Want my bf to MAN UP (yeah, gender roles are stupid)

It's good that you understand that this isn't entirely rational. So you want to know where it's coming from? I would guess that, subcobsciously, you want him to dote on you to give you constant reassurance that he is committed to you and only you.

I too have felt irrational jealousy, neediness etc. I suppose considering that many mating strategies rely on having multiple partners, it makes sense that some women (and some men) have developed excess possessiveness as a reaction to the threat of their partner wandering in order to impregnate other women (or having another man's child). What better way for you to become convinced that he's there to stay than him investing as much time as possible in you and your car, your hula hoop, or whatever the hell?

Unfortunately for you none of this actually belongs in your relationship. These drives bear no relation to what is actually going on. By the sounds of it, your boyfriend is perfectly happy with you, and you trust him. So drop it.

 

you just objectively want your ass kissed

what you're saying here is that you want your bf to do chivalrous things for you, but you don't want to do anything for him in return.

why not tell him that you want him to do these things for you, and in return you'll do something traditionally feminine for him, like make breakfast for him.

traditional gender roles have been given a bad rap. many people are happiest with traditional gender roles, yet feminists have been waging war against them, trying to force people into genderless roles against their will.

you could also just tell him that you want him to do these things for you, and that you will do nothing in return. if you just want to be selfish and think you can get away with it with him, why not just admit that? why try to pose the problem as a deficientcy of manhood on his part?

some men are suckers. maybe you've got a sucker on your hands, and you can get away with getting everything you want and give little or nothing in return. why not?

also, some guys will put up with a lot of crap if they like the sex enough, so it could be that your bf could be persuaded to do these things for you again under the threat of withholding booty.

you could also try to live a gender neutral role, which is clearly not making you happy

 

I'm not sure what I detest more: someone who bitches about incredibly petty garbage or someone who says "haha I was just joking" when told that their bitching is completely irrational and psycho. Either way stand up for yourself. WTF. Backpedaling is so fucking gross as are spineless jellyfish, ugh.

 

Ahhhh this thread was a good read.

 

Chivalry applies to both men and women. It is dead, and we have killed it - to misquote Nietzsche.

 

I was raised in the south where chivalry dies a little slower. I was taught that a gentleman opens the door for a female, amongst other polite gestures. Not.because he wants to get laid or because he's kissing ass, but because its a nice thing to do. And it is a nice thing to do.

 

I was raised to be polite to everyone because it's the nice thing to do. I wasn't raised to expect special treatment or that anyone should expect it from me - to treat all people the same; with respect and regardless of sex.

What aggravates certain people about this thread is the expectation that men should treat women extra nice - and nothing is said about respect in return. That is the crux here, not some archaic mentality that harkens back to when men thought women weren't capable of taking care of themselves. Since we all now recognize that we are equals, than we should be treated as such. If someone won't hold the door open for anyone, he's not extra asshole for not doing so for a woman - he's just an asshole. If he holds the door open for everyone, then he's a decent man. The same goes for women. This is why today, chivalry is and should be dead when it applies to only men. It now applies to both sexes.

 

I tend to agree society has gotten awfully rude towards each other.

I forget but there was something the other day I was teaching my oldest boy something like holding the door open for people. He asked why I told him simply it's just a nice thing to do sometimes.


As a women yes it's nice when a man does this but sometimes chivalry has a place and a time like diners dates etc. but with my man all the time nah I can carry my own stuff

 

Yes

Plus I think the topic was initiated with the expectation of supportive responses only. SCG reacted either as though the critical responses were not anticipated or in a manner suggesting that she's not all that accustomed to dealing with much criticism. Perhaps both.

If the people close to her do not offer constructive criticism or her parents spared direction and discipline then she was done a huge disservice. Odds are that life in general has some much harsher punches in store for her than anything she's dealt with in this discussion with a bunch of internet strangers. She's perhaps revealed a little more about herself here than she'd have liked to.

Taken in the right spirit, some of the replies here could help her strengthen her relationship... if by no other means than to get her to communicate to her guy some of the things that she'd like- and maybe get her to think about things that she could do to get him to appreciate her more.

If she simply complains on an internet discussion forum she stands to get all manner of negative response but if she opened lines of communication with the right person she wouldn't have anything to bitch about here.

 

Every once in a great while a young person (around high school age) will do or say something very politely and it will leave me speechless... it's so rare- even from older folks around here. Sad that manners are so uncommon.

 

I hope thats the one thing I can teach in him.

This one time I was on my way home with the kids. There was a lady standing on the corner and she was crying. People were walking by ignoring her. I stopped with the kids and helped her. She had downs syndrome, apparently her carer left her there to walk home and it was kinda far. Anyways only after I stopped did others help too. I explained to him why I stopped when we got home. I hope the small things like that he will keep.

 

that was nice

 

If there's something wrong with that I think there's a bigger issue.

 

Thank you voice of reason:2thumbsup:

 

Yeah.

 

I never said "haha just joking". I said "Wow you guys have no sense of humor" because the things I said- i.e: "why didn't he put on his lumberjack uniform yadda yadda" were totally tongue in cheek and exaggerated to get the point across in a light hearted way. The way a stand up comedian might talk. I'm not a spineless jellyfish but I am a flexibly minded person who can adjust their perspective quickly and easily. I think this is one of my best traits and this natural empathy has definitely gotten me far with people, believe it or not. Not in a frivolous forum post on the internet, but in real life confrontations and arguments I'm easily able to see my opponents point of view. I can see yours now, completely even. Which makes this all very interesting. The human ability to change our minds is what separates us from donkeys. Its what makes us evolve. Being able to say "Oops, I fucked up, lemme rectify that" is an extremely honorable thing.

Maybe you should widen your perspective before you judge me. Right and wrong are all relative to where you're trying to go. I realized that holding these thoughts- yes they are only thoughts- wasn't serving me for where I want to go- a healthy, happy balanced relationship. So I dropped them easily. I realize now that I should never have posted this because it was taken far more seriously than I intended it to be taken. But I was bored, wasting time, procrastinating on the internet and I wanted to get other people's views on something that was on my mind and pestering me.

I'm over the whole thing now. What I posted this topic about doesn't even bother or concern me anymore at all so I just deleted it. I worked it out in my mind with some help from some harsh cognitive therapy from posters on this forum.

You wouldn't think of a forum post as an opportunity for self growth but the reactions I got on here actually made me think a lot about how I handle criticism. Some battles are worth fighting and it became so clear to me that this one wasn't. I wasn't going to defend an irrational point of view. I mean, I guess you never had an emotion before, or something that couldn't be explained with logic, so I doubt you could relate.

I will defend myself now because you're just being way too rigid and should take the stick out of your butt.

 

This along with your decision to edit out early posts--- for what reason we're all free to speculate- has convinced me that you're not someone to be reasoned with. Additionally, since the first post was edited out there's no point to this discussion being open so I'm closing it.