Amazingly my wife gave birth to our daughter while hooked up to a life support machine. The nurse asked if i wanted to "cut the cord" so i did .....and she died.
My wife gets really annoyed when I use the word "****" I suppose shes got a point. I really should make an effort to learn her mothers real name.
My girlfriend & I went out to a restaurant last nite , and some of the other diners started calling me a "paedo" and a "cradle robber" all because I'm a 52 yr old man with a 21 yr. Old girlfriend. It totally ruined our 10yr. Anniversary meal.
My wife doesnt agree with our son having girlfriends at the age of 12......I'm not surprised to be honest, he's 28.
My girlfriend recently found a lump on her chest. Unfortunately, the doctor could only confirm the worst..........its puberty.
My girlfriend just came to bed with a shaved pussy for Valentines day. I dont know whether to thank her or the cancer..
I came home early from work today and caught my wife masturbating with a cucumber. I said "O great, I was supposed to be eating that tonight and now its going to taste like a cucumber!"
My girlfriend just announced that shes pregnant. She said"Im not looking foward to getting fat.""dont worry" i said "youll loose it""I hope so" she replied "you better" I said " Im not cut out to be a dad."
My wife just gave me an ultimatum its either her or the internet. So sadly, this will be my last joke ............in which i will talk about having a wife...
My girlfriend is such a ****. Shes alway bitching & on my ass about all my female facebook friends and today she sent me a friend request . I said "look, Ive already told you before Im only friends with my ex-girlfriends on facebook!".................then, i hit accept.
My girlfriends job recently sent her out of state on assignment. She tookmy laptop with her so i couldnt surf porn while she was away she said it would be like i was cheating on her........She probably should havr taken her sister too!
