Can't stop thinking about my ex and it's driving me nuts!

Five years ago I met this Jamaican guy, he said that he was single an I believed him. I was single at that time and I did not see any reason why we shouldn't get to know eachother better. We spoke on the phone a few times but had sex the first night we decided to meet eachother again. I was not really happy about What I was worried about what he would think about me. Anyway, we saw eachother fo almost six months and never had a fight. He was always smiling and so was I. We had the best sex. It was mind blowing! It was out of this world! We could not get of eachother. Anyway, I would see him several nights a week (sleep at his home) but we never went out. Eventually I noticed that his phone never rang when I was with him. Lol. So one day I decided to dial his number, I could hear the phone ringing on my phone but there was no sound comming from his. I finally found his phone in his chest of drawers. Lol. The silent mode was on. I asked him what was the reason for this and was he seeing someone. He said he wasn't but eventually admitted it. I was so hurt because I had grown to really like him and I trusted him. Anyway I broke it off with him. He called me a few times and ask whether I am comming over but I said no. He kept on saying that he is mine but I ignored. I cried a couple of times then I told myself that he does not deserve me weeping over him so I stopped. I just tried to block him out of my mind each time I thought of him. After a few weeks we spoke again and I went o visit him and you we made out again. By then I started talking to a guy who was way older than me. I kinda regretted sleeping with him but I never told him. I just decided it wasn't going to happen again. I saw him a few times after this but did not allow myself to give in to him. I told him that i am talking to someone and it wouldnt be fair to that guy if i slept with him. After this I changed my phone number and stopped calling him. The other guy and I dated for about a year and got married. I called him once to tell him then broke all contact with him. The only problem is I always wonder what is going on in his life. I sent him a Facebook request in 09 and I keep going to his wall to see what is going on in his life. One woman said that it's been four years for them and I was so jealous. Last year his daughter left him a message on his Facebook wall saying she heard that her baby brother was born this morning, she is happy but she wish she had a sister. I felt like someone took a knife and push it right through me heart. Within seconds found myself sending him a Facebook message then an email asking him for his number. I could not stop thinking about this. When I received his email I called him right away. The first thing I asked was "do you have a baby?". Then "are you married?". He answered yes to both questions. I was really hoping that he would say no. Anyway he said that he always think about me and sometimes he think about the fun times we had etc, etc... and when am I going to meet up with him. I really wanted to see him but I chose not to go. He told me where he I could find him and I should visit him whenever I want. Anyway over the past five months we have been talking to each other at least three to four times a month. We keep our conversations short and we don't talk about anything personal. I am the one who calls him though. I don't know if he ever called me because I stay weeks without charging my phone.
Lol. I am writing all this itty bitty details so everyone take all this into consideration when giving me an opinion. Last week my girlfriends and I were talking about men, sex etc and all I could think about was him. I instantly call him. We had not spoken for a few weeks an he told me that only yesterday he was thinking about me. At one point in our conversation he said something about when we use sex, i did not hear clearly then he told me that i should forget about it in a very cold voice. In my heart i wanted to see him so bad so I finally decided to meet up with him on Thursday. My heart was racing, I was so nervous yet excited. I felt like a teenager who is about to see the person she has a crush on. Anyway, we were so happy to see eachother. He gave me a big kiss and hug. We couldn't stop smiling. Our conversation was relatively basic. We spoke about our diet, my size etc.. He told me that he is a christian now. He wanted to know about my husband etc. i told him about some issues but i am hanging on. I told him that i give myself to my husband when i married himand i want this relationship to work. His response was very confusing. He said that I was deep, very deep, I am like the ocean and only someone as deep as me can understand me. He said that I am deep as an ocean, I am like an ocean, whereas my husband is like a stream. He also said that one can't fit an ocean into a stream but the ocean can meet the stream. He said that people wo listen to birds and nature (he likes nature) can understand people who are deep. He said that he is deep and people are threatened by people who are deep. He stopped, thought, Then he said that my husband and I should pray together. Somewhare in the conversation I told him that my hubby loves money too much and it kills me. He said that deep people dont care about material things. he said to find me is like trying to find a diamond that is buried deep into the earth. You have to dig and dig until you get to it (he acted how one has to dig then he held his hand up like he was holding that diamond an he kept staring at his hands). He said that he is like an eagle. Then He kept saying that I am deep and that he was deep and I reached his territory. Then he stopped for a few seconds. After that he said that if we had gotten married it would have worked. My response was we could not have been married. He just said I know, I know, I know I just said if. Hereminded me that I use to bring him lunch sometimes and that was so sweet of me. I asked him whether he is finally in love he said didn't give me a direct answer. I can't remember his actual words but his response was more like feelings can develop with time. He also said that she was younger than him and that there is a lot that she has to teach her. The location we were at was closing up and he stretched his hand out to give me a handshake. Then he told me that he wanted to pray for me. Then he said let me hug u while I pray for you but this time he did not get very close to me. He just lean forward and put his shoulder on mine. His lower body was about two feet from me. He asked if i wanted a ride i said no. Then we said goodbye and I told him that I will see him in the next 4 1/2 years and he said no, see you in two years. I went home that evening and i could not stop smiling. Infact its been a week and i still cant stop. We spoke yesterday and I told him that he put a smile om my face when we met. His response was I put a smile on your face and you put a smile on mine. We spoke today again but the conversation was really brief. I felt like he didn't want to talk. When we broke up I never displayed any emotions but when we met last week I told him that I cried and I dealt with the situation by trying to block him out. He was surprised that I cried. I didn't say anything then but it is bothering me. I know I care for him and I don't want to destroy anything for him or me. I am so afraid to search my heart to find out what's in there. I picture him sleeping next to me in the night. I imagine us having sex Over and over again. I can't get him out of my head.
Do yo think he cares about me? Do you think I should ask him why is he surprised that I cried? Should i tell him that all i think about is him? Do you think that I just care for him love him or is it just sex? Help!

 

Just be honest! always the best policy.

 

Thanks!

 

I recommend you to read the book "Women that love too much"
It helped me in a similar situation

 

it's a ... bad obsession ...

call your mother ...



now, back on topic, you definitely care for him and is not only interested in sex, that i can say for sure ... you sure like him...

did you guys meet after that time ? are you going to keep in touch with each other? (i skipped some sentences sorry)

 

Thanks!

 

We spoke on the phone but have not met him since then. I don't think I should though. He is now married and has a kid. besides this he is as Christian and is trying hard to take it seriously. I don't want to be the one who leads him off track. I believe that if I see him too soon or continuously we will end up having sex again and that's a recipe for me to get hurt.

 

Couple things! First of all I really do feel sorry for your husband being with someone who clearly loves someone else. Second this guy played you and yet you still have feelings for him. This I do not understand at all. Do you have a really low opinion on yourself that even though someone clearly used you that you would still have feelings for them. This guy sounds like he knows how to manipulate vunerable woman that have no self esteem with his mumbo jumbo spirtuality talk. He has never loved and never will. I suggest you look inside and find yourself instead of looking where you have been. It sounds like you might need help doing this so maybe go and see someone who can help you do this. Also either figure out if you really want to be with your husband or leave him. You are not doing anybody any favours with the way you are living now.