I keep accidentally "acting single" - Advice thread

As long as you are doing what you (and your boy) feel is right, then there is nothing to feel guilty about. You can't control how others react to you after all.

 

THIS IS WHAT GUYS LIKE. i don't know why girls think painting their face, wearing uncomfortable-looking clothes, fucking up their hair, and acting uptight is attractive. it's really not.

 

Fer real doh, it is the mark of high maintenance in a lady.

 

Ok, now that you put it in context, I`d like to adjust my opinion slightly.

Things I didn`t know:

a) you`re meeting these guys out when listening to music, presumably a common interest, etc. I would differentiate that from simply going to a bar looking for "conversation";

b) I would like to give you kudos for refusing drinks, not flirting, dressing casually, clearly communicating you aren`t romantically interested, and being genuinely sensitive about not stringing guys along;

c) you`re meeting an approximately even amount of boys and girls?

Ok, if those conditions are met, then I think I`d be ok with it were I in your boyfriend`s position. And, I would diagnose it as maybe being a little ditzy or naive?

Coupled with the fact that some dudes are just pathetically needy, pasty, weird, passive-aggressive, clingy, naggy, creepy, doormats with no pride.

-------
I thought it was more of a situation of the girl who actively seeks the attention of the opposite sex, but only for "friendship." And, I`m like, dude...if there was no sexual element to speak of, you`d be perfectly happy to have 100% female friends.

 

Why talk to them? Why let them play the pity fuck card if you can actually step back and make the above analysis post facto? Do you feel you have to save them? Do you feel guilty for not being their collective mistress?

Let them be unsuccessful with girls. I`m sure they are better at naming bands than the guy who was absolutely born to fuck chicks and every cell within his body cries out the same destiny. To each their own.

That would be my advice.

 

^Surprisingly deep Cherea. I'd +rep+ you but I already blew my load.

I guess I should generally avoid guys that seem like they never get any tail

 

All that men want in a club is to sex you up. In a club where booze is sold this fact can more easily be confirmed by interacting with those males imbibing liberal quantities.

Most men want pussy, not conversation. We will do anything to get it, even fake interest in any other aspect of you in the hope that you will develop a mutual interest in fucking. But ,the plan from the get-go is always to get your panties off. Therefore, your options are:

1. Masquerade as a lesbian
2. Study wildlife in a South American rainforest

 

^haha! You're funny.

But just to be clear, I don't go to "clubs" I go to dive bars... Not that it matters I just got a really funny mental picture of me in a club surrounded by people in tight shiny black clothing :rofl:

 

Maybe, but I think there are many telling signals. When I go out to dance, I go out to dance. I cannot be mistaken for a guy who`s going out to pick up chicks. If anything, I am likely to cut chicks short if they approach me aimlessly or even move into my vicinity and start touching their hair and shit. Chicks can be creepy as fuck.

If a guy is doing the whole one-on-one approach rigmarole without a specific reason, I would cut him short and move to another spot. You can still be polite about it, but you`re not forced to share space.

Now, if a guy is already within your social group and he is dancing, or taking drugs, and talking to the group as a whole, then you know he`s there just to have fun.

 

You're going out -- something that people do to meet other singles -- and you are talking to members of the opposite sex.

That's your problem.

PS - you said you aren't that cute -- that's total bullshit.

 

I love the whole "if you're out in public you'd better act like a prude and make it clear to everyone that you're not interested in knocking boots with them, otherwise you're an emotional cheater and basically a whore" hilarious stuff right there.
Being in my late 30's I can say that none of this petty shit matters and y'all should chill the fuck out. It aint worth the drama. Jealousy and insecurity are cancers. you can't make someone love (or even like) you... just treat them as you'd like to be treated. /fin

 

PS - I accept drinks when offered < omg! tattoo a scarlet letter on her forehead!>

PSS - I also buy drinks for people in return < omg! tease! skank!>

 

That's what friends do :2thumbsup:

 

If you are referring to me; that's not what I meant at all.

