Hey ladies! So I am 22 years old. Married to a wonderful 21year old woman. Got married in 2009. Been together since 2008. She is my other half! Now I have never been a real sexual person. Always been shy in that department as well. I've been told that I am a good lover. When I met my wife I was 120 lbs...since then i have had multiple health issues arise, including PSVT (my heart beats too fast). We haven't been able to get it remotely in control till most recently. When your heart is racing as if you are sprinting when you are just sitting down...well exercise becomes non existent. I ended up weighing 185 lbs about six months ago. I am now at 169 lbs (dropped that other weight just cutting things out of my diet) and am working out. But back on topic...my wife seemed to show me love more when i was skinnier. We had sex like crazy when i was skinnier. She told all her friends how great sex was. Now, we barely have sex. She is always reading erotic novels. She uses toys and Im not sure if she knows that I know. I don't say anything because we stated that when we get horny and the other isn't home or whatever, its no problem to help ourselves. But she doesn't instigate sex, yet is horny enough to read her books and use toys herself. When we do have sex, I am the instigator. And even when I try, I get shut down a lot. I will throw verbal hints or whatnot. She just shrugs it off or laughs. Honestly it hurts. Am I not good enough anymore for her? I don't know what to do. Any suggestions? Another thing... I have never been one for oral sex. It grosses me out. And I have a bad gag reflex. Not only is it awful for me to give it but there are times when I can't control my gag reflex and have actual gagged while going down on an ex. My wife really likes oral. I don't. She knows this. But one of the last times we had sex, she wanted to 69... I just couldn't do it. You could tell she was upset and just wanted to be done. I am a very comic person. I love to make jokes, whitty come backs and sayings. I am sarcastic as well. Something was said the other day and I came back and said "You're weird and I still put you in my mouth!" just being funny. She came back real fast and said "yeah...sometimes." and was dead serious. Holy crap is stung. I was shocked and said I was sorry and left the room. She didn't say anything else even though I was clearly really hurt. See, ive been abused (sexually, physically, and mental) by a past partner when i was a minor. She knows this. She has helped me through certain issues because of this. This is one of the main reasons i am so shy sexually. How do i please her with oral sex when i don't like it? I just don't know what to do! About any of this!
If you want to please her orally, don't think about it as something you have to do because she wants you to, think about it as something you want to do. You can get lots of emotional pleasure from giving others physical pleasure.
I love pleasing her. And I go get emotional pleasure by doing so. The thing is that I find oral to be gross. I literally feel sick doing it.
Is it just a gag reflex or are there underlying emotions that hinder you from enjoying the experience? If it's psychological then maybe you should consider some kind of intimacy counseling.
I dont know. Im not trying to sound mean, just saying what I get from what you said. But she sounds kinda selfish, superficial and unforgiving. She probably isn't, but I think she should be more understanding about this. There is more to a relationship then oral sex. Especially when you are married to someone. Things like this should be worked out. Otherwise it could grow into resentment. And you guys don't want that. I think you should try to find a way to discuss this with her. You guys can do it. Just ask her if she is bothered by these things you mentioned. Try to talk it out and figure out what is bothering her. Communication really is important. I have learned that the hard way. And that goes for any relationship.
