Ok, so I signed up specifically to post this explaining my situation. It will probably end up being a long post, but it is such a unique situation I'm dealing with that I want to cover all the bases. I'm also unsure of exactly which section to post this in, so if this should be moved I apologize. But I just really need some advice or even general thoughts from anyone. I really had to work up the courage to even post this, so please be forgiving as this is a real situation that I am forced to deal with every day. So I have a problem that I'm sure none of you have ever heard of before, seeing as none of my doctors have ever seen such an issue. Basically, I'm a 23 soon-to-be 24 year old healthy male who has never had a full erection. I'm talking not even once. Not during puberty, no morning wood, never. I mean, I get some blood flow and some growth, but it never stands up on it's own and it doesn't really get hard enough for sex. I can orgasm and ejaculate and get horny, but I don't get fully hard. My testosterone levels are normal and all that and I don't respond to viagra. It took me a while to even confront this issue medically due to money issues/phobias, but it's an ongoing process. As of now the doctors are pretty baffled. I am sure this is not a psychological issue, as I've never even once woken up with morning wood so it is definitely a physical thing. I am otherwise healthy and fit. I am still hopeful that one day this can be resolved, but as of now that is where I stand. Unable to get a full erection hard enough for sex. Some days are better than others and I have had sex before, but it was unsatisfying for the girl because of my lack of hardness and my inexperience made me unable to last very long. Very embarrassing, as you can imagine. As you can also imagine, this has affected my ability to have any type of intimate relationship. I've had one girlfriend in my life but I was pretty emotionally unavailable due to this problem. We ended up breaking up because of it. Now I'm a pretty good looking guy and the girls that have been interested in me and I've hooked up with have been good looking. But I've always have to preface my hook ups with alcohol, so I can have an excuse when I don't get hard enough. This has usually made me a one night stand type of person. I've always run away from any type of deeper connection because I am afraid to tell the girl my problem. I am afraid of what she will think, who she will tell, and just the general embarrassment of it. It really is the most personal detail of my life that I can't share with just anyone. Now that I'm getting older and a lot of my friends have had girlfriends for a while it is making me lonelier. I am seeking the emotional attachment that comes with having a girlfriend and making love, and I'm just afraid I will never be able to experience that. Now to my current situation. I got a new job recently at a really small company where everyone is friendly and hangs out after work frequently. There is a a girl at work who I can only describe as gorgeous. When I started working I noticed that her and I got along really well and we definitely had a connection. This led to some flirting after work when everyone is at the bar. It then progressed to texting to the point where we were texting every day up until bedtime when we would say goodnight. Then about a month ago we kissed for the first time. And every weekend since then we've been hooking up. Nothing serious mostly just fooling around, but it is progressing. I've been slow to make moves for obvious reasons, but this last time she did finally grab my dick and was trying to progress things. However we were in the backseat of a car in a parking lot that was still somewhat busy (long story) so it didn't really work out and we had to stop, to my relief. To add to the strangeness, this girl has a long distance boyfriend. She had expressed to me before we started getting closer that she was unhappy with him and the distance and was thinking about breaking up with him. Now I'm usually not the type to step on toes and hit on a girl with a boyfriend, but this was just such a natural progression that it was hard to resist letting it get to this point. Plus she made a lot of the moves, and I was trying to play very slowly, again, for obvious reasons. So I come here for advice. I know I need to have a serious conversation with her about all of this. We haven't fully talked about it yet, but I know she is thinking about breaking up with her boyfriend to date me. If you saw us on the street you would think we were dating. I know I need to tell her about my problem because it would be unfair for her to break up with her boyfriend for me then, surprise, we can't have sex! So I guess I am asking how should I bring this up and tell her? I know it is probably wrong for me even have let it get this far and it is unfair to her. But I really just couldn't help it. For a long time I've been feeling the need to have a girlfriend, to share thoughts and ideas and spend time with a girl that I like who likes me back. And I have found that. We get along really well, we enjoy each other's company, and there is an obvious attraction. Of course I know that the longer this goes on, the worse it will be for both of us when I finally have to have the conversation I've been avoiding. But for the first time in my life I have found what I've been searching for. To quote Billy Corgan, can a taste of love be so wrong? So to the girls, is there any situation in which you could envision yourself having a sexless relationship? The emotional attachment is there, everything up to oral sex is there, just no actual intercourse? I understand how unlikely it is, but I need to ask. And does anyone else have any general advice/thoughts? How should I tell her? What would you think if someone you were interested in told you something like this? It is definitely a strange situation and I am unsure of what to do. If you've made it this far, I really appreciate you taking the time to read my post. Even if you don't respond, typing all this out has been helpful for me. Thankyou
No, I haven't. I've been reluctant to because I've heard they aren't totally safe. Although at this point I suppose I should be open to trying anything. Have you heard of success stories using a pump?
yeah man they are great. yeah theyre dangerous if you go to fast as you could burst blood vessels. but yeah just pump real slow... and let it do its thing. if theres any pain release some pressure. they da bomb though, and great for permanent enlargement and bloodflow. you could also look up jelqing see if that could work. as to the girl i think you got her man good luck ;p
Well this is one of those situations where you have to roll the dice. I doubt that if there is a really deep respectful foundation to the budding intimate relationship you guys have currently that she's going to make your technical difficulty known, especially if you tell her to tell no one. How does she feel about sex toys? And what does your diet consist of? Have the doctors ever taken you to a sleep clinic to see if you don't get an erection when your deep asleep and would never know if you had one or not?