If you aren't, I didn't actually read much of the thread so, ignore this =P

 

To the OP: You sound like a cool, laid-back chick that is independent enough to go out and have a good time without a boyfriend OR a group of girlfriends to cling to. Guys are naturally going to find this sexy and cool. I think as long as you go home alone (and don't make out with anyone in the club lol) you're alright. There is nothing wrong with conversation. If a guy thinks a conversation means sex or at least a date later, thats his problem.

This is bullshit. I have two girl friends that like to do the same things I do. I have a lot of girl friends, but the majority of them wouldn't leave town spur of the moment with no destination in mind for the sake of an adventure, or put a kayak in a river at 3 am one freezing night in January. Ladies are wonderful - all my lady friends are gorgeous and smart and great people, but the majority of them are not very adventurous, independent, or fun for that matter.

Most of my guy friends are up for anything, anytime, and so am I. As a result, I like hanging out with dudes. I don't hang out with guys because of any sexual element, I hang out with guys because they don't mind getting dirty (in a non sexual way lol) and risking their necks every once in a while in the name of a good adventure.

 

To clarify/expand.

I guess, after reading the thread, I'd have to side with I'minmyunderwear, and Cherea touched on it a little as well.

You are putting yourself in this situation by going to a place that is a hook up spot, and by talking to people that are looking to hook up.

I don't really care how you fix this: make yourself more clear and cut it off earlier, realize the situation and adjust behavior appropriately, find new spots, take it with a grain of salt and carry on. But stop acting like this is surprising. It's just making you look dumb. (And I mean that in the nicest way possible)

 

^ Yeah, I already said I was being an idiot about it

I'm not going to stop going out to the places I go, but for now I'm going to avoid talking with dudes that I don't know very well until I'm sure I can not behave so naively.

 

Yeah, I think Cherea covered most of it. Just remember that a good bit of the people are there to hook up, and lonely looking guys aren't the best people to chat up if you aren't.

 

Talk about your boyfriend more during the conversation. Mentioning it in passing is kind of misleading. Talk about how close you and your boyfriend are, and that should drive the ones looking for a hookup away.

Seems like you are feeling a little guilty, otherwise you wouldn't be here trying to justify "accidentally" acting single. You like to flirt, it makes you feel good, but maybe you are taking it a little further than you, or your boyfriend, are comfortable with. Is it possible that you lead men on a little to get them to stick around and talk to you?

I can't say I have met many men who would sit and bullshit with me once I said I wasn't single...unless they just wanted someone to talk to as well. Those are the ones that at the end of the night, you exchange polite goodbyes and thank each other for the conversation. If the guys are acting like you lead them on....take a good look at what you're doing. Maybe you are....

 

I agree with a lot of things that have been said..
Your main problem is probably this :

They don't get it because
1) u're being too subtle about it
2) u're alone at bars and seeking conversations with guys which sends the message that u're willing to flirt.

U need to clearly state that u wish your bf was there with u, that the only reason he's not with u is cuz he doesn't like the music or w/e (the truth basically), that "oh wait a minute i have to call my bf", that u think the guy would get along with your bf, etc.

What bothers me a little, is that u make it sound like things are "accidental". I don't think it can be.

Personally, last time i was in a committed relationship, i had zero problem with guys thinking i was leading them on and whatnot. I wouldn't even realize it but people would just sense that i was taken, i was lovestruck and it showed. (and i still made friends with many guys and girls)

Now that i am not (nor wish to be) in a relationship, i do get the occasional flirting, guys ask for my number all the time and such. I have not changed physically, and i have not changed morally, i still make friends with people. The only thing that has changed is that i act like a single person, but it is controlled, i know exactly when i am being flirtatious and when i am not.
And i know for a fact that if i go out on my own, no one cares that i'm not wearing any make-up or that i mention Greg or Albert, i still am a potentially attractive woman, especially to single-and-looking guys.