Sexually & Emotionally isolated, please help.

Hey everyone. I'm having some trouble getting my head around something that happened to me, and with nobody I can really talk to, I just don't feel I can let this get on top of me. I hope you guys can help me sort this out.

Trying to be as short as possible, I was 24, had an online relationship with a girl, and my confidence and zest for life was newly emerging. We arranged to meet and then 2 weeks before I'm due to arrive, we end up splitting, but right before I'm due, we speak and decide to see each other. Our relationship takes off, and for months, she told me that during this 2 week split, she hadn't slept with a new male friend. Of course, it later came out that she was lying, and I was (am) all kinda of devastated...

My problem is that I try to be a good guy, and put her past in the past - everybody deserves the chance to better themselves. The thing is that she was my first physical love, she had told me her number was in the 50's, and that amongst those people were teachers, that's plural, and the lead singer of a band. Ever since hearing how she had slept with this new male friend, all of her past is eating at me like a horde of ravenous locusts.

I want so much to give her the chance to be better, but my zest for life has diminished so much, and her sexual attitude, so polar opposite to mine drives me to the darker side of my mind. There are times when all I want to do is bang her so hard that it hurts her, just to get the anger out of my system. I also find myself thinking about liasing with other women and having a secret love-affair so that she too may know of deceit and pain.

To sum up, I'm completely emotionally and sexually confused. I don't want to be a bad person, but honestly, I just don't know how to deal with all of this. I know that some of you will immediately be drawn to the conclusion "ditch her", and I don't blame you, but what I'm trying to address is my own mind - is it possible to come to terms with things like this, or am I destined to wallow in depression and angst?

 

of course it's possible to come to terms with it. everyone's attracted to the wrong person sometimes. and sometimes that wrong person is an uber-whore.

you should ditch her of course.

 

From personal experiance, remove you heart from that particular equation and you'll be more than OK. I found myself in that very same situation ONCE. And for what ever reason i fell in love with her. I was about 23 about had all the pussy a young man could ever want. my life was like a living "penthouse forum" story. But I met this chick and we were a PERFECT "sexual" match. we both were big time partyers and we were each others ultimate sexual fantasy instantly. BUT , just as easy as it was for me to to get laid, She of coarse (being the hot female) got laid even easier. So when we met It was F'n crazy. I had women everywhere as she had her total pick of men. but we matched perfect"sexually. But that hard core lust turned into an emotional nightmare for us. I knew her sexual past as she mine. she wasnt a "WHORE" or slut, she was a hot ass chick and loved getting off.and had whom ever she wanted. She was very skilled at makeing you want her. Anyway ...... falling in love with her was tough for the both of us. for me it was a nightmare, cuz she was easily manipulated sexually if you knew her weakness. And as much as she was a junkie for my cock,and loved my sex, i knew that a couple of my close buddys, would party her up and know that it would get her freaky side out. I always knew she fucked around with them but could never catch her. much ,much later i was told that she was everyones favorite play toy. but in her case she made them(you) work for it. atleast she didnt give it away. but moral of my story,, is she was the chick that everyone wanted (male and female) and she knew it. And I was her main prize, I got it all, but knowing that she had the power to get my friends as horny as she made me and watch her tease them to the point where i would watch them follow her around our house with rock hard dicks bulging in there jeans like I wasnt even there. she would have them under her spell. even though I knew what was going on I still loved her and thought that she could/would change. Thats where i was completely WRONG. she was a party girl. not a slut or easy whore, but a woman that had the body and attitude that was deadly. she would take her panties off and leave them on the bathroom floor when she knew someone was coming over to party us up. that shit drove me crazy. but just as i didnt wear underwear ever and everyone was exposed to the perfect outline of my package. (i didnt know that until she told me) she cranked her stretch pants up her ass so everyone could see "everything". sexually her and I were a perfect porno couple,we should have made movies. But as a serious relationship NO WAY. SO......... my friend i suggest you remove your heart from the equation (its hard) and enjoy her and her sexuallity. sometimes and actually allot of times its just simply about sex.

 

The problems as i see them for you is dishonesty. Terrible if the girl was screwing around and lying about it. I think that relationships can withstand everything if you tell the truth, have love and commitment and a desire to be together. If the woman just wants sex and you and your friends just want sex then talk to the girl and t it up. The rules should be honesty. Otherwise trust can be destroyed, and so can people. I like to experiment but always within the guidelines of unconditonal love, honesty and trust. If you can arrange that...then happy sexy times ahead for you all!

 

Wow.

Because you get insanely jealous, she's not a good person?

And you wonder why they sneak around.

Its that ego and jealousy that will get you, and you'll only have yourself to blame in the end. If i read that right you are talking about her sleeping with another guy before you two were even in a relationship???

 

Firstly you may have a point about the ego thing - who am I to judge, right? My problem is that as much as I want to, I cannot see her having sex with people like teachers as right. I can't even give it a moral grey area in my head - she was just being a slut and there's no way I can mentally get around that. Now as for the sleeping with that guy...there's a reason I kept it short. She SAYS she only had sex with him once while we were on that break, but she had known the guy less than a month, had started going round to his house on weekends where she wouldn't talk to me much, and there came an incident where she did this gothy dress-up photography session with the guy and put the photos on Facebook. I later found out there was a photo of them that HADN'T gone on Facebook and it was her and him in bed together...again, she said it was a harmless photo but thought it may get misconstrued. Again, I want so much to give her the benefit of the doubt - the evidence is only superficial at best, but in my heart I cannot accept that nothing happened. The reason we had that split in the first place was because of her and him. It's a grey area, but when we get down to the essence of it, she cheated. She kept him as a friend for months later and told me she kept him close for revenge (because apparently he'd slept with over 100 women and put her on the bottom of a list).

I don't want to shoot her down with my more conservative views because each person has their own angle on what's right and acceptable, but it's like her being with this guy brought her slutty past right into my present. I don't understand why that is, but it feels like it's consuming me. And to be honest, I can feel myself cracking...I had gotten comfortable with her and this threw me right back to square one of insecurity. When she posts on a guy's wall, makes mention of a male name, has a night out - I know that I don't want to feel this way, but the fear comes back, and I get aggressive and cold. I know I do. I just don't know how or if I can cope with this burden anymore.