My ex, we had dated for 2 years. He didn't cheat on me, I didn’t cheat on him, he had no interest in anyone else (Which I knew for a fact), we were always having a good time. I don't know why he ended it still, there's a million things I could think of why he ended it, but trying to think of why would drive me insane. The relationship ended with me crying and at first him crying too. I didn’t beg or plead to be with him or for him to take me back. I asked as he was ending it if he wanted to work it out though, which he did not. His reasoning, which was vague and still doesn’t make much sense, was how he’s not ready for a serious relationship. We had been in one for 2 years! it sounded like BS. He kept saying how he was overwhelmed or how people were asking about his future and he wasn’t ready for the next stage in life like college, a job, moving in with his gf. (I am 19, just finished my 1st year of college and he’s 18 still a senior in high school). It will still make no sense of why he ended it. We had talked twice since the BU. One time, 4 days after the break up, he called me, it was a confusing/emotional phone conversation, me crying and him just being serious and telling me he kept my things and wanted me to take his back (I had given him his things back a few days after it ended, he called saying he wanted me to have back his things). A few days after that phone conversation I had texted him, trying to make sense of what happened but the texting was frustrating. It started off nice and how we wished each other the best but towards the end I got more and more frustrated. His friend told me that my ex said how a bunch of guys would be lined up to talk to me, it didn’t bother my ex. My ex was the one who said a bunch of guys would want me now! I said to my ex “a lot of guys have been trying to talk to me now, I heard that actually doesn’t bother you” he told me “well, you’re single now. Guys are gonna make a move. I want you to be happy”. He didn’t care if guys would try to go out with me now. I got a little frustrated. One point he didn't reply, to which I didn't mind and I didn't send him anything after that. I decided it was best to not talk. It's been a week and I haven’t heard from him. Since that I have deleted him, removed him from my phone. He hasn't tried contacting me since, I don't know if he would, I shouldn't care if he does at this point since I am trying to move on. Though it's interesting to wonder sort of if he would contact me. I think he still kept all my things in his room/house. He told me last Sunday how he still kept my things and how I "just got rid of him in a box" (I gave him everything back I had in a box a few days after the break up) I told him not to flip it around on me and that he got rid of me so i had to get rid of the box. If he still has my things maybe at some point it'd all hit him and he'd feel something? Who knows though. What do you think? Should I wait and see if he contacts me? Or would it be a terrible idea if I tried talking to him? He told me if I ever needed someone to talk to that he’d be there. How he wasn’t going anywhere. So I am not sure if I should even try talking to him or not. Help?
So all of what the above post describes happened all within one month? I would just try to get my personal bearings, and try to handle the whole situation as business like as possible. Do NOT try to second guess all these things about why this and why that. I would just lay my cards slow, focus on school and forget romance and love drama for a while. I honestly think he just freaked, and there is not too much you can do about it to be honest and ride it out. Only contact him if you feel it'll help you put this aside and move on.
