How do I get him? I suck at this....

I've been talking to this guy for about a year now. We've been out a few times. I had a lot of shit going on in my life and I was pretty unstable but I think he really is someone I want to be with....I'm falling for him. He has always been the one that's pursued me and has "pestered" me (not in a bad way) at times to go out. Now I am finally giving in and I'm not saying maybe or canceling half the time and it's like he's turned the tables.

Inviting me to do something then weaseling out of it last minute. I don't mind being the one to take the initiative but how do guys feel about that? I don't wanna scare him off but I don't wanna wait around forever.

I realize that I did the same thing to him but enough is enough! Right now he acts like he's still interested but he doesn't follow though.

Really I just wanna know when to give up and move on. What's my "hint" that I should just quit trying.

This is why I hate dating. ahhhhh

 

Age 29? Oh my god ask him out already lol, i would expect this from someone my age.

You can do it :2thumbsup: he will like it!

 

Payback is a bitch!

 

I have asked him out. But it seems like that's when he started kinda backing off. and um trust me, dating does not get any easier as you get older. Maybe the opposite! lol

Payback is but I don't think it's entirely that because it wasn't like "that." We only hung out every once in a while. It wasn't like I blew him off.

 

Of course not. You just kept him on a string like he`s doing to you now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LmY30_DjMYo"]Bob Dylan - Like a Rolling Stone (Studio) w/ lyrics - YouTube

 

You should just confront him. Tell him that you really like him and feel like you two could really have a chance at the real thing. Tell him that you're interested at seriously dating. One step at a time. If it works out, great.. If not, hey at least you both made an honest attempt at it. Just make sure you are open with him. Tell him to be honest with you. If he doesn't want that sort of thing. Then you know when to quit and move on.

 

Playing hard to get works both ways, and sometimes when guys are able to string a girl along they will absolutely do it.

The difference being that most guys won't entirely cut you off after stringing you along.

If he was interested in you in the beginning and you were apprehensive, and now you are chasing him - he is probably wary of your apprehension in the beginning.

Just keep at it. If he is completely ignoring you or being rude, that's when you need to let go. If he is still nice, still acknowledging your existence - you're doing fine.



I know how it goes, it sucks hard fucking core. Especially when it is your friend and you want to preserve their feeling of friendship/respect of each other, it is a bit hard to add the romance into it. I think it is worth it, though I have not experienced it myself, I have heard many people with glowing things to say about how they started a relationship with a friend.

 

I'm thinking you waited too long. The timing was off. Maybe he thinks you're a flake or playing games with him. My advice, explain exactly your situation and feelings exactly like you did in your original post. That's the best you can do. If he keeps acting like he's not that into you, then he probably isn't. Move along. Love is a risk. If you want it, you have to take it.

 

He may think your not interested anymore. I'm still learning how to talk to guys lol. My nervousness sometimes makes me look needy but overall I'm just freaking scared. Love is hard and you hear them talk about themselves and you believe them but than you think it's all a lie. I used to rush into things and fall way too quickly, but not every guy will so it's better to take things slow.

I'd give up on him if I were you, he's just playing with you now.

 

I love it :2thumbsup:

Same for a lot of guys

 

Really great advice guys! Very constructive and helpful. I think I'll apologize for always keeping him around at a distance which was totally unfair, explain my situation, feelings and cut him loose. If he really is still interested it will be up to him, if not than hopefully there will at least be no ill feelings and we'll both move on.

 

Nope. "Cut him loose"? from what? "it will be up to him"? Why is it that some people seem to feel the need to always save face and have the upper hand when it comes to this stuff? This isn't a competition ladies and gentlemen. This kind of thinking is why men and women are fucking miserable with each other. Who is keeping score folks? Your friends? God? Your illusory sense of pride? Life is too short for this bullshit. If you like him, explain yourself and leave it at that - this whole notion of "cutting him loose" implies some kind of weird perceived ownership - which from what you've explained is clearly not the case. If you really like the guy, don't leave it up to the Fates or whatever the fuck your doing, just to preserve your ego. Some of the saddest and loneliest people I know are drowning in their own dignity.

 

Well put! I agree with everything you said. And as far as " cutting him loose" well that was just poorly phrased on my part.I really just meant that I was gonna move on if that's what I need to do and should do even if if it's not what I want... I realize it may be what he wants. I said my peace and explained myself. I can hope he'll understand and we can move forward but obviously I can't make him (or anyone) do anything they don't want.

Thanks for your input, much appreciated!