My Metaphysical/Psychedelic Troubles

Psychedelic drugs introduced me to (at first) a world of beauty, but now I'm having trouble integrating some of their more deeper insights into my everyday life.

I sometimes have panic attacks where I feel like I'm in a specific difficult psychedelic experience where I feel absolutely terrible. A sort of hard to identify, bland, depressing feeling where no matter what, everything is somehow wrong because the very existence of a universe is negative. For a more accurate description, read Shulgin's poet friend's trip report put into the Pihkal chapter called "MMDA." I feel confronted with an infinitely dazzling and unending universe where I have nowhere to ground myself. My feet are connected to the earth, and the earth connected to a much larger order of stars, and the stars connected to the universe, and of course the endless cycle ensues. It very much seems to me that I'm in a double bind with the Tao- that I cannot escape it if I tried, since it IS everything, and going "with" it is impossible by effort. Has anyone else experienced anything remotely like this? I wish I could talk to Sasha Shulgin's poet friend..

It seems that I wish for nirvana, deliverance from the illusion of birth/death. Yet the more I think about mystical ideas, the more I wish to leave this whole area alone and live a "normal" life with simple pleasures and no introspective reveries of metaphysical thought. How can I transform this into something positive?

 

To be the flow of all that is - is to self-actualize; become what you feel you must be. Simply by existing, you are contributing your experiences to the godhead consciousness of all that is.

You can turn your situation into a means for entering into a more spiritual life: To contribute yourself with compassion to the world in the way the suits you best. You will gain much insight and wisdom by following your own distinct spiritual path. You will learn to be complete, comfortable and content with whatever feelings and situations arise during your life.

True happiness doesn't come from striving for perfection, it is about accepting the imperfections. Realize that you have the absolute freedom to do what you wish, because when you realize your connectedness to the universe it frees you from your own perspective identity and ego, which limit your spiritual progress to what is comfortable to you.

The spiritual life is the normal life! To be ignorant of your place in the Universe causes more suffering and hardships than being aware of what is happening in your life on the metaphysical levels. When you know what's happening in your life, you can begin to break down all of your misconceptions and negative patterns and become your better person.

Tayata Om Muni Muni Maha munaye Svaha
Jah Bless
Hare Krsna
Hare Krsna

 

Sinister, I have felt the same.

You could view it as a negative reaction to ego-death. We feel insignificant and we find the true knowledge of our place in the scale of the Universe very disempowering. We want to cling to a self that gives us some sense of significance!

I have found the teachings of Ram Dass to be incredibly helpful in integrating this kind of stuff. As you know he was a psychedelic traveler before becoming a mystic. There are ways of honoring the knowledge you have gained without completely abandoning society. I am working on this "optimum judo move" for myself, and I certainly haven't arrived at a simple answer. It's a fascinating journey of discovery, though, and I'd love to talk with you more about it, maybe in PM or something.

 

Why do you need to be grounded in anything?

You're not really, why do you need to pretend?

Life is what you make of it, and if you had not realized what you have, it would be LESS meaningful, not moreso. You have much more control over your destiny, control over your reality, than people who are still "grounded".

You sound like you're asking for the blue pill, having taken the red pill some reasonable time ago.

 

i'll have moar red pill please.

OP, i'm sorry i can't offer much help. i've felt that anxiety maybe while ON a psychedelic, but not sober. is that when you feel as described?