I can see that this is a very difficult and complex situation for you. I do think the cock pump idea is worth a try. I also think it a shame that the Dr's have not been able to come up with any answers - is it worth pursuing it with them or have they said thats it? As to you seeing this girl - well it's a difficult one obviously you are concious of the fact that she seems willing to chuck her boyfriend to see you so she is keen. I don't know how she would feel about not having penetrative sex - at the end of the day it could improve in time. Also, there is plenty of other stuff to do in the bedroom and there are planty of sex toys out there which are both safe and fun. The one thing I am sure of is that when two people meet and form a deep emotional bond, sex is not actually the most important thing - closeness and intimacy is not all about sex. What I am trying to say is that I think when we are 'in love' with another person we love them as a whole - not just one part of them. You do sound intelligent, mature and sensitive and I really think you deserve to be happy. I hope it works out for you. If what I have written is no help then at least you know I cared enough to try. Good luck mate
I wouldn't give up on the medical end of it just yet. It sounds like a circulation or a muscle problem. Have you heard of venous leakage? It's when the smooth muscles of the penis are unable to fully relax, for different reasons (psychological, injury, or disease) and the erectile tissue can't expand enough to compress the veins, thus, blood leaks out during the erection. It wouldn't respond to viagra, since not an issue of blood pressure, and it wouldn't keep you from ejaculating. When you see doctors about this, are you going to a urologist or just a general one? There are others out there with similar problems, I'm surprised none of them have heard of it before. One way they can diagnose this is by injecting (yeah, I know) the penis with a muscle relaxant and see if that helps the problem. If you do have it, treatment is a matter of treating whatever underlying problem is causing it. It could be a nerve issue, or you could have injured your penis at some point in your life, perhaps not remembering it, and that could cause the problem. Also, I know you said you're healthy, but have you had your blood sugars and cholesterol checked? These are factors that can affect the problem, and sometimes even young, non-obese people can have problems with diabetes or cholesterol and not know it. In the meantime, a penis pump can be a safe option, and try a cock ring after it gets hard enough to prevent it from going away. This is the same technique that men with spinal cord injuries use, just go slow, as someone else said. It might be difficult to hide the problem though, since you can't exactly stop and pump without her eventually picking up that somethings going on. They also make a numbing lubricant if you're worried about coming too fast. And as DMFP said, if she cares about you, it won't be the end of a possible relationship.
Wow, thanks for all the responses everyone! It really means a lot to me you all took the time to read and respond. As I said even just typing all that out helped, so reading all of your advice has been great. Now let me address some of the questions. I don't know how she feels about sex toys, we haven't gotten to that point yet. Definitely something to find out. As for my diet, I do eat reasonably well. I'm not a health freak or anything but I eat fruit and veggies daily, no fast food, etc. I exercise at the gym 3/4 times per week as well. I am on the skinny side and have had trouble keeping on weight, which is something I've mentioned to my doctor. I've also never been to the sleep clinic. That is something that's come up in conversation with my doctors as well, but money is an issue right now so I've been unable to go. I have been to a urologist as well as my regular doctor. I still have appointments scheduled, as I said this is an ongoing process that I haven't given up hope on just yet. But again money/insurance issues are a problem so that has prevented me from going as frequently as I should. But my blood sugar and cholesterol levels were okay, as well as my testosterone. All my blood work checked back okay. I am seeing another specialist soon though as directed by the urologist, so I am hoping for some kind of ray of hope. But I want to thank everyone again for the kind words and advice. Hopefully this ends up well for both sides. I'll update when I can!
Well you could go old school and record yourself while you slept, and maybe wrap a roll of stamps or something around your penis and see if the roll have broken in the morning. This would prove whether or not you have erections in your sleep and if it is a physiological problem or a psychological one.
I agree with the others, try a pump and a cock ring, that might help. As for the girl, you have to talk to her, it shouldn't count very much if she is interested in you. there are so many things you can do to please her sexually, like oral sex, and sex toys. you have to take a chance with her, you deserve it. i wish you all the best!
You need to worry about more than getting a boner. Most companies frown on fraternization in the work place. Sometimes even the appearance of that can lead to problems. Also, see a different doctor and get a better result of your situation. Your girlFriend can apply as much penis pressure orally as any pump and you won't need to worry about blowing a gasket. There are no muscles in your penis, but there are reservoirs that can get clogged and block blood flow to the corpora cavernosa and the corpora spongiosum. I am sure you must already know about this. Get an ultrasound and see what the obstruction is.
