when to tell a straight date of your gay past

I am a bi man in my mid 30s. 3 years ago I ended a 7 relationship I had with a man. He was my first boyfriend.

Now I feel that every woman I try to get in a relationship with runs for the hills because of my sexuality, as they probably think I can't be trusted.

I had a date recently which went fantastically well, but not wanting to scare her, when she asked about my previous experiences I asked whether we could discuss this later. She became very suspicious, and at the end of the date told me i was weird.

I feel i can't win and I don't want to lie. This is driving me mad.

 

I once dated a bi guy who was quite open about it. I have to admit I did feel a bit funny about it at first, but after a while it didn't bother me. I suppose it would depend more on the guy than anything else as to if I was ok with it. On the bright side, he gave me some great tips on what guys like

 

Girls are horribly perceptive. You may have to fess up if asked like that. If things go smooth, I'd tell them upon the 2nd or 3rd at the latest date, when you decide things have become serious enough with said specific person.

 

There is no universal rule for this.

I have never questioned the past of my boyfriends over the time. Their lives did not begin with me. My life did not begin with them either. Sure, everyone has his/her past. I see myself as being eminently unfit to judge anyone's past behavior, and use that judgement to qualify or disqualify them from being my boyfriend.

Being interested in your bf is fine. Wanting to know something about his past is fine, too. Pushing too far and asking too many questions followed by judgments definitely ain't!

KD

 

I'm always afraid of this but then I just say two myself "I deserve someone who loves me not someone I pretend to be"

 

Thanks for the answers, @dark suger, I agree with what you say but one has to tolerate people who are not aware of what bisexuality is and are therefore scared or one could miss out.

 

If I ever go with girls again, I will tell them that I like it in the butt, when I'm giving them one in the butt ! :2thumbsup: Seems only fair. haha

 

My past is my business. So BUTT off! :biggrin:

Edit: str8 chicks are always going to find a reason to be prudish, boring and insensitive so. I recommend bi chicks.

 

Yeah I agree but u shouldn't be afraid to tell em about it

 

get tested for aids ...I know its not a gay only problem but thats probably what she's gonna worry about first when you tell her so get tested just so you can say that youve been checked when she asks





thats all I got

 

After Experienceing This 2 Years Ago, My Advice Would Be

Shut Up About Your Past Wether It Was Gay, Bi, Or Straight.

I'll Try And Keep This As Short As Possible...............

When I Was In My Late Teens-Early Twenties A Guy And

I Had An Intense Affair That Lasted Five Years.

Fast Foward To Three Years Ago And He Tells Me He Told

His Wife And Daughter About Us.

All Was Cool Till She Discovered He Was Having An

Affair And Had Made Plans To Leave Her And Move In

With His New Girlfriend.

So What Did She Do, She Made Up An A4 Email Listing All The

Things She Thought His New Squeeze Should Know

About Him,And Emailed It To Her, I Guess You Would

Call It A "Dirtfile"....

He Sent Me A Copy, And Said His New Squeeze *now

his wife* Had Banned Him From Any Communication

With Me, Even A Passing Wave In The Street....

I Don't Know How To Say This Without Causing Some

Offence, But I Think Any Man That Tells A Woman

Things From His Past That Should Be "LEFT IN THE PAST"

Is A BLOODY FOOL, Given Time, It Will Be Used Against You

For Sure, It May Only Be In A Heated Argument, But It

Could Also Be Used In Divorce Proceedings, And In The

Example I Gave Above.

Guys, Just Keep Ya Big Mouths Shut....



Cheers Glen.

 

He was with u his wife and his ex wife? At the same time?

 

NO, Read It Again Ms Suger, We Had The Affair When We

Were TEEN'S, This Incident Happened ** Years Down

The Track....



Cheers Glen.

 

U said ur late teens I had no idea how old he was

 

So he was with you then with his wife then he cheated on his wife with a lady?

 

Our Affair Was 45 Years Ago, And His Past Still Came

Back To Bite Him On The Ass, Which Is Exactly What I

Am Going To Do To You If This Post Fails To Penetrate Your

Thick Skull.....*le sigh*....:banghead:



Cheers Glen.

 

For what it's worth.. I got your post .. lol

 

Yeah.

My now-fiance told me about his bi-ish past on our 2nd date. Our first date lasted 9 hrs, so I think we both knew we were into each other and it would get serious soon. He told me later that he had decided to tell me at that point, because he knew he wanted to be with me, so he might as well be open and honest, because if I had a problem with it he didn't want it to go any farther and lead ourselves on.

I was totally fine with it, felt no jealousy, and I never bring it up when we fight...Why would I? He's more loyal than your average straight guy. Granted, I also watch gay porn from time to time, and while I'm straight, I don't have a problem fantasizing about different orientations.

I'll admit, there was a time in my life when I didn't think I could date a bi guy, because then I'd feel weird with him being around other girls AND other guys...But the reality is, with my fiance, everything is different. (Nearly) every rule I had made up in my mind about relationships kind of went out the window. That's what love does. So when he told me, I thought about it, and then just thought..."Ok." No big deal. My point is, tell them early on, but maybe not have it be the first thing you blurt out when you meet. If she really likes you, it won't matter. Basically what I'm saying is...there are girls out there who won't be bothered by it.

Really, I think my hesitations about bi guys came from my previous exposure to bi guys, who just seemed like they were bi because they didn't want to turn down sex from another person for any reason...i.e they were really slutty. But obviously my fiance was never like that. He actually had only made out with a guy, and had never officially dated/had sex with one, but I don't really think it would've made a difference if he had. I care more that he has an amazing heart and values emotional connections over meaningless sex. (But I always tell him kinda jokingly that we should have a MMF three-way...he says he doesn't share. )

 

I had no idea u were so um mature glen how um mature are u

 

He's 149 in Glen years. That's 87 in human years.