Hi, this is my first post. I'm a 28 year old woman that needs some advise for a brother who means the world to me. He met a girl two months ago who, from her account, is not bi or gay or lesbian as she dislikes to be called either, no categories. Ok i get that, no problem. she dated a girl for 2.5 years without being with or having interest in any guy. She then had a relationship with a guy for two years then split and started messing/dating with women and men. i care deeply for my brother who is in love with her. I've approached her and stated that she is a lesbian and or bi. she would get pissed at but i don't care. I just see her leaving my brother for another girl Maybe I'm a little mental here but when we go out she loves looking at other women she doesn't do anything but in my mind she must have an urge. She loves my brother, no doubt about that. i don't know... anyone been in that situation?
Loving your brother first and foremost means that you let go! He ought to be free to choose his partners, BFs, GFs, couples. It is really his call and NOT yours. Do yourself a huge favor here and back off unless you are his legal guardian. There is no way of knowing where this will go. We all have urges, don't we? A perfectly straight women have been well-known to break up, divorce, cheat and elope with other men. A BI wo(man) is just as likely to do that as anyone else under the wide blue sky. The key issue here is to see how your brother sees love relationships. Is he a monogamous guy only who wants to have some sort of "proprietary" rights over his partner or is he someone who would accept his GF's interest in other women and/or possibly other men? Again, that's for him to decide. KD
I mostly agree with your post, however, I do have distaste for your implication that dominance/ownership is inherent in monogamy. (And I am interested in polygamous affairs myself.) Monogamy is not always out of jealousy or control; but quite usually, a certain type of logic, a certain philosophy of relationships. That a companionship is more simple, more sensible when two members devote themselves to each other. Even many non-monogamous relationships follow this principal. Most swingers, for instance. They just have a varying view on which parts of one's life/time must be devoted.
proprietary rights? that's nonsense. Two people in committed relationship is not about property or not allowing the other to go a stray. It's a bond between two people which has nothing to do with property.
