im 19 years old and i have been with the same guy since i was 14. he is my world and i love him very much. ive been sexually active since then as well. he is my third sexual partner, and from how i feel lately, he is going to be my last. problem is, i have never had an orgasm. with him, the other people ive been with, or with myself. i cant really remember a time when i felt turned on and wanted to have sex. most of the time i just cave to him because i feel like a shit girlfriend if i keep saying no i dont feel like it. even before i was with him, i dont remember being turned on. i never touch myself, it just seems useless. like i could be doing so many other things, and this is just leading no where. most of the time, it kind of just hurts. lately, ive been thinking about maybe sleeping with someone else, to see if it is just me or if its him. i brought it up to him and he shot it down instantly, before tearing me a new one and chewing my ass out on the suspect of cheating. he doesnt seem to understand that i dont want to go fuck someone else and run away with them forever. i just want to see what it is like, and still come home to him. but it seems like that isnt going to happen. i dont know where im going with this. i feel like there is something wrong with me and that i am missing out on something awesome. i want to be a normal fucking person and enjoy sex, but i feel like i never will. some advice would be very welcome.
I don't know how to solve your problem, but I can tell you that it doesnt seem like the problem is coming from your boyfriend and more so that its coming from your own physiology. Cheating on your boyfriend is not going to solve this, and no matter how you look at it, it would be very hurtful to him. I can completely understand why he would be angry at the thought of you sleeping with someone else, especially since you seem to think that it should be no big deal, which it really is to a lot of people. It's human nature to be jealous and most people just cant handle the thought of the person they love being intimate with someone else. I think you just need to work with you boyfriend to find the things that turn you on. If you can't have any success being aroused by the person you love then I find it hard to imagine that you'll have much success with a person for whom you have no emotional connection.
hmm maybe hold off from sex until you start craving to give it a shot by wanting him on your own from within. you got to want it, sure maybe sex with someone else or a stranger would be exciting and make the heart race... just see if your bf will get your heart racing then get intimate, youre still young and theres plenty of fish in the sea as well..
thing is, i dont really consider it cheating. from everything ive read recently (sex at dawn, red queen), we are meant to be open lovers. i tried to explain that to him, but he is too jealous to even think about it. i love him so much and he is my best, and really only, friend. i hate to think about not having him around, because if i asked to be separated for a little, he would never talk to me again. i think he is really self conscious about himself and he is afraid that i can, and probably would find someone else. when we do have sex, i try to get into it. i really do. but most of the time i feel like im faking it. i fake cumming all the time because i dont want him to think he is doing something wrong or that he isnt good enough because for some fucked up reason me not getting off is tied to me not loving him or fucking someone else. when i masturbate, or try to at least, i think "what the fuck am i doing. none of this feels good. im not doing it right." watching porn...eh. its like watching a movie. i just dont get that "man i want to rip my clothes off and fuck" feeling ever. he tries. it just doesnt work and i dont want to be a bitch and possibly start a huge fight.
When you've chosen his feelings over the value of Honesty to THAT extent, you've both already lost. He has no idea what's going on with you. You're manufacturing a whole image and he is buying into it. Very unhealthy.
If you are feeling pain ("... most of the time, it kind of just hurts....") during sex it is a physical problem, see a doctor....Gynecologist. If your brain is not receiving appropriate signals from your erogenous zones there is something wrong; something is blocking/interfering with those signals. Also, if your boyFriend is overly objecting to discussioning sensitive issues "...tearing me a new one and chewing my ass out..." you are in for very deep and long lasting trouble with YOUR selection of MATE MATERIAL.
