A one relationship life vs a life of many relations

Do you think it's better to be in one good relationship your whole life or
to engage in a variety of relationships before you in up in your final one?


The arguments lay out quite clearly in my head:

Of course one relationship is better never having to go through the sadness of breaking up. There will be difficulties and fights but over time that relationship works through its problems. you never have that bitter taste if wasting 3 years in a compact going know where. You never been truly betrayed, sure there are lies but never the burn of having someone con you're virginity or take advantage of your love.

Of course a life of relationships are better. You get the pleasure of getting to truly know many lovely and exciting people. You're free in between relationships to do what you want and find out who you are. The breakups and "getting togethers" have made you strong and smarter. You've learned so much about your sexuality and your own personality by seeing how other have not been what you wanted.


Hypothetical if we maintain our current rate of romance I will be her only real boyfriend. That's the dream right? the first boy who you fall in love with falls in love with you and you live happily ever after.

I have been around a little bit. I've been hurt, elated, but overall well experienced. My partners all have ultimately made me the man I am today. the colorful character she loves.

I am just need some voices other than my own in the discussion.

(oddly I never talked about this with her; my conflict I want her to have a full life, can she have that if she spends her whole life in one relationship?)

 

Engage in variety!

i personally think that we learn from our failed relationships, or at least I have. In a fantasy world we live happily ever after with our first loves, but generally that isn't the case. not in this day and age anyway...I would just be happy with my partner being so over the top in love with me that they wouldn't feel the need to look else where( also just a fantasy)...soul mates kind of thing, but i don't think that that even exists.only in a perfect world.

my bio teacher once said it's better to marry a person with some experience, than a virgin, because then they wont get curious about what they're missing. a good thought in my opinion. i know if i had only been with one person then I would definitely be wondering by now.

 

it obviously varies between people.

 

One of my best friends married a virgin. (well, he wasn't a virgin by the time they married, but she was his first) I always figured he would eventually run around on her, wanting to get a taste of what else is out there. But they've been together several years and he's obviously madly in love with her. I've never seen him so much as look at another girl.

So turns out I'm just a cynical bitch.

It does vary from person to person. Some people (like me) need many relationships in order to learn lessons, in order to grow as a person. Some people fall in love the first time and never need anything else.

 

which are you?

maybe if we go on another year we'll talk and see if she wants to take a break some point and find who she is outside of relationships.

 

Does anybody really have a choice? You aren't in control of who you meet, or when you meet them. When you get a chance at a good relationship, you had better take it, and make the most of it, because nobody knows the future. If somebody ends a worthwhile relationship before it is really over just to see what else is out there, I think they are being very foolish. Or else they had just been telling themselves that what they had was better than it really was.

 

Absolutely no chance whatsoever in sticking to just one until just recently, late 30s

Before that, didnt even register, didntseem possible and never made any sense to why.

Little General was in total control up to that point

 

Twu wub.

 

Variety is the spice of life. live a l'il before settlin' down.

 

As a practical matter you will have many relationships regardless. There are just so many people in the world each playing relative parts as we conceive the purpose of our affections. We have familial relationships and professional relationships, casual relationships and serious relationships.

What you are speaking of is a relationship role or slot of which there is only one, i.e. your most intimate. That one role can be played by one or many. The only real criteria or rule imposed on the length and breadth of affection is the consent to have it be, and in what form.

Another thing to consider is that no relationship ever truly ends, they wax and wane in relative importance. The very parameters you set for relationship roles may change with experience. If you are trying to decide how is the best way to define that relationship slot and who shall fill it, you are liable to perpetual doubt and arbitration.

You notice that these types of relationships then, are relative. They are relative to the parameters you set for them and consider them good or bad, functioning or not, relative to those parameters.

There is no living being that can invariably meet your ideals for relationship, but there is a living being that can be equal to all of your relationships and that is you. In fact we have one life of many aspects and as you care for and nurture each and every aspect, so your relationships will appear to you.

We get our best return from our best investment. We may or may not come out well in a trade off.

 

All this being said, and while I agree that what path you choose varies between people is somewhat up to chance as well, I have to wonder why society tends to romanticize the "childhood sweetheart" coupling in books and in mainstream movies.

From that general vibe that society projects when mention of a couple that goes that far back, it makes you wonder if deep down at some level we do think that having a one long term relationship is ideal, even if it is just a fantasy in our heads.
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Additionally, I'd like to point out that in some cases those who have had many relationships, only to get burned each time, don't always come out as a stronger person and in some cases it breaks them. So in these cases it's not a good thing at all and you wonder if they'd turn out that way had they found someone who didn't abuse their trust, and emotions in time.

 

if i were to meet the right person, i could see myself staying with them for a long time. but then i do tend to like variety also, so really i guess i could go either way depending on the circumstances.

i don't know which i would say is "better" for me.

