i'm a very bad person..

this is a pretty long post...

i've been dating my boyfriend chris for 11 months. when we first met, i was in a very vulnerable position which i wont get into. i'm the kind of girl that only dates someone who i feel very connected to and really care about. i'm only 18 and have had 3 boyfriends including chris. but i had sex with chris very quickly after we met, which is not like me at all, and ended up agreeing to date him even tho i really didn't feel it was meant to be. i've never been such a horrible person until i met him. i told him from the beginning that i wasn't a good gf tho. the only thing i suppose i was using him for was support during a really hard time in my life. i am i guess what you could call an alcoholic/abuser. for the first 7 months with chris i was completely sober. then i started drinking again, with him only tho. his mom is an alcoholic and it hurts me to think i may be bringing back horrible memories to him. i care about this man alot, i truly love him but i don't think i have ever been in love with him. it's very clear to me that he's been deeply in love with me for a while, despite some really rough times where he had enough and wanted to end it. we always get back together. i love him so much but i've always known it just wasn't going to last forever.. i know i'm such a bad person for staying with him & leading him to believe we were going to be forever. he has alot of issues and i guess i just really wanted to save him. it's obvious to me now that i can't. i've been told by his family, my family, my friends, and my counselors that i can never change him and that this relationship is not worth it, but i have always tried to believe otherwise. he is not the best boyfriend altho he is a total sweetheart. he has a lot of anger problems and has been extremely verbally abusive to me. he is 21, still living with his dad, recently got fired from his job, has no car, dropped out of highschool at 17, and has no plans to get an education. i'm still very young and only strive to have the best in my life. chris is very dear to my heart but i don't love him like he clearly loves me and i just CANNOT continue to break his heart. we have broken up so many times i can't even count. we broke up last night and i really told him how i felt and that the only reason i have to leave him is because i'm saving him from a lot of hurt but he just gave me the guilt trip and was being a total ass to me about which made it easy/hard to leave him.. but i just can't seem to let go.

if anyone has been in this situation or has any advice for me in this situation, please help.

 

break up with him for real, and cut communication. sounds like you're bad influences on each other.

 

you need to let him go

 

^Sentence too long/didn't read. :mickey:

OP, I agree with undies.

Get out before you have a kid mixed up in this.

 

Why can't you let go? Glutton for punishment? These on/off scenarios really piss me off! You told him yesterday exactly how you feel? What more is there to be said? It's over, let it go!

 

Let him go for christ's sake. He deserves better than a stuck-up princess like you.

 

sounds like both of you have some issues. if he is standing between you and getting sober, you need to dump him

I don't think that you should try to stay in a relationship that you don't want to be in

http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/showthread.php?t=408548&f=383

has a link to the NDVH

you've already seen a councilor though

 

wait what? i'm so confused

 

wooooooooow. HARSH! ahahaha.

 

yeah i'll admit i can feel entitled to princess status at times but,
how does saying:

he is 21, still living with his dad, recently got fired from his job, has no car, dropped out of highschool at 17, and has no plans to get an education. i'm still very young and only strive to have the best in my life.

prove this or make me stuck up?

 

<shoots self..

 

Do not take abuse from anyone--let alone a ne'r do well. He must live his life as he wants and learn his own lessons. From what you have described,his lessons are just beginning and they are going to be HARD ones. Do you want the life he has chosen? Or do you want a life you've chosen? By the way--there are a few other guys out there and many of them are much more suited for someone that wants to better themselves ,like you do. -_BUT_______Watch your back

 

You actually sound a lot like a person I know...but anyway, I was in a relationship like this and I finally dumped him and moved on and forgave myself and I'm happy now. After you give it some time, you will realize you're living with too much on your shoulders. If it's not meant to be, then be single until you find someone really worth your while. You'll know when you do.

 

When you're 18, nothing is forever. You have your whole life ahead of you. There are other fish in the sea. Find someone who makes you happy and hope for the best.

 

UPDATE! this douche ended up beating the fuck outta me a few months after i made this post. D:<

 

thank you everyone for all the advice. even tho it all made sense to me, i just didn't know how to actually apply any of it... obviously. but reading all your comments now even though its only been some months, i understand and am taking all the advice now!

<3333

 

its an unhealthy co-dependent realationship.ye are both feeding off each other in very negative ways.ye need ta go ye're seperate ways an get ye're lives together individually.

 

Sorry to hear this...

 

Best thing to do, is first use paragraphs, even if they don't make grammatical sense, sorry to be so technical just hard to read without a break, just press the enter button twice since they don't allow indentations..