We dated for 2 years. All the sudden it seemed like things were really weird for a couple weeks, ever since he went to some college orientation/meeting about taking transferable classes. It was so weird cause we had such a great/happy time together a WEEK before that all started happening. He made me believe everything was ok before it happened, literally, was acting normal and told me we'd be together that day and everything, when it happend I got in his car, he called me baby, kissed me, and then asked if I missed him since he hadn’t seen me since that Friday. He started driving, had a weird look on his face, pulled the car over and randomly said “I am not ready to be with someone. I’m not ready for a relationship. I’m not mature enough”. we had been together 2 yrs! it made no sense. no one saw it coming either. He hadn't spoke to me since it happened til he called me 2 Thursdays ago. I answer the phone and he first says to me "why did you give me my stuff back?" and I said "because you broke up with me." and he said "well, they were gifts. I want you to have them" and I was like "yeah, from when we were going out. you broke up with me" and he was like "but I kept all of your things. they're still in my room" and he kept saying he wanted me to take the things back cause they were gifts and I said "it's not the same". He literally called me "baby" multiple times during this conversation and I said "why do you keep calling me baby?" and he said "it became a habit" and I kept trying to ask him why he broke up with me and he kept telling me he just wasn't ready for a relationship. I kept telling him it made no sense because he had already been in one for 2 years and I asked what he wasn't ready for and he kept repeating himself and apologizing to me. I asked if he still loved me and he said not anymore, he loved me as a friend, not as a girlfriend anymore, how he DID love me, but not now. He told me at one point during the conversation how "I thought about how long we were together and it was overwhelming and I realized I'm not ready for the next step" I asked him "well what do you think the next step is? what's the next step for you? there was no pressure to get married or move in or anything like that anytime soon" and he said "i know, I'm just not ready to be with someone. I'm sticking by my decision". He told me Tues night when he saw me he went home and questioned if he wanted to be with me. But nothing bad happened that night, we didn't fight or anything. I texted him last week. We talked for a few hours til he randomly stopped discussion, which I did not mind because I found it more interesting than anything because his answers were still consistent in making no logical sense. When I texted him last week he talked to me again and told me: "I'm not ready for a serious relationship like the one we had yet. I am going to start college and everyone was asking me questions like what I was gonna do in the future like job wise and with my girlfriend and where I will go and I burned out and didn't want to do anything anymore. I'm not ready to move onto the next step like go to college and get a job and eventually move out with my girlfriend or be in a real relationship. I've felt all of this and I'm not ready for any of it. I need time alone now to recoup. I'm 18 and I still feel young and not ready for any of this. I want to take my life slower." He told me how he doesn't want to be with anyone now or in a relationship at all. He never talked to any other girls though, at school as friends yeah, but not on facebook, not through texting, or any of that which I know for a fact. He was loyal and never cheated and wasn't talking to anyone else. So I don't think he left me because he wasn't interested in anyone else. I don't know what happened. Or what was going through his mind. He just said he didn't want to be with me or with anyone, he wanted to be alone. So I am trying to just leave him alone. I didn't plead or anything or send him anything after he ended it. So I didn't do anything clingy or desperate. I am trying to ride it out. He told me he wasn't going anywhere, how we could still talk if I needed to or wanted to. But I don't know if it's a good idea to. I'd like to, but I don't know if it'd only cause more frustration. It's been tough though. I am sticking with not talking though. Each day that goes by gets slightly easier. I'll still think about him though it's not as strong. I'll want to talk but then persuade myself out of it. Though the urge to is still there, but I know it's best. I know I have to move on. But seeing as there was no begging or pleading or anything on my behalf when it ended and no clingy/needy obsessive text to him after the break up happened, and since we had only talked 2 times after he ended it, do you think it's ever possible he might reach out to me at some point?
Maybe, honestly, I think your ex is feeling the stress of the transition between the life of a boy to that of a man. I think this is his defense mechanism, and that this is a symptom of depression. I think it's very possible he just had to take a step back to get his bearings, and feel he had some kind of sense of control and he shed as many responsibilities possible. (stress of maintaining a healthy relationship etc..) And it's possible that he doesn't love you the same way he did before too, harsh but it's possible. I do think though that he does still want a friendship with you. ---
There's many reasons why he could have ended it. I thought he might've just been stressed too. I'd never really know. I was wondering if he was having some sort of mental breakdown. I don't know how if he could have fallen out of love, so rapidly. all up til he ended it he was still being nice/sweet. I was nothing but nice/kind to him. I know feelings can change. I have accepted it's over either way. it will never quite make sense. I still wonder if I should try talking to him or if I should just wait and see what may happen
I kinda know where he's coming from. I loved a girl and dated her for a few years and she was in love with me. But I just had a deep honest feeling that her and I simply were not meant to spend life together. That doesn't mean I don't love her still. How could I not? So we had to break up, and it's been really confusing and rough because we got so close and so attached. But the longer time goes by, the more sense it makes.
