I feel I am trapped in a lot of ways locality wise. I do not have a vehicle and live with my mother. Not a bicycle friendly city. There really is no city the way I see it. I've been looking for a job, there is a health food store a couple miles away that the manager seemed interested in me. Kind of sucks as I have really no place else to turn. I moved down from MI a couple months ago. This is like the last house on the block. I am grateful that my mom likes me living with her and that I don't mind too much living with her. I would very much like to and rather be fully self supporting. I want to become a Certified Nurses Assistant and work with elderly. Fortunately that is a plenty in Florida. The school closest me is not offering any courses at the moment though. My mom said she would help me with schooling which is very cool. I am a Certified Massage Therapist in Michigan but that doesn't transfer to Florida. I'd need over a $1000 and a bunch of footwork to get all the licenses I need to practice down here. That isn't something I really want to do though, it is nice helping people feel better in that way but I think I'd rather just have that skill and do it on the side a little bit. Apparently it is illegal to give massages in your house in Florida though.. I have been feeling whacked out off and on. The other day I wanted to talk to my mom about how I was feeling and I thought to myself, "She probably doesn't even want to talk about it." We were chatting back and forth and the conversation led me into starting to talk about how I was feeling and I was right. She said, "Can we talk about this tomorrow my brain needs to rest." That hurt my feelings. I have been thinking about volunteering at a senior center or something. I have so much free time and feel like I am wasting away mostly. On Fridays I play cards with my grandparents and a group of old folks at the cultural center. One lady asked me, "Don't you get tired of being around us old folks?" I smiled and said, "That's impossible." Yesterday I took 2nd place playing Euchre. Seems like things are unfolding very slowly for me. I am grateful to be away from the toxicity that I left behind in Michigan.. sick relationship. So glad I do not have children. My brother is a year older than me and has two kids. I love kids but not sure that I'd ever want to take on the task of being a parent. I've found that it isn't all that much work to just take care of me. If I had kids then I'd have to deal with a whacked out female and child(ren) depending on who hypothetically got pregnant by my seed. Been having deja vu lately too, just had it now as I am sitting on the couch typing this. Deja vu seems to be a signal to me that I am on the right track. I can't see the trail before me as I walk blindly but the deja vu.. sometimes knowing what is going to happen right before it does in whatever moment it is seems to be like the puzzle piece that is One Life Form is in the right place. Maybe, maybe not. It is frustrating not knowing what is going to happen what I am doing where I am going. I have ideas visions ideals goals but right now it is like I am in limbo. Floating along. -It is better to be alone than to be in the wrong company of people. It is better to be by yourself than to be with people whom you have nothing in common and nothing to talk about. That is because, when you are with yourself, you have the space to connect with your higher self fully without the interference of incompatible consciousness of other people around you. It is very different when you are by yourself than when you are with others. Therefore it is highly important that you be with the right kind of people. I need to keep ^ this in mind as I interact with people in my travels. I've experienced the wrong company for far too long now. Gotta keep things in the perspective I deem proper. Take care fellow forumers, :daisy:
whoa..thanks for the flashback...I used to play cards with my grandmother too..and her brother (my great uncle) and his girlfriend theyre all dead now
I took care of my mom when she has surgery. My dad is a dick and not very helpful. He aways took off, god knows where, and left me to care for mom. I had no care and also in a city with poor bus service and it was winter so a bike was a poor option too. I felt trapped and stressed as I could never escape.
everything south of atlanta is a fucked up racist retarded bum fuck black hole religious zealot bermuda triangle.
Are you suggesting that you kill at cards? I recall having the sense that things were happening too slowly for me- though while it was at about the same age as you I hadn't thought out nearly as well what I desired to do with my life- which happened anyway. Life does deliver and looking back it delivered at pretty regular intervals- situations, relationships, resources that shaped who I was to become in spite of myself. Your mom's disinterest is unfortunate for her because while her input might offer a sense of security with you it is likely not all that necessary for you to move forward- however she is potentially cutting herself off from a level of involvement in her son's life that few parents are afforded. It's more her loss than yours. I feel compassion for her because she may well not realize the value of the experience she seems to want to pass up. Be grateful for the oasis in the desert and with a measure of persistence you'll soon be afforded a route to self sufficiency.. Stay cool as a cat.
