I have problems, lots of them. When I was a kid in school, everyone made fun of me, and I let it get to me. It doesn't bother me anymore because I realize the reason they did it was because they were insecure about themselves, but I feel it had a negative impact on me. I hate my parents. I don't blame them for my problems but I can't find it within me to forgive them. My father was a crack addict and an alcoholic who was in prison most of the time, and my mother verbally and physically abused me. I still have scars from it. Neither of them ever taught me anything (except what not to become.) My body is really messed up. I have ugly scars all over my face and my penis is really screwed up too (I won't go into how that happened.) What I want most is someone to love. I'm not very picky, but when I look at myself in the mirror I don't think it will ever happen. I also want to be good at something, anything really, but I feel like my brain is too damaged or something. I used to think I was a good artist, but I let that idea go after I spent three years making a comic book and no one wanted to read it. Last year I was really sad and I cried every day, but this year I don't feel anything. I have tried everything in the books; meditation, volunteering, eating healthy, exercise, but I'm still not happy. I want to be happy, I just don't know how. I can't even remember a point in my life where I ever was happy. I don't know what to do.
Try this book. It's not expensive and it couldn't hurt. http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553284347"]Amazon.com: Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life (9780553284348): Susan Forward: Books
I teased a lot of people at school but it wasn't because I was insecure about myself. You can think that all you want but in most cases it isn't true, just the easiest thing to believe I guess. Tease a poor kid and you're insecure about not being poor? I think not. Tease a fat kid and you're insecure about not being fat? I think not. Tease a retard and you're insecure about being physical able? I think not. Tease a foreign kid and you're insecure about your culture? Hardly. Tease a kid for failing a test and you're insecure about passing? I think not. Tease a kid for having a shitty home life and you're insecure because you don't? No.
doesnt coming to this site making you happy? i like coming here for one reason because of all the people that have it worse then me, I could say we have a lot in common but you certainly have had it worse then me... I never know anyone whos had it worse then me in real life.. also bullshit around on the internet and getting shit out of your system or looking and posting funny pics, videos, listening to good music... just chillax man and try to enjoy the short period you have here...
Sounds like you had a very hard life....you are not alone. I won't go into my own horror story or what I think my parents should or should not have done. What your life amounts to, however, is up to you and you alone. You can spend your days blaming those of your past (and inevitability continue living a miserable existence). Or, you can take all that energy and emotion and focus it on others who may need your wisdom and encouragement. You may be asking, "How can I help others, if I don't know how to help myself?" From my experience, YOU WILL be helping yourself BY helping others. You don't have to have mountains of compassion/empathy to begin. Just an awareness to spot another person going thru what you have. It will be one day at a time for a while. You will always have a hardend heart to some degree BUT once you start opening up and sharing with others like you, the day-to-day load on your shoulders will lighten up. Your value isn't going to be found in what happened to you. It will be found in what you do with what you've learned. Also, if art is your passion (and God-given talent), stick with it and someday you just may fall into an opportunity you never thought you'd get. I've been where you are and have made it through without getting myself jailed for it. You can do the same.
Life is a series of moments, not a perpetual state of one emotion. What makes you happy from moment to moment? Start with the small joys in life. If you enjoy art then create art because you enjoy the moment of creation, not the moment afterwards when people praise your art.
Volleyball makes me happy. And video games. And writing, and buying bouncy balls... I have 95 of them.
Music, people who give a shit, cute things with fur on them like cats and dogs or kittens and puppies, drugs, nice views of mountains/trees and such, storms with rain, thunder and lightning...and other random things. I am not really happy over all but all of those things have brought me some relief and/or comfort.
your already good at somethin' pip.already knowing everything you never want to become. an painting.an writing comic books.everybodys good at something.including you!do you still have your comic book pip ? theres loadsa us here who could read it if you want ta show us it. an next time ya look in the mirror remember your lookin' at someone to love.:grouphug:
Thinking about why I'm not happy and fixing the issue.. or just covering it up to get round to it at a later point.
I find the most important things in keeping me happy are these: Intelligent people with similar interests to mine around me to talk to and form relationships with. Physical activity always tends to make me feel happier, especially if its towards something useful. So building things, farm work, digging trenches...that sort of thing. It gives me a nice sense of tired achievement, especially if it involves working with other people. The more im outside and in a natural place, the happier I tend to be. The absence of any one of the above 3 things generally leaves me feeling a little empty, as if something is missing or unfulfilled. Anyway, thats my take on my own happiness...I hope you feel better soon.