First thing you are definitely not a bad person. It's just a bad relationship, built on ethics of which weren't your own standard. So just a bad foundation, for a good house, doesn't mean the house is bad. So please don't refer to yourself as bad, now that we have that out of the way, let's work on getting this guy out of your way.

Anyways you need to completely STOP talking to him. Any communication will only bring you back to the situation. I know this from experience it will just drag on, until it's only sex and maybe a few dollars for support or to get some new panties. Which sounds like.. you get the point, and I'm sure Rush Limbaugh has a smiliar statement haha. Sorry trying to break the tension.

But as long as you stop and feel happier about YOUR situation snd not the "we/us" factor, then you'll be fine. It's your best bet before you end up wiith a bun in the oven, even if you believe in recieving an abortion/adoption/Dumpste.. that's just messed up damn haa... but seriously getting preggo is a real possibility and if you think attachment is an issue now, just imagine the issues between you two if you did get pregnant despite any option chosen.

Don't let yourself get tread on with verbal abuse or anything else like that, you are a person (hopefully..) and most likely have many rights and liberties just by being born! Anyways execute your right to a happier life and cut him out of YOUR life. Yes, YOUR life, it is NOT ANYONE ELSE's and that starts by standing up for yourself and letting him go, delete his number, delete his email address and never save his number, email, IM, SKYPE or any other account, block him from facebook and tell him very kindly that is just can not work between the two of you.

That maybe the best way to communicate is through lettters so he has to read adn ===nd can't cut a letter ooff, without completely disregarding the whole thing. And if he does, then really isn't worth writing a second letter of communication. You can tell him that living with his father and not having a another job yet is still ok since the economy is so damn rough for most people, and that the part that's bothersome is that he is not trying to further his education, there are many programs that'll help pay tuition for community colleges and get a good chance at a decent job with decent pay.

And if that improved, his alcoholism improved, and also your drinking was severely reduced then maybe things can work out later, as friends (with absolutely NO benefits, or you'll complicate things beyond belief, this isn't a Timberlake/Kutcher movie with a happy ending), but not as lovers, touchers/feelers, dating, partners, sexchange program or anything like that, only friends. But once he has his side straightened out he can send you a letter, and letter only. Then you have the choice of writing him back about your situation and if you can become friends again.

Until then, make sure any communication between the two of you is extremely brief, limited and executed almost business like. Though your letter of disapproval of the relationship and the ending of any other relationship past friendship is completely over. That you truly can not be, as you feel it in your heart, that he is not the one for you. In the kindest and most sincere of words you can muster. He may understand, or become quite upset either way, he can only yell and tear the letter and not you.

Do yourself a favor and just purely and simply stop talking to him. He'll be a parasite you think you can avoid with safety precations,until he works his way slowly back into you, and it is bound to happen even if you say friends in this transition period, And don't let him say much, as he will put a wedge into your effort at any chance he gets.

Your choice, to either stop now, without a trace,or send a kind letter, stating that will be the ONLY means of conversing to you for then onto when you are ready to consider being friends once more, if ever again. (hopefully not though, it's just a sad reality that the friendship will soon grow like a weed to an ugly flower to blossom into something you want to stop and die, but never will until you just pluck the whole damn root.)


Added:

That should of been a call to the police, a woman shouldn't be beat by a man, or by a woman who is of an unfair advantage. And that doesn't mean woman can freely beat men with protection in court if the man fights back, I've seen men only put marks on a woman's wrists stopping her punches, and the man got 3 years.. ridiculous, but in your case you should get a restraining order, if you haven't already. Please be careful and take care of yourself.

 

I was seeing this girl who was younger, I was 20 she was 18 just got to college both parents dead, the last one a 3 years prior just broken up with her boyfriend of 3 years, when she arrived in my life; you could say she was in a vulnerable place, it was like blood in the water.

It was bad for both of us. She wanted to cure me, help me, support me. I had the sob story and the smarts to keep it going on my manipulation and her good will.

When you call your post "I'm a very bad person" it sounds exactly the goal of manipulation strategy. To emotional corner her: if she break up with me, if she abandons me, she's just like mother who left like my first nanny who... yada yada manipulation crap I spewed, I truly was a broken person.

I almost raped her, I was close to hurting her physically (I groped her once and pinned her down to see the fear in her eyes) , especially when she started to pull away. When I could see she was fed up with me, when I was losing control. When she was making up lies not to talk to me. Luckily both situationally things fell in her favor and I was just strong enough not to hurt her seriously.

My biggest point is that this guy can only be cured by one person, himself. Nothing you can do will change that. In fact seeing this girl get crushed by trying to help me made me realize that only I could change my life. Nothing someone else sacrificed for me mattered. I had to take my pain into my own hands, something she would have never been able to do.