as i mentioned in my last (and first) thread a few weeks ago, i've been seeing this guy whom i met last summer. we didn't really start to hookup until october and since then we have been seeing each other 1-2 times a month, we live an hour or so away from each other. we've become closer as friends over time however his intentions with me have become clear as much as i don't like to admit it. i keep thinking that at some point he'll want something more, but clearly he likes to play around and is not looking for anything serious. although that is not what i want or really want to deal with, i have definitely compromised myself for him convincing myself that i could handle a casual relationship. not to mention that he;s the only guy i have ever been intimate with. i spent new years weekend with him and lost my virginity to him on the 31st. it wasn't anything special nor did the actual intercourse lasted very long. we'd spent a long time with foreplay before i let him get on top and he came with in mins. we continued to fool around that weekend but didn't have sex again. and idk, when we're together we have a lot to talk about and we're into a lot of the same things. it's easy to be around him. but when we're apart, he barely talks to me. before new years, he'd at least like my stuff on fb or my blog but now i can't tell if he's done with me or has just not been thinking much of me. either way, i know i should be done with him, for the past weeks i have been trying to get over him but it's hard when everything else in my life is kind of in a slump. i won't be in school until fall and idk, i feel like it's hard for me to meet guys esp ones who share the same interests as me. on top of that i'm sort of shy, not awkward but it takes a while for me to open up you know? lately i've been feeling close to unimportant and uninteresting. now i'm even wondering if i'll ever see him again since he's the one who decides when we hang out. ive been wondering if it's because of the sex, or what. i probably sound naive, i know i'm new to relationships/dating, but it's just hard for me to understand how all the time we'd spent together seemingly means nothing to him because it's not like we only fool around whenever we hang out. it's harder for me to understand how he could just drop me as if he'd never known me if that is what he's doing. im not sure where i'm going with this but i guess i'd like words of encouragement or just input?
Have you thought of the direct approach. Ask him what is going on. I presume he knows he was your first lover so it is only fair he lets you know what is going on. Hope things work out for you both but dont hang around ask him straight up what the situation is, do it soon and then make your decisions you can then decide for a casual relationship, friends only, or tell him to bugger off. Another thing you mentioned he came very quickly etc, if things were a bit of a disaster when you guys were together the first time he might be embarresed and avoiding you..
It sounds like this particular dude is not giving you as much attention as you'd like I assume you're in high school which means that you're relationships have a high probabilty of being fleeting I'm sure you can find a guy that is willing to both fool around with you and like your facebook posts
everyones important nor,including you.you said its always what he decides.nobody has a right to make your descisions for you.he sounds pretty selfish ta me, an all about himself and it is already affecting your selfesteem and confidence.lose him,move on an be happy. an here hava hug :grouphug:
Well, my advice is to stay the hell away from me. j/k :biggrin: Naw, seriously, you seem to have no problem waiting for sex. So, I would recommend waiting around for a guy who wants a monogamous relationship. Actually, a more reliable method would be going for a guy who`s monogamous, IMO. I think, by waiting around you`re lending yourself to predatory people. Also, waiting around for Prince Charming isn`t going to mend your heart very fast, I suspect.
Lol, i was about to comment on that, 'like'ing on fb is now relationship criteria? Oi vey, i'd dump someone for that alone
do i get anything for liking your hipforum posts? it sounds like you guys want different things. doesn't mean he's an asshole, but it does mean you probably aren't a good couple.
If you're already having these kinds of doubts about him, whether they are founded or not, and you've only been on one date..... I'd say that you probably should look elsewhere.
Any guy who would take a girl's virginity outside of a committed relationship when he knows she's probably interested in one is a piece of shit in my book. OP let me explain what weak people who have emotional investment issues are like. Likely he's had a less than warm family/parenting/etc type situation and has issues with commitment, real emotional intimacy, etc... For people who are what I would call "broken" or "damaged" like this it's a more natural state of existence for them to just go casually from one sexual partner to the other (to have multiple fuck buddies at a time). It actually helps them to ignore the emotional problems they have internally since a lot of western cultures will glorify the guy for bedding a lot of women. Also when people have low self esteem - which goes hand in hand with these issues I listed above - they need quick hits of their favorite drug (casual sex) to get back that feeling of self worth they have. So I don't mean to be harsh - but unless you are a knock out - the randomness of his contact with you is probably just due to him being in a good mood or etc... and when he needs a hit of ego to make himself feel better again he'll call you... ... why will he call you...? Because you are not a broken person - you are probably a normal healthy person who CAN do emotional intimacy and wants a real partner. It's an ego boost to him every time he shows up with no notice and bangs you - it's a power trip of sorts - don't you see? You are just feeding him his drug. You can't change people that don't want help.
