then prove to me you want me!”

Me, I say nothing. Never let a man know how you feel. Neither strategy works it seems!

So recently I relented and told my lover: "I’m a little besotted by you."

Finally I got his response: “OK. Thanks for that.” ....SLAP!!

Should women keep their mouths shut, will this mean a man slowly slides into our lives or should we share our feelings, and forcefully demand to know theirs - and of course will they commit?

 

Of course you should be open about how you feel. Maybe it's wise not to talk about marriage on the first date, but you're in a relationship with this man.. You can't force him to commit, and if you are not satisfied with the way he wants the relationship, walk away. But it seems like you don't even know where he stands, and that is totally reasonable to talk about. He's not a mindreader either, maybe he would like to know if you want more from him. Don't be pushy but be honest.

 

Jesus Christ, men commit all the time. The majority of them are serious doormats. I`m actually surprised at the extent of how many men want to marry.

Why? I certainly couldn`t tell you. I guess there are advantages. Regular pussy, safety, emotional support, etc.

The majority of men seem to be commiters, in spite of putting up a front for the other guys like they wanna fuck every hoe on the block. If you were to get `em Scarlett Johansson and you to have a threesome with them, they would run scared and buy you the ring. They`d be so intimidated, they`d fear they were gay. :biggrin:

Trust me, it`s all a front.

Edit: I think regardless of your strategy, men who want to commit will commit. Men who don`t, won`t. Like, as for me, I don`t care what strategy you adopt, I don`t care how hot you are, I don`t care how amazing you might be as a person, you would be unsuccessful. I`m just poly. Period. At least for now, but I suspect forever.

Edit2: Orrrrr, they don`t think you`re hot enough to commit. Doesn`t mean they wouldn`t commit to a chick a notch above your league.

 

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i'd be a lot more likely to commit to someone who doesn't use "strategies" to try and trick me into it.

 

Reason many men won't commit?
1)ridiculous divorce laws.
I agree with some radical feminists that marriage often looks like a form of "prostitution"
ie payment for "services".

2)the fact that u can get married and the goalposts are moved.
ie u could marry a nice, hot, slim, likeable person
and within 6months they're fat, badtempered, devious and look like utter shit.

I wouldn't order a Bentley and allow it to turn into a Proton in 6months.
Why should we do the same with someone we ( supposedly) choose to share our lives with?

 

I knew I was always a radical feminist at heart. :love:

 

Strategy?

Sounds more like applying pressure. Many people don't respond too well to that.

 

Manipulating is not the way to get your man to open up. Ever. Start a discussion without putting so much pressure on him. If you've been together for a few months, you have a right to know what he's thinking in terms of the future so just ask.

I do hate touchy guys though that shut down every time commitment is brought up. But if you are with a guy like that then just move on, don't waste time on people that aren't on the same page.

 

Being honest and having open discussions are best. I wil say that there is something to be said about timing though. One question to ask yourself is: are they already commited you and you dont realize it?

But overall men do commit, but sometimes labeling it is too much in 'young' relationships. If this is the case give it some time to develop.

 

I'd be pissed if I found out the girl I was dating had a "strategy"

 

Unless it was a strategy to get me naked.

 

everyone has some kind of strategy, or maybe a vision is a better word. I wouldn't call it a strategy to get a guy, this is a strategy for her own life. a girl knows that she wants to get married and have kids in a few years, then she is looking for a guy who has a similar interest. while they are dating she is "verifying" if the guy can potentially be this man. the guy is doing the same, no? he is "verifying" if this is the one and then decide whether to commit further or not. decision to commit requires two people, not just a guy. and if it's taking too long to decide, than maybe they should not be together or their initial strategies for their own lives are different.

 

Committed to and cheated on
Committed to and cheated on
Committed to and Married - Cheated on and Divorced
Committed to and then let go
Guess it's "just me then" ?

 

wow that is so fucking annoying.

a) I don't understand why this "burden of proof" is on the Man. Why doesn't the woman have to do something as well? He's faithful to you, as much as you are to him. That's an even relationship. Now, meanwhile you (your friend) acts like a spoiled brat who speaks in code, while I guess he has to go out and buy some sentimental gift, take 15% of his paycheck towards a 401k in your name, just to prove he's your bitch.

b) WHAT, do you want? Isn't a monogamous relationship commitment? If you don't even communicate what it is you want, how can he make you happy?

And last, stop being an insecure "woman." If you have a great relationship and he falls in loves with you, and wants to propose to you in the future, he will.

If you don't have that relationship, pressuring him, annoying him, bottling up uncommunicated feelings then taking it out on him 'cuz he can't "mind read" ya is only going to make things worse.

My 3 cents

 

I really fucking hate all of this sexist relationship talk that goes on here. Is everyone seriously so fucking deluded that they think all guys/girls must be like the ones they've been with? I'm constantly reading shit on here about why do all girls/guys (insert some shitty thing). It's bullshit, there's plenty of fucking good guys and there's plenty of good girls. Just because you've had some bad experiences you shouldn't condemn the whole lot. That kind of mentality is extremely sexist on either side. If I sound pissed it's just because I was just forced out of a relationship that I was very committed to. It makes me seriously fucking angry to hear people talk like this. If you have a problem with a person,or with multiple people, you have a problem with a person, or multiple people, not a fucking gender. I guarantee that for every group of men that has a certain tendency there is a group of women who have the same tendency. There are shitty people and there are nice people, it doesn't make any fucking difference whatsoever if a person is a man or a woman. Seriously, get the fuck over yourself with this shit.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmPMMitJDYg"]Meat Loaf - Paradise by the Dashboard Light - YouTube

 

yeah, all guys don't insert some shitty thing. some really don't care for anal.

 

This topic usually is conversation after there is a problem. A guy in a minefield is not likely to start dancing.

 

I'v been married 30 years , I still have trouble communicating . Many times if I try to say one thing , my wife hears something else and over reacts .
If you can make a guy feel comfortable with you excepting his answer and his privacy would be protected , then he may comment more .