 

Because it is simple, sweet, easy to understand, and avoids all the heartbreak and misery most people go through figuring out who we really want to be with for the long haul. Anybody who has gone through that painful process has to envy those who were spared of it, for one reason or another. If you found it relatively quick and easy to find the right person for you, then you are very lucky. You're living a charmed life. :cheers2: Good for you.

I'm not saying that I'm against any kind of sexual adventure. I'm talking about serious, long term relationships. You can be loyal and honest to your partner and still do perverted things.

 

I just simply dont believe anyone stays faithfull anymore.

If you want yiur husband to believe you, stop flirting with other guys in front of him to try get him jealous.

If you want everyone else to believe you, stop hitting on other guys, stop eyefucking every second guy whilst your 'gorgeous' hubby is getting the drinks.

Its like you all get past a certain age and you are all on the prowl

Your 'gorgeous' hubby is your hubby in the first place becuase you al play it safe with some blah guy thats less likely to cheat cos you know none of the other girls are going to want him.

 

Does it even matter? The best is whatever makes you happy. That depends on your current wishes, which are likely to change in time. You'll get certain experiences in life because you show interest and make effort.

I think we do have a choice. Opportunities can be created - we can influence how many people we meet and what kind of relationships we form with them.

 

You can hide from opportunity, but you can't manufacture it out of thin air. You can't meet people who don't exist where you are or have no interest. Also, you can hold back from giving your best effort to a relationship, but you can't go beyond 100%. If you do everything you can to get the most out of your situation, then the rest is out of your hands. You get whatever you get, good or bad.

You're 24. Over the next 5 years, I think you will find that your opportunities will shrink faster than you want them to.

It always bothers me when somebody backs out of a good thing just because it wasn't an optimal time for them, and they assume that plenty of equally good opportunities will come along later. Maybe that comes from watching too many romantic movies, or just from wishful thinking. Some of those people end up on Facebook years later, trying to find out if somebody is still available and/or interested in getting back together.

People are willing to pass up opportunities when they think they are unlimited, but even supermodels often find that they have trouble finding guys who love them for the right reasons. I think compatible, wonderful, intelligent, nice people will always be in short supply.

Older people always end up mostly regretting the things they didn't do.

 

It's not just about relationship experience. You're 22. You've been a adult for 4 years and you have probably 35-50 more years left. 4 out of 50 isn't a real high % ya know? The thing is when you get older you realize more things about the world you live in and your priorities change.

When you were 16 did you have the same view on the world that you do now at 22? Of course not - you've probably changed completely. When you are 30 do you think you'll think the same thing as you did when you were 22 about most things? Probably you'll change your mind or learn new things that cause you to change...

My point is.... throughout all these changes that we all go through throughout our life the core of who you are remains the same usually - and if no other adult/peer/partner has been there for the majority of your life then how will they know what part of you is the core and what part of you is just "you at this age". Think about friends you have had since childhood - how you knew them when they were 10 and now you know them at 22. You know a lot more about their personality than a friend you've only known for a couple of years. The same holds true in relationships.

It's about intimacy. Longer relationships are much more intimate. Also another thing I have learned, having been raised in a happy household with parents that care for each other and stayed together, is that people who did not get raised that way (either by one parent or the usual divorce scenarios OR they just have miserable parents who stayed in a loveless marriage or some shit) have not seen what a working marriage looks like so they really have no clue how the fuck to go about it.

The truth is it requires work - all the time and forever - and the movies don't show people that so when they are in a relationship and it starts to require work they fuck it all up and start their cycle of ruining another potential relationship.

Also people change sometimes and grow apart - but I find that happens more in people who weren't really that close to begin with - if you make your own and your mates lives intertwine well then you grow together - not apart.

 

Not everyone lives within those confinements of immaturity. Though I'd agree most do.

 

I don't think there's one universal ideal relationship situation. We're all on individual life paths with different goals and desires. Realistically most people will be in at least a few serious relationships before they find "the one" or before they are at the point in life where they want/are ready for a life time commitment.

Personally, I'm married to my first and only lover and I couldn't be happier

 

While I agree with what has been discussed here going back to the OP's original question, I'd like to put my own spin on it and rephrase it as:

Do you think it's better for you as an individual to be in one good relationship your whole life or engage in a variety of relationships before you end up in your final one? (If you could choose your path)

@Karen, from my previous post that you responded to, I was trying to make the case that perhaps society does indeed idealize 'The one good relationship option' that the OP was referring too over the alternative of having 'many relationships' based upon the popularity of "childhood sweetheart" stories in our pop culture. Although it's not realistic, does it answer the OP's question, is what I was trying to ask. I'm not sure the full scope of my earlier post was realized so I wanted to clarify this.