so here i am recently turned 20 years old, never had a girlfriend, never been on a real "date". i talk to women, i'm not afraid to talk to women ( i shouldn't be since my college class is 98% women). just recently at my school i started talking to a girl who i thought was pretty good looking, she showed what i thought was interest so i pursued. we started talking then we hung out one night at Starbucks and everything went downhill from there. on my birthday i went to see her at work and asked her out to dinner. i expected rejection, i got a iffy yes and she said shed get back to me. well she did and she couldn't because of work. so she suggested we hang out again and get lunch. during this time she stopped talking to me and seemed more uninterested when we talked at school. we hung out again on a Friday and got lunch. that Saturday i asked if she wanted to hang out again through text and she never answered. i tried talking to her on Monday and she might as well have been pushing me away by my face. i know i didn't do anything wrong because i didn't even have the chance to. to most of you this seems like a pretty uninteresting story that you could say has happened to you a million times. well this was my first time and now i'm left with the nagging thought that i'm just meant to be alone and that i'm the most completely undesirable guy on the planet. it makes no sense, i see these complete douche bags and ass holes get endless waves of women tripping over themselves to go out with them, just to get verbally and possibly physically assaulted by these morons. and whats more they seem to crawl back for more. when here i am with a growing irritation that has a weight that could crush an elephant and i am becoming even more soured to the thought of "love". i feel kind of like a whiner saying these things but its what i feel. i hear people tell me "just wait there's someone out there for you" and it only makes me want to tell them to shut up (especially since they've never had a problem with getting into relationships). i'm a little shy but its because iv'e been hurt by so many people in my life that its my defense mechanism to be slow with meeting new people. this has been weighing on my mind for a while and since i have no one id like to talk to about this, i figured i could get some insight on here.
this was the first time you've been rejected and you decide you'll be alone forever? in sales, they say you will get 10 rejections for every yes. well, with women those odds are even worse (unless you're an asshole who likes to beat up women, but that doesn't sound like you). i agree that it's annoying when people just lie to you and say that you will definitely meet someone; it's never a guarantee. but still, your odds are obviously a lot worse if you just give up. 98% women? what the hell are you taking, women's studies?
better to be rejected and be alone than to be in love with someone who doesn't want to be with you and you're forever alone with that nagging sadness of heartbreak
Yeah, 98% women? That was an instant red flag for me. If you are the only guy in a class cos its teaching, nursing or french literature most of them will think yiu already have a boyfriend And I am being serious, too comfortable and they are going to think you are not interested, in either them or females in general. You want to work it all out, just once pretend to be the fake macho wanker. It will mess with your head what really happens. Its not really about treating them like crap, more that actually being more interested in talking than their boobs is too gay for them. And safe and attentive is for later on when they want to get married. But golden rule is pretty much anything that comes out of their mouths, the exact opposite is the truth
@ vanilla. well, that puts a whole new perspective on this. now that i think about it i'm pretty sure she thought i was gay. i guess i got too comfortable with the fact that everyone in my class knew i wasn't gay that i assumed everyone else knew. why didn't i see this... for some clarity shes at the same school i'm at, just in a different class. (i'm in training to become a medical assistant) still doesn't make me feel better about the fact that i still have not had a girl show even one ounce of interest in me. of course i could just be so stupidly blind to things like that, that iv'e never noticed. ill admit i wrote this initial post with a bit of haste since i was already feeling annoyed. its not that i'm desperate to get in a relationship because i'm not. id just like to for once be with someone.
I know it sucks not to have have a girl interested in you. But it will happen I promise. Think of it like this every six months that goes past you have a 50/50 chance of some girl you meet taking a liking to you. Like flipping a coin. Most people have had at least one coin flip come up in their favour so far, since they were 17 or 18 say. You're situation is the random one though where you've had lots of bad coin flips in a row. You've had a row of tails. However you should get over this attitude you have about "douche bags and arsehole guy." Have you actually seen this happen? In reality the guys you say are douche bags are probably just a bit more confident then you are and you probably don't like them for it. Most women don't go for actual douche bags, though that is a common stereotype. Next time you see a guy laughing and joking with a women, maybe taking the piss out of them abut or putting them in a headlock or something. Don't think of him as a douche bag, but just a guy that's having some fun and see what you can learn from him. Women love confidence.
Experiancing some rejection is healthy and nessecery. It really does build character. Keep on keepin on dude
best advice I've seen in action is meet more people. the key is to meet lots of people and make a lot of moves ( hence the douche bag's success; the douche bag is constantly on the prowl meeting girls, eventually the douche bag finds the ones that like him and the like him despite the truth that he is a big dirty douche) on girls. Get rejected constantly and do things you like. Don't get hung up on someone, when there is no mutual sparks. it just wastes everyone time and makes you feel bad. you can't change someone mind or make them realize that "oh i secretly <3 notahipster" Only caveat is that you have to at least averagely attractive. at least 40% if you're obese or really really ugly friending lots of people and hitting on them (a key component otherwise you just have a lot of friends that are girls; sidenote best sources of women come from friends; create a strong core and it's much easier to find strangers. you have a group so you're not a loner. you know more events, defines what you like yada yada) and it is guaranteed you at least find someone who likes you. which means at least sex. one last thing affection is confusing because it makes feel that their is only one girl, that it can only be her, that it must be her and all your hopes and feeling pull you towards a girl that does not like in that way. by practice we learn that there are others, somewhere there's always others who will feel like the only ones we can every love.
