Never seen a brighter light, Than that of the star that fell tonight. Right before my very eyes, I watched it burn in velvety skies. I watched the light trickle down, Watch that precious star drown. Kissed your face as i said my goodbyes, Then realized truth lost to lies. So i paint with heavens brush, Painting out the path of life. I lost you to the night sky, And drown in the tears gods cry. Inhale and the grown shakes, Exhale and my heart breaks. Used and dry i fall to the floor, Begging you, wanting more. I am the fallen one.
Very good. Two points of criticism, the flow feels very rushed and though emotionally strong it doesn't meet it's full potential of impact. If you would flesh it out a little more and try to make every line as beautiful as some. "I watched it burn in velvety skies." is a very beautiful line. "Kissed your face as i said my goodbyes, Then realized truth lost to lies." is written a little rough, but a very clever thought.
Thank you, yeah I can see what you mean having read back on it. I could try looking over it and editing it at some point
