Fall into surrender. Be as one with the light. Dream of tomorrow, but bring out the night. Sing a melody to the ancient lovers &, look towards the forest with hand in hand. Life is such a miracle. So beautiful, so true. There is never a reason to leave the dying soul without enlightenment. Open up the waters, seek peace into the waves. Our only survival is the way the wisdom lies in our darkened caves. The misery, it`s burning; like the buidings that we worship. All the money flooding your weakened minds, forgive them for the time they`ve wasted. Spent gathering dust, with no reason at all. We sit alone, finding ourselves & listen to pure air. The dream, it comes.. you cannot hear it.
Thanks you all I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEE sharing my work. PM me if you guys would like to exchange some writings
This is a beautiful poem! However, I think it would be stronger without the rhymes. However, your rhymes work out better than most people's rhymes. Most of the time when people rhyme it just sounds like nails on blackboard. Your poem is a whole lot better than that – it's a beautiful poem – but I don't know that the rhymes are helping you. I wouldn't change a thing about this poem though. It's real good. Maybe try writing future poems without rhymes. They might be even better